DBZ Court
by nedthejanitor
Summary: Justin's a judge. Justin's judging DBZ characters. The DBZ characters sue each other for extremely stupid reasons. Who is Justin? Some dude I made up. Fair rulings? Doubt it. Any knowledge of real life law? Absolutely not.
1. Android 19 VS Majin Buu

**Disclaimer: Don't own Dragonball Z. Wish I did. But I don't. I own Justin. End Disclaimer.**

**ALL CASE SUGGESTIONS AS OF THIS DAY (DECEMBER 15) ARE PM ONLY. THANK YOU.  
**

_Case One: A white male...a VERY white male is suing a very PINK male for, supposedly, plagarizing his voice and his fighting style._

_Plaintiff: Android 19._

_Defendant: Majin Buu._

The bailiff, after adjusting his shitty-diaper filled pants, addressed the court which is comprised entirely of DBZ characters save for himself and a man in the corner recording everything on typewriter.

"All rise for the honorable Judge Hazelton." the bailiff's piercing shriek echoed out.

Judge Hazelton walked in the court, but no one rose for him, much to the chagrin of the bailiff.

"I said, ALL RISE FOR-"

The Bailiff's whiny voice was interrupted by a Ki blast in the face. The Bailiff fell down, smoldering and very dead.

"I hated that guy, anyway." Judge Hazelton whispered to himself, stepping through the doorway of the barrier separating the judge and jury from the rest of the court. Judge Hazelton sat on his chair in front of the big podium thing, I don't know or care what it is.

"First order of business; I need a new bailiff." Judge Hazelton announced the second he was seated. "Who volunteers?"

Silence filled the whole court. Finally, Cell raised his hand.

"Kick ass!" Judge Hazelton shouted in triumph, pumping his fist in the air like a child that has just beaten up his sister and gotten away with it. "You're hired!"

Cell, feeling relieved that he now has the protection of the law stopping him from being incinerated by Gohan, Goku, or Vegeta, walked over to the left side of the Judge.

"Great." the judge smiled contentedly before screaming "Now will the Plaintiff and Defendant haul their fat asses in here? I haven't got until hell freezes over!"

Android 19 and Majin Buu waddled into the courtroom and sat down in their respective areas.

"Okay, now 19, what is this about?" Judge Hazelton asked the plaintiff.

"Well, Your Honor, Buu has taken my voice, my body shape, most of my clothes, my ability to absorb, and butched them into immature, candy-stealing antics." 19 stated, arms crossed smugly across his bulging robotic man tits.

Judge Hazelton had his head on the podium, laughing hard from his gut.

"What is so funny about my predicament?"

"It... It's not the story, dude... it's your voice, HA HA HA...!" Judge Hazelton managed to get out between gales of laughter.

"Well, blame my idiot creator! I did not ask for this voice!"

"He he he he..." Judge Hazelton quickly straightened himself out. "Bailiff Cell!"

"Yes, Your Honor?" Cell asked, a hint of sarcasm in his voice.

"I have a favor to ask of you. Let 19 and Buu whisper their arguments into your ear, or whatever the fuck that is, and then tell them to me, because your voice sounds cooler."

"Very well." Cell sighed, ignoring the silly compliment.

Cell stood in the center of the room, arms crossed. Majin Buu raised his hand and Cell walked over to him. Majin Buu said something into his ear.

"Majin Buu says, 'Technically, I was created before Android 19 by Bibidi. I became this way through absorbing the Kais. Since I had no knowledge of Android 19, I am not guilty of these accusations.'"

"Hey, wait a minute, that's way too smart to be coming from Fat Buu!" Judge Hazelton commented, staring suspiciously at both Cell and Buu.

"Actually, he just said 'chocolate', but you have to admit, I am right."

"Yes, you are." the judge conceded. "However, this decision is up to the jury..."

His voice trailed off as he finally realized that the Jury box was empty. And smoking.

"Where the hell is our jury?"

"The bastards said something about my voice, so I annihilated them!" Vegeta shouted from the back of the courtroom.

Judge Hazelton cartoonishly smacked his forehead while voicing his immense displeasure.

"Thanks a lot, dick head! How will we get a new jury?"

Cell spat out 12 Cell Juniors from his tail and they raced excitedly to the jury box.

"Awesome!" Judge Hazelton clapped like an excited retard at the circus. "Has the jury made their decision?"

"We, the jury, find the defendant not guilty of plagiarism." The cell juniors said in unison.

The judge clapped his hands together, satisfied with the logically-grounded outcome of his first ever case.

"Excellent. Okay, then. Android 19, your fine is either 1,000,000 zenie or fighting Vegeta."

Vegeta stood up from his seat and cracked his gloved knuckles, an eager smirk painted fresh on his face as he stared down the annoying android from behind.

"But, I don't have any money!" 19 pouted.

"Okay, Vegeta!"

Vegeta flew up and re-used "Big Bang" on Android 19, destroying half the court in the process. Fortunately, everyone made it out since everyone in the court can fly, save for the few that were grabbed by the one who could fly and hauled from the explosion.

"Way to overdo it, Vegeta." the Judge sneered, fazed only slightly by the destruction of his court. "Oh well... Cell, clean up this mess. Everyone else, take five."

"Augh..." Cell could already tell that he was in for one hell of a bad job as he started grabbing the charred planks scattered all around.

**Next week: Piccolo VS. Pikkon! Dont miss it!**


	2. Piccolo VS Pikkon

**Disclaimer: I'm not fricking Akira Toriyama. I barely know Japanese words, so I don't own DBZ!**

**ALL CASE SUGGESTIONS ARE PM ONLY.  
**

_(Case Two: Piccolo is suing Pikkon for the same thing as the last case. Don't worry, not all of these cases will be the same, so please don't stop reading my pointless drivel. Thanks in advance.  
_

_Plaintiff: Piccolo._

_Defendant: Pikkon.)_

"All rise for the blonde Judge Hazelton," Cell ordered the same cast of characters from before sitting comfortably inside the newly rebuilt courtroom. "...or I'll kill you ALL!"

As Hazelton walked in the room, everyone wisely stood up except for the very few DBZ characters that could whoop Cell's ass. Hazelton, satisfied with his standing ovation, took his seat.

"Okay, what do we have today?" Hazelton asked, hands behind his head.

"Piccolo is suing Pikkon for plagiarism." Cell read the case off of a smudged (God knows what with, but I ain't checkin') piece of notebook paper.

"Not this again!" Hazelton butted his head on the podium in frustration. "I hope that my entire career is not based solely upon whiny bastards going on about plagiarism! Send them in!"

Piccolo and Pikkon walked into court and got seated as nobody whatsoever stood up.

"Okay, Piccolo, what's this about?" Hazelton started the case the same way as last time.

"Well, Hazelton-" Piccolo started, before being cut off by Cell.

"YOU SHALL REFER TO HIM AS 'YOUR HONOR'!"

"Cell, it's fine." Hazelton raised up both of his hands to calm the enraged murderous lizard man. "I don't care how I'm referred to."

"Why is it that every time I try to help, you belittle me?"

(Cell, the dire truth of his degraded situation hitting him like Ike on his bitch, starts weeping.)

"Dammit..." Hazelton once again smacked his forehead, frustrated with how the second case of his career has started. "Someone get Cell out of here, he's being emotional...

As Cell was hauled from the courtroom by volunteers Goku and Gohan, Piccolo started explaining his case free of interruption.

"Pikkon has taken my weighted clothing and my skin color, along with my cool 'sage warrior' attitude."

"Whatever. Pikkon, your response?" Hazelton turned to the defendant.

"I can't help the skin color I was born with, Namek!" Pikkon bitterly grumbled while turning his head to face the man on his right, angry over having to be drug out of training for something so trivial. "And I came up with the weighted clothing first!"

"I bet your mom knitted it for you..." dissed Piccolo, a small yet satisfied smile forming on his face as a simultaneous burst of laughter erupted from the court, mostly just from the fact that Piccolo actually managed to burn someone. Pikkon's green bean face flushed red with embarrassment, because Piccolo was right about his weighted clothing. It, indeed, _was _mother-knitted.

"SILENCE!" Hazelton shrieked, banging the gavel as hard as possible to quieten down the rambunctious audience. "Okay, so Piccolo believes that Pikkon is copying his personality and his choice of clothing. Proof, Piccolo?"

"What do you mean, 'proof'?" Piccolo pointed at Pikkon to press the point home. "Look at him!"

"Yo' momma." Pikkon dissed back, still reeling from Piccolo's ice burn. Piccolo just scoffed.

"Pikkon, don't drag moms into this." Hazelton banged his gavel once for good measure. "Besides, there are no Namek women." He added as an afterthought.

"Yo' egg-spitter." Pikkon spat at Piccolo, defying the judge.

"Shut up!" Piccolo cut back, hands balled up into fists. "Them's fightin' words!"

"Okay. Piccolo, what actual proof do you have of this plagiarism?" Hazelton asked, getting ready to bring the case to a close.

"None..." Piccolo admitted in frustration.

"Okay, then we'll give this case to the jury."

After thirteen minutes, which is the average length of time it takes for a Dragonball Z character to declare that they are powering up before the three hour powering up session, the jury reached their decision.

"That was fast." Hazelton thought to himself.

"We, the jury, find the defendant not guilty by reason of lack of evidence." Once again, the Cell Juniors spoke in unison.

"May I speak to my laywer?" Piccolo asked in desperation, not wanting a ridiculous punishment similar to Android 19's.

"Whatever." Hazelton waved him off, telling him also to be ready in one minute.

Piccolo turned to the suited man who was beside him the whole time and had a whispered conversation with him regarding the strategy they were now going to have to take.

_NOTE FROM ME, THE WRITER: The judge will be referred to as Justin from here on out, because I'm tired of typing long things that are also unnecessary._

"We are pleading not guilty by reason of insanity." the lawyer told Justin on his client's behalf.

"And how does your client base these insanity charges?" Justin, very cynical of this new development, asked the lawyer.

"He came to this court to have his case heard."

"Insanity plea accepted." Justin said, in wide-eyed shock from Piccolo's psychosis. "Haul Piccolo's deranged ass out of here."

Two men in white strait-jackets hauled the perfectly-calm Piccolo off in a strait-jacket that did not fit him at all.

"Case closed." Justin banged the trusty gavel his grand-pappy gave to him. "I'm going to go play Super Mario and listen to some Foo Fighters."

**Next case: Gohan VS. Chi-chi!**


	3. Gohan VS ChiChi

**Disclaimer: Hmm. Check my profile. Do I sound like the guy that owns DBZ? No, because I am not!**

**ALL CASE SUGGESTIONS NOW PM ONLY! THANK YOU.  
**

_(Case Three. Gohan is suing the living shit out of his mother, Chi-Chi, for abuse. At least it isn't plagiarism..._

_Plaintiff: Gohan_

_Defendant: Chi-Chi)_

"All rise for the wig-wearing Judge Hazelton!" Cell shouted as loud as he felt like, which isn't too much.

Justin walked into the room as everyone reluctantly stood up for him. When Justin took his seat, everyone got back on their lazy asses.

"Okay, what do we have?" Justin asked, silently praying to nothing in particular that it's not plagiarism.

"Abuse."

"Holy crap, finally!" Justin said after a giant sigh of relief. "Who are the Plaintiff and Defendant?"

"Uh, Gohan and Chi-Chi."

"Even better!" Justin said, voice increasing in pitch as he rubbed his hands together so hard that he almost created fire from all the friction. "Send them in, I'm gonna get a kick out of this."

Gohan and Chi-Chi walked into the court and walked over to their seats with varying levels of absolutely no dignity whatsoever.

"Now, I have a brief statement before we begin." Justin said before immediately looking at Chi-Chi and collapsing into fits of tear-jerking laughter. "CHI-CHI! AH-HA-HA-HA! CHI...CHI-CHI! WAH HA HA!"

"What?" Chi-Chi asked, her tone of voice shrill and unpleasant like a typical school-obsessed old woman.

"Your-Your name! HA HA! It-It's Spanish for BOOBIES, HA HA HA HA HA!"

SLAP!

"Ouch!" Justin said sharply, rubbing his reddened cheek. (The one on his face, the other kind of cheek slap is strictly reserved for Goku.)

"Get on with this, my ONLY SON, Goten, needs to study!" Chi-Chi, in what could almost be seen as an outright attempt to make everyone feel completely unpleasant and irritable, uped the shrillness in her voice by moving up a few pitches.

"Okay, whatever, granny." Justin snidely remarked, looking out for any more sudden smacks to the face. "Gohan, how do you base these abuse charges?"

"Well, Justin, my mother has always forced me to study. By doing this, she has turned me into a wimp." Gohan stated, voice clearly full of fear of his mother.

"I wasn't planning on turning you into a weak kid! You're one of the strongest kids on Earth!" Chi-Chi remarked, much to the chagrin of Justin, who wanted her to talk as less as possible.

"I have a foolproof defense for my client." Chi-Chi's lawyer, who no one saw come in, spoke up, a videotape in hand.

"Present it." Justin said.

(The Lawyer puts the tape in the VCR/TV combo Justin got Cell to drag in from the basement and plays it. It shows all of Gohan's fights in the series.)

"If you'll notice, after the Cell Saga, Gohan becomes a whiny bitch. The reason is because he had no father. Know why? Because his father wanted the world to stay safe!"

"Okay, Gohan, what's your retort?" Justin asked, hand on chin, which means he either is in deep thought or has a chin zit. Both, as it turns out.

(Before Gohan could speak for himself, his own lawyer, also unsighted up to this point, began justifying his client.)

"Justin, lots of children grow up without their fathers and turn out fine. His mother forced him to live a sheltered life." Gohan's lawyer explained.

"Nonsense. His mother made him study, but not constantly!" Chi-Chi's lawyer retorted, rolling up his sleeves for an epic lawyer war.

"Oh, yeah? Well, you're a doo-doo head!"

"You're a boogerbutt!"

"You're a stinkyface!"

"You're a pee-pee mouth!"

"SHUT THE FUCKING HELL UP!" Justin roared, frightening the entire court into stunned silence, save for the still-arguing lawyers. "Cell, escort these little toddlers out of my courtroom!"

Cell smiled as punted the still arguing lawyers out. "That's the stuff that makes this job worthwhile..." sighed the Android.

"Okay, now, it's obvious this case is at standstill." Justin said wearily. "Jury, go make your decision!"

The Cell Juniors went into the jury room and walked right back into the court.

"Okay, what have you decided?"

"We, the jury, find the defendant not guilty by reason of Gohan killing us in the Cell Saga." the Cell Juniors said in unison yet again.

"That works." Justin said, relieved to be getting done with this case. "Gohan, your fine is either 250,000 yen or taking place in the horrible abomination that is... DragonBall GT!"

(DUN DUN DUNNN! THAT'S HOW IT ALL HAPPENED!)

"I... don't have any money!" Gohan stammered, his face losing color at the mere thought of GT evil.

"I think you know what that means, young man." Justin said, unflinching in his lack of mercy.

Gohan resigned himself to his fate and his voice became dry and mono-tonal as a result.

"Fine. I'll start tomorrow..."

Chi-Chi stood up, sympathy for her oldest child overtaking her anger and outrage.

"Judge, please, he's my son! There must be another way!" But, alas, Chi-Chi's plea fell on deaf ears.

"This is the only way." Justin said simply, lying out his ass. Gohan's fate was sealed.

"Case closed!" Justin crashed his scratched-up gavel against the dented podium he often hits. "I'm going to go light some candles and cry!"

**Next Case: Vegeta VS. Trunks! Don't Miss It! Actually, maybe you should! Go outside!**


	4. Capsule Corp VS Trunks

**Disclaimer: Piss off...**

**Okay, fine I don't own shit, okay? Not DBZ, not anything.**

**REMEMBER: ALL CASE SUGGESTIONS SHOULD BE PM-ED. NOT PMS-ED, JUST PM-ED.  
**

_(Case Four. Capsule Corp. is suing Trunks for never ever being around. I decided not to use the Vegeta vs. Trunks one. Maybe later on._

_Plaintiff: Capsule Corp._

_Defendant: Trunks)_

"All rise for the guy who updates!" Cell shattered the fragile tinted glass of the fourth wall as the judge walked in and sat at his stylish podium to minimal but still existing fanfare.

"Okay, what pissant drama-queen is suing who today?" Justin asked Cell, clearly a bit cranky and almost as tired of the job as his bailiff is.

"Capsule Corp. is suing Trunks for numerous absences." Cell read from a paper which, yet again, looked like shit taking a shit.

"Goddamnit, are you telling me I have to do a case involving Dragonball GT?"

"I'm very sorry, sir."

"Send them in, let's get this over with." Justin sighed, crankier than ever.

The Capsule Corp. Vice-President and Trunks walked in and seated themselves at their increasingly moldy desks.

"Okay, give your sides of the story, one at a time. You know, I don't have to explain this shit. You both know how this goes, let's just get started." Justin said, waving his hand at the plaintiff VP to indicate that he may start talking. Which he did. A lot.

"Well, your honor, our President flies out of almost all the meetings we hold." the VP started. "We have to get Ned the Janitor to fill in! Do you know what that's like? He's always talking about his dad from the war and he tells us to leave so he can whack it! We never get a thing done! He makes me want to take a screwdriver and jam it in my-"

"Okay, shut up, you psycho." Justin cut him off, waving for him to stop just like he waved for him to start, which would have been confusing if not for the "shut up" part he so graciously added for emphasis. "Trunks, what do you have to say?"

"It's so boring!" Trunks impotently bitched and moaned in response. "I mean, they always talk about stock and new inventions and no one ever discusses cool stuff, like D&D and Rush!"

"Okay...?" Justin sat up, stunned at Trunks' obvious guilt but happy that the case was plainly in one side's favor. "It seems that this whole thing really is your fault."

"But I'm BORED! I want another game!"

Justin stared at the purple-head for several seconds. "Um... damn, this is awkward."

"Want me to beat the shit out of him?" Cell asked Justin, unable to hide his desperate want to beat something up.

"You can afterwards, but this is a very unstable court room. I won't tolerate violence unless it's approved by me." Justin told him, despite wanting otherwise.

"MOMMA, I WANNA GO SHOPPING!" Trunks screamed out after turning around and finding his mother in the third row of the courtroom's audience section.

"Okay, kick his ass, but don't kill him." ordered Justin, already sick to death of Trunks.

Cell, disappointed over the no-death rule, knocked Trunks unconscious with one punch. A very weak, effortless, and unsatisfying punch.

"I feel so cheated, somehow..." Cell said to himself, going back to his post.

"Jury, please go make a decision." Justin told them, hand resting on forehead while grumbling to himself about GT. "I can't fucking believe I'm doing this stupid DBGT case, damn GT crap..."

The jury made their decision in a few seconds.

"Okay, what say you guys?" Justin asked.

To Justin's mild shock, only one Cell Jr. stood up and spoke for the rest.

"Well, for one thing, we want a decision making room that's not infested with roaches and we want this jackass over HERE-", the Cell Jr. pointed to the chunky Cell Jr. sitting behind him, "fired. He has lice and he always rubs his crotch."

"Ned, what are you doing here?" the VP asked, exasperated that he cannot escape Ned no matter what he does or where he goes.

"I'm taking ma' break." Ned told him gruffly, shoveling tater chips down his blue throat.

"I meant the case." Justin groaned, trying to hide his amusement over Ned being a Cell Jr. all along. "What about the case?"

"Oh, well, we find the defendant guilty of absenteeism." declared the same Cell Jr. "But we still want all of the stuff we previously mentioned."

"Great. Escort Trunks from the building and have him beaten with a rod, along with the plaintiff."

"But... WHY?" the VP screamed in terror.

"Because you're a GT character as well, so piss off." Justin waved him away for the last time.

Cell took both of them outside for a nice, far more satisfying ass-beating.

"And Cell," Justin called after him, "when you get back, do be a dear and help your children in the jury renovate their decision making room. We need to please the unions after all."

There was an audible groan from outside, but that was followed by a short "yes sir" before the sounds of Trunks and the VP screaming in pain took over.

"Okay, case closed." Another gavel hit from Justin. :I'm going to take Trunks' money and buy an apartment, see you later."

THE END

**(Next case: Chi-Chi vs. Piccolo.)**


	5. ChiChi VS Piccolo

**Disclaimer: I do not own Dragonball Z, but I do have a set of Draggin' balls! A HA! FUNNY!**

**CASE SUGGESTIONS: NOW RIBBED AND PM-ONLY FOR HER PLEASURE.  
**

_(Today's case: Chi-Chi is suing Piccolo for his abuse of Gohan while training him. Finally, something that kind of makes sense if you squint really hard.  
_

_Plaintiff: Chi-Chi_

_Defendant: Piccolo)_

"All get up because I say you should!" Cell shouted, for want of a better reason.

Everyone rose in accordance with Cell's demand as Justin walked into the room. Once he sat at his legendary wood structure, they sat their fannies back down.

"Okay, what's today's dose of pure idiocy?" Justin asked, propping his feet up on the podium like a true professional.

"Chi-Chi pure dose of suing Piccolo for abuse." Cell responded, reading from what appeared to be the world's first ever piece of paper.

"The hell? Haven't we seen them both already?"

"Yes."

"Well, bring them in." Justin ordered, apathy dripping from his voice. "This is really stupid, though, because the training happened over a decade ago."

Chi-Chi and Piccolo walked into the room and were directed to their designated spots.

"Hello, Tits McGee and Space Pickle Elf." Justin paused to chuckle at his adorable nicknames for the plaintiff and defendant while they fumed silently at him. "What are you here for today? Chi-Chi, since you are both the plaintiff and a lady, you start."

"He abused my son whenever he was training him!" Chi-Chi pointed at Piccolo like an annoying little girl.

"We were going to get blown all to hell if we didn't have all the help we could get!" Piccolo shouted at Chi-Chi, emphasizing every word slowly so that it could get past Chi-Chi's thick fucking head.

"That's no excuse for your behavior, GO GET IN THE CORNER!"

"But-"

"NOW!"

Piccolo extended his lower lip and drug his feet over to the corner of the courtroom next to Cell. Justin, only half paying attention because he was thinking of more nicknames, noticed that Piccolo has gone to the corner.

"Piccolo, this is no time to take a piss, get back to your chair." Justin ordered Piccolo, pointing at the desk just in case he forgot where it was. Justin is a condescending bastard is basically what I'm getting at. Piccolo walked back over to his desk, flipping off Chi-Chi in the process.

"I call my son to the stand." Chi-Chi ignored the vulgar hand gesture, due to being quite confident about winning the case.

"Very well, Gohan, get out here!" Justin shouted, assuming correctly that Gohan was in the crowd behind the barrier. Gohan, looking pale, scarred for life, and frightened, stumbled over the barrier and to the witness stand.

"Hey, Gohan, how's GT?" Justin coldly asked Gohan.

"Cold... s-so cold. Plot holes... bad animation... a complete disregard of any sort of effort... I want to go home!" Gohan wailed, one fiery pit away from gnashing his teeth. "Look at my hair, my GT mom made me fucking butcher it! And these DORKY glasses! I mean, just what the hell am I, Gohan or Harry Potter?"

Justin laughed. "Well, just over 60 episodes, and you're free! Anyways, your mom called you up here to ask you some questions about your time with Piccolo."

"He didn't touch me."

"I know."

"I'd be happy to spend time somewhere where GT isn't involved... so cold..."

Cell walked over to the witness stand to ask the boy who killed him some questions.

"Okay, Gohan, in the years when Piccolo adopted you, at any point did he hurt you unnecessarily?" Cell carefully asked Gohan, so he doesn't trigger his GT-induced developing insanity and, by extension, the Super Saiyan 2 powers that won Gohan a victory over the poor bailiff.

"Uh..." Gohan thought for a second, breaking through the GT fog to unlock memories from better days long since past. "Well, one time he took a rock to my face, and this other time he kicked me so hard I turned into Penelope Cruz, and a bunch of other stuff I can't remember because he shocked me with an electrical wire and some ocean water."

"Okay..." Justin said, a little freaked out at Piccolo's unorthodox training regimen of death. "You may leave, Gohan."

Gohan, still trembling, walked gingerly out of the courtroom only to begin weeping over his endless 60-episode fate.

"The account of Chi-Chi's witness is untrue!" Piccolo declared.

"Really?" Justin asked, semi-interested. "How so?"

"He didn't turn into Penelope Cruz, he turned into Jim Carrey!"

An awkward silence hindered the case for a little bit.

"Any other arguments?" Justin at last asked Piccolo.

"Nope." he said, now in the process of trying to meditate.

"Very well. Jury, go make your decision."

The jury stood up right there, having pre-determined their decision.

"Your Honor, Piccolo is insane, you made that decision earlier on." They said in unison, setting off Justin's poor memory.

"Then I have no choice but to sentence Chi-Chi to having to go by the American translation of her name from here on out! Case closed!" Justin bashed the podium with his mighty hammer.

As Breasts and Piccolo left the room in defeat and triumph respectively, everyone laughed at Breasts because of her name. Also, some dollars were tossed in her general direction.

"I'm gonna go smash a PS3! See you later!" Justin yelled out to the courtroom.

**(Next case: I DON'T HAVE TO TELL YOU, LOOK IN THE CHAPTER LIST.)**


	6. Goku VS Ramen Corp

**Disclaimer: me no speak english, and me no own dbz ether u prick.**

**HELLO, THIS IS TV'S MIRANDA COSGROVE, AND I AM HERE TO REMIND YOU THAT ALL CASE SUGGESTIONS MUST BE DIRECTED TO NED THE JANITOR IN THE FORM OF A PM. ALTERNATIVELY, IF YOU REFUSE THIS METHOD, THEY CAN GO ON A TRIP STRAIGHT UP YOUR ASS. THANK YOU.  
**

_(Today's Case: Goku is suing Ramen Corp., I don't know or care what the real name is, for supposedly selling him some bad ramen.)_

_(Plaintiff: Goku_

_Defendant: Ramen Corp.)_

"All rise for that guy in black!" Cell loudly demanded.

Justin walked into the room and sat down at his podium ka-jigger.

"Okay, what big, steaming turd am I going to have to pick up off the carpet today?" Justin asked Cell, clearly bored.

"Goku's big, steaming turd against Ramen Corp for selling him ramen that made him ill."

"That must've either been some real strong infected ramen to do that to Goku. That, or he's bullshitting. Let's find out. Send them both in."

(Goku and the President of Ramen Corp. walked into the courtroom.)

"Okay, here's how it goes," Justin began, "both of you bitch at each other a little, maybe, if I feel like it, the plaintiff can call up a witness, then the Cell Jr. jury makes a decision, one of you gets sentenced, and we post and forget. Okay, Goku, speak."

"That guy over there has the WORST employees I've ever thought about! That ramen had me barfing intestines for three days!" Goku squealed.

"Are you sure it wasn't noodles?" Justin asked.

"Yes, because noodles aren't that thick, and they stunk less than the noodles." Goku paused to shudder. "Anyways, someone packaged up some real bad ramen, and I want money from that-that... JERK, for not watching his employees!" Goku then sat back down, arms crossed with anger.

"Okay, Ramen President, your turn." Justin motioned with his hand at the defendant.

"Well, Goku is obviously full of crap, the whole room knows it, so what do you say we just forget this whole thing?" the man stood up and asked, authoritatively.

"No, not until a verdict is reached." Justin said.

"I've got greens!" The man waved his wallet toward him.

"I fail to see how lettuce is going to convince me-"

"I meant money, dumbass."

"I know, fuckhead." Justin countered harshly. "How dare you try to bribe ME? I won't bend to your little offers of cash! No sir, not unless it's above $20,000!"

"I'll give you $50,000!" He said, pulling out a few preliminary hundreds.

"Ohh... money, money, money..." Justin rubbed his drool stained hands together. "Give me it!"

The RP proceeded to give Justin a big ol' sweepstakes-style check he pulled out from under the desk he sat at.

"AWESOME!" Justin shouted, delighted. "Cell!"

"Yes?" Cell inquired impatiently, glad to finally be able to do something.

"Grab Mr. Ramen and hold him!"

Cell, in a quick fashion, grabbed RP's hands and bandcuffed him.

"What the fuck are you doing?" He roared, voice breaking.

"We're continuing this case, but I'm gonna make sure you don't try to get away after I cash this check." Justin said, mockingly twirling his imaginary villain mustache.

"I'll get out eventually, and when I do, I'm gonna have you sued!"

"I know that, those are some cheap-ass handcuffs." Justin stated. "But you aren't going to go cancel that check or sue me, because you're going to have to answer to my super-powered bailiff here."

"Super-powered? You're full of crap!"

Justin rolled his eyes. "Cell..."

Cell poked the table in front of RP and the whole desk collapsed into a heap of dust.

"Any more thoughts?" Justin asked sleepily as the RP got on his knees.

"God, I know I'm an atheist, but I REALLY need your help right now!" He begged.

"Okay, is it true you never watch your employees?" Justin asked in-between giggles.

"Yes!" He responded exasperatedly. "I have to work on business matters!"

"Okay, then. Jury, give your little verdict. I want to go home before my damn patience runs out and I just fall asleep right on the bench." He ordered. "Cases like this piss me off." He added as an afterthought.

"We, the jury find the defendant guilty of giving rotten food." The Cell Jrs somehow managed to say simultaneously.

"Okay, then his punishment is to stay in the court room for three days."

"Uh, sir..." Cell began.

"What?" said Justin.

"He escaped."

"Well, go find him!"

"His power level is too weak to sense."

"Shit." Justin smacked his forehead. "Oh, well. Sorry, Goku."

"That's okay, I'll find him and bring him back!" Goku said, cheerfully.

"Uh... is that necessary?" Justin groaned, head hitting the podium, but Goku had flown away mid-sentence.

"Okay, court dismissed, get the hell out of my courtroom." Justin said, pointing to the door.

The characters left, but the true culprit was never found...

"He he... Kakarot will never find out that I pissed in the bowl..." Vegeta whispered in the back of the court before screaming to the top of his lungs, "I AM AWESOME! HA HA HA HA!"

"Shut up!" Justin demanded.

"What was that?" Vegeta screamed back.

"Bite my ass of justice!"

THE END


	7. Dragonball Z VS Hercule

**Disclaimer: Shut up. I don't own Dragonball Z. You know it. I know it. Let's just leave it at that. And if you EVER tell anyone this, I will come to your house and I will force-feed you broken DBGT tapes!**

**CASE SUGGESTIONS? IN PM FORMAT? WHAT NOW WILL HAPPEN TO THIS WORLD OF OURS?  
**

_(Case Seven: The entire Dragonball Z world is suing Hercule for being patently annoying and worthless. Which he is, there's no denying that._

_Plaintiff: Dragonball Z_

_Defendant: Hercule)_

"All ride for Judge Hazelton and his unshowered, greasy rat-nest hair which he covers with a white wig." Cell ordered the court that, at the moment, isn't even there. As Judge Hazelton wandered in, he too realized that nobody is inside the room.

"What the Christ?" He blasphemed. "Where are all the morons at?"

"Well, the whole Dragonball Z world, or the morons as you call them, are busy trying to decide who they will elect for their speaker, and Hercule is busy thinking up lies to tell the court."

"Oh, okay. I can wait..." Justin sat on one of the benches and did just that.

About one hour later...

"When the HELL are they going to-" Justin began.

(The cast of Dragonball Z walked in the room all at once. Justin ran to the podium before his tiny ass was crushed beneath all the rock-hard cartoon abs.)

"Okay, cast, who did you decide on?" Justin asked, genuinely curious.

"You'll see, we picked someone great!" Goten cheerfully spoke back.

"Very well, send them in."

Hercule and the mysterious representative for the Dragonball Z cast walked into the room.

"Videl?" Justin gasped. "You're the Dragonball Z representative?"

"Yeah, so what of it?" Videl asked slowly, clearly concealing that she was slightly offended by Justin's tone of voice and body funk.

"You realize you're testifying against your own dad?" Justin asked, business-like.

"That's exactly why I'm doing it!"

"Videl? What are you doing up here?" Hercule forcefully asked her.

"Uhhh… were you following our conversation?" said the condescending judge.

"Erm… a little." Hercule's anger faded. "I was also thinking about my trophy wife for this week, Naomi Watts."

A simultaneous "Holy crap" was uttered in the courtroom. Even Cell was shocked.

"See? That's why I'm testifying!" Videl cried out in helpless rage. "My dickweed dad is always bringing strange women home! Turanga Leela, Halle Barry, Android 18 and Dr. Girlfriend to name a few! And he only keeps them for a week! I've never had a mother that I didn't see packing the following day!"

"Damn, that's sad…" Justin said, thinking about the ending to Requiem for a Dream.

The courtroom was silenced, stunned by the sheer injustice of Hercule's exploits. Or Requiem for a Dream. I'm not sure, I don't actually control anything in my fanfiction.

"Yeah, try being in GT, where your dad is younger than you are..." Gohan whispered to himself.

"What, son?" Goku pondered, patting Gohan's back in a fatherly way.

"I didn't say anything, leave me alone!"

As the courtroom descended into Hercule-booing, Justin smacked down his gavel for silence.

"But… wait, aren't you here because of Hercule taking credit for everyone else's work?" Justin asked, raising his hand to keep the court quiet.

"Oh, yeah." Videl's memory sparked. "Well, he does that a lot as well. Cell Saga, Buu Saga, every world tournament after the Buu Saga. Basically, he doesn't deserve the credit he gets for the 'hero work' he does. He's a total bum, and we're the only ones that know it."

"Nonsense, I object!" Hercule stood up in an attempt to get a voice in the court.

"Prove it, Hercule." Justin commanded in a sharp, startling tone. "We've all seen it, we all know what you do, and we know that in about 2 minutes I'm going to give you a guilty sentence. Give me your side of the story."

"It's quite simple…" Hercule paced the court, preparing to lay 'em out with a powerhouse defense. "It's an editing trick. Nothing but a trick, like everything these people do."

That anime moment where everyone falls on their heads at the same time was immortalized after that single sentence.

"Hey, retard, are we going to have to guide you through every single time we saved your stupid ass from certain doom?" Vegeta screamed in a very in-character showing of pissed-offness.

"I suppose you will." Hercule smugly retorted.

Videl, taking it upon herself to disprove her father, floated up into the air and landed in front of Hercule's desk area.

"Well, Mr. Satan, how do you explain THAT one?" Justin asked with sarcasm.

"You have a very thin string coming out of the ceiling and puppeting you around." Hercule straight-up told his daughter after wiping the look of horror off of his face.

"That wasn't at trick, dad, that was real!" Videl whined.

"Prove it!"

Videl waved her hand above her head.

"See?" Videl almost screeched. "Nothing!"

"Okay, Hercule." Justin began. "I'm sentencing you, but instead of being Paris Hilton's emotionless sex servant like I was originally planning (gag), I'm going to make you sit in a room and watch EVERY EPISODE OF DRAGONBALL Z ten times until you get it through your damn thick skull that nothing these people do is a trick. Court dismissed."

"But, how long will that take?" Hercule roared, not at all resigned to his fate.

"About a month." Justin waved him away. "Have fun, dude. Oh, and, try not to piss yourself when Goku goes Super Saiyan."

THE END

**(Next case: Imperfect Cell VS. Dr. Gero.)**


	8. Imperfect Cell VS Dr Gero

**Disclaimer: Yeah, if I owned Dragonball Z, I'd be making new episodes and throwing out DBGT, but I don't own Dragonball Z, so instead I'm writing for these websites and getting very encouraging reviews. So, thanks to all the reviewers for giving me the will to update this thing. Please, keep the reviews coming.**

**NOT TO MENTION THE CASE IDEAS, WHICH ARE NO LONGER RECOMMENDED IN ANY OTHER DOSAGE BESIDES PM. NO, NOT TYLENOL PM. JUST REGULAR OLD FASHIONED DIRECT-TO-AUTHOR PM.  
**

_(Today's Case: Imperfect Cell is suing Dr. Gero for giving him such a godawful voice._

_Plaintiff: Imperfect Cell_

_Defendant: Dr. Gero)_

"All rise for the guy who stole my damn hot dog yesterday." Cell spat with personal grudge.

Justin stumbled into the court room and almost fell into the chair as he lowered himself down.

"Is there something wrong with you, judge?" Cell asked in a vain attempt to imitate compassion.

"(Hic) Why do people keep asking me (hic) that? I'm fine! And so is your (hic) sweet ass momma!" Justin laughed heartily, breath reeking of vodka-hot dog.

"Well, okay, then." Cell started to read off of his piece of paper, which was printed sometime during the first world war. "Today's case is my Imperfect self from the past suing his creator, Dr. Gero, for giving him a 'defunct voice box.'"

"Send them (hic) in, and someone get me some (hic) freaking nachos!"

Cell groaned, going off to get the nachos while Imperfect Cell and Dr. Gero entered the court room.

"Okay, what do you idiots have to bitch (hic) about?" Justin slurred. "I gotta (hic) get back to my apartment and have (hic) my 'private time.' HAHA! Get it? Because I'll be playing (hic) with mah PRIVATES!"

"I can so relate to that." Ned the Janitor blubbered from the jury box, wiping tears from his cheeks.

"Your Honor, I-" Imperfect Cell rasped.

"Ow, my goddamn ears! (hic) You ass!" Justin blurted. "What's with your voice?"

"I'm here for that reason." Imperfect Cell spoke in a low voice, embarrassed. "Dr. Gero has purposely given me a hideous voice. Do you know how hard it is to get chicks with this voice?"

"Imperfect Cell, (hic) I think your problem is that you're a lizard-like android who (hic) sucks the life out of people."

"Perfect Cell's like that, and he has a wife!"

"He's married to a (hic) Komodo Dragon, dumbshit, since when did that become something to (hic) be proud of?" Justin sneered. "Dr. Geraldo, give your side of the story!"

"I gave him the voice so that he would be more motivated to reach his perfect form, where his voice would be clearer and less ear-aching." Dr. Gero said.

"But the androids are dead in my time!" Imperfect Cell yelled across the court.

"My research didn't account for that, Cell!"

"Your research didn't account for fucking anything! You didn't even know what a Super Saiyan was until you watched it kill your worst creation!"

"Bite your tongue, Cell!"

"But that doesn't make sense, because Trunks killed you (hic) in that one episode where... uh..." Justin forgot himself mid-interruption. "Uherm... (hic) I knew this guy one time- you look like him! Ahhh, Justin's been a good kitty."

"Why did I even come here?" Imperfect Cell pouted. Try to imagine that, it's so fucking funny. "I should have never taken Piccolo's advice."

Perfect Cell came back at that point and handed Justin the nachos.

"Asshole, I didn't ask for no nachos!" Justin screamed, interrupting his monologue of nothingness.

"Yeah, about three minutes ago, you did." Cell fired back.

"Well, you can take those and shove them right-"

Before Justin could finish his sentence, he vomited profusely on Cell and fell over, bumping his head on the corner of the podium whozamaswatch.

"Well, what now?" Dr. Gero asked casually, checking his fingernails.

"You give me a decent voice-box, or I'll fry your ass!" Imperfect Cell threatened, taking a step towards his creator.

"No!"

With that, Imperfect Cell fired a Kamehameha at the scared-shitless Dr. Gero, incinerating his old, decrepit carcass.

"You all saw him, he fell!" Imperfect Cell told the unsympathetic court.

"No, he didn't!" Gohan was the first to deny Imperfect Cell's claim.

"Shut your mouth, GT's little bitch!" Imperfect Cell burned.

(Gohan fired a large Kamehameha that Imperfect Cell barely dodged, a spark caused a large fight to erupt in the court room between everyone in DBZ. There were waves tossed, punches thrown, kicks... kicked, early characters were snapped in half by later characters, and there were countless games of rock, paper, scissors. Eventually, the fighting stopped after the entire court was rendered totally destroyed.)

"Great, now where will we go to have our cases heard?" Goku whined.

As Goku said this, Justin woke up.

"You'll come here..." Justin croaked.

The people of the courtroom cheered wildly.

"...Because you sons of bitches are going to rebuild this place!" Justin yelled without his prior intoxication. "I'd better see this joint spick and fucking span in 24 hours, or you'll have to settle for Judge Judy."

Work began immediately to build back the court room.

"Oh, and by the way, I sentence Imperfect Cell to be Judge Judy's bailiff... for 3 years!" Justin banged his imaginary gavel.

"NNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Imperfect Cell bellowed in pain, falling to his knees.

THE END

**(Next case: Piccolo VS. Goku)**


	9. Piccolo VS Goku

**Disclaimer: Go read Wikipedia, and you'll quickly find out that I don't own Dragonball Z.**

**CASE IDEAS SURE ARE DELICIOUS, BUT PUTTING THEM IN ANY FORMAT OTHER THAN PM IS JUST LIKE DOUSING THEM IN YOUR OWN DIARRHEA SAUCE. THANK YOU.  
**

_(Today's Case: Piccolo is suing Goku for killing his father in Dragonball._

_Plaintiff: Piccolo_

_Defendant: Goku)_

"All rise for some teenager who makes smartass comments about everyone's mother." Cell demanded. "Especially mine, though I don't have one."

Justin walked in, sat down, and popped himself a couple of aspirins, which completely failed to do any good just like the last 20 or so he took that day.

"How is your head doing?" Cell asked monotonally.

"It feels like a throbbing, pus-filled wound on some fat old lady's ass in the middle of a blizzard in the Appalachian Mountains that is being eaten by a pack of rabid squirrels." Justin rambled on. "What was on that hot dog, anyway?"

"I think Semi-Perfect Cell was at our party when we made those things and he poured beer into the chili we put on them. I know this because I woke up sandwiched between Majin Buu and Breast-Father (ChiChi) the next morning." Cell cringed at the memory, hoping never to relive it.

"Oh, well, that's interesting..." Justin trailed off, gagging at the very idea of Fat Buu being a part of any sex act. "So, what's today's case?"

"Piccolo is suing Goku for the death of his father." Cell read from his paper, which appeared to be a part of a shit-orgy at some point in its life.

"Send them in, then. I want to go back and lay down, or maybe watch Faces of Death or something..."

The guys walked into the room and sat like the good dogs they are.

"Okay, now, before I get started, I'm going to stop this." Justin then cleared his throat and stood up, pointing at the plaintiff. "Piccolo, you've been diagnosed insane, get the hell out of my court room. The last time you were here, you stole my damn homework on the way out."

"I have an excuse, your honor." Piccolo told him.

"Present it, so that I may glance at it and say 'fair enough'."

Piccolo handed Justin a not-forged-at-all-no-sir-not-one-bit permission slip.

"Fair enough." Justin said, fulfilling his own prophecy. "Piccolo, what is this about?"

"Goku killed my father, he needs to be given life in prison." Piccolo said shortly.

"First of all, we don't do that pussy stuff like put people in jail, we make up our own punishments." Justin started counting the reasons off his fingers all sassy-like. "Secondly, if Goku hadn't killed your dad, you wouldn't have even been born, so you should be on your pea green knees thanking whatever god you worship that Goku busted your dad's pea green ass and made him vomit you up."

"Yeah, Piccolo, I killed him and he spit you out, in a very disgusting fashion!" Goku said with a smile.

"Doesn't matter, he still killed my father, and I still want him transformed into a duck."

"Hey, that's a good idea." Justin wrote it down on a piece of paper that was infested with ticks. "Any-who, you can't sue somebody for killing someone in Dragonball freaking Z, okay? That's like suing somebody for sitting down and having a lovely tea party with your neighbor's grandma."

"But he was my FATHER, and I demand retribution, like most people get!" Piccolo uncharacteristically bitched.

"Jury, go make your decision before he starts singing death metal like most crazy people do!" Justin said mockingly.

The Cell Juniors started to go into the decision room, but before they could enter, two men in white coats from the good ol' whacko basket busteded in through the left-side wall of the court and ran toward plaintiff Piccolo.

"What the hell is going on? You busted another goddamn hole in the court!" Justin grunted at the men.

"Oh... sorry about that." Aide 1 said apathetically.

"Whatever. What are you doing here?"

"This man here stole a slip and forged the psychiatrist's signature to come here and start up some shit with somebody, and we know this, because he was mumbling 'we ifuapb peu', which is Latin for 'the author typing random keys in a car with a blindfold.'"

"And I would've gotten away with it to, if it weren't for my prize fighter inferno's aunt Gary Coleman." Piccolo slurred.

The courtroom mumbled among itself about what the hell Piccolo just said as Piccolo opened his mouth again.

"I mean, I've been seggrh aijheb pf midjaw." Finally, Piccolo fell over, unconscious.

"Good, the tranquilizer we shot him with before he got out is finally taking effect." Another aide sighed.

"When did he escape?" Justin asked, voice betraying the fact that he was exhausted with weird shit.

"About four days ago." The second aide answered.

"Hey, when Piccolo wakes up, give him a dose of this." said a smirking Cell, handing the Aides a "magic" chili dog.

"...We'll keep that in mind." The first aide (HA!) smiled back.

"Well, drag him out." Justin ordered the aides with a wave of his hand. "I guess, since the plaintiff is a nut, I have no choice but to declare Goku innocent of all charges."

"Thanks a bunch!" Goku optimistically said. "And, don't worry, I'm still looking for the Ramen guy. When I find him, I'll sue him all over again."

"Uh… you mean, you still haven't found him?"

"No."

THE END

**(Next Case: Bulma VS. Vegeta.)**


	10. Bulma VS Vegeta

**Disclaimer: Dragonball Z is owned by some Japanese dude in Japan. Which means there's no way I can own DBZ because, if I did, it would probably be obvious that I was Japanese. Ohh. Burned.**

**Thanks to the reviewers again. Helps to know I have a few readers, at least.**

**PS. YOU KNOW WHAT PM STANDS FOR? P IS FOR "PLEASE DON'T" AND M IS FOR "MAKE ME BEAT YOUR ASS FOR NOT SUBMITTING CASE IDEAS IN PM FORMAT." THANK YOU.  
**

_(Today's Case: Bulma is suing Vegeta for abuse. About frickin' time... or is it?_

_Plaintiff: Bulma_

_Defendant: Vegeta)_

"All rise for the dishonorable Judge Hazelton, who also works part time as a professional writer..." Cell paused for a second, then adds, "of CRAP!"

Justin walked into the room and sat down into the podium gadget thing and all the characters... well, they don't stand, but they sure do something.

"They must still be pissed because I made them rebuild this hellhole court." Justin said, smirking.

"Well, making Bubbles the Monkey help out and ending up with him being killed probably was no help." Cell noted.

"Who gives a shit?" Justin returned. "So, what's today's case?"

"Bulma is suing Vegeta for abuse." Cell read off his crumpled sheet of notebook paper made from the unholy flesh of Cthulhu.

"Dumb bitch shouldn't have married the prince of a race that kills people for snoring." Justin groaned at the idiocy of the case. "I mean, when the hell did she even develop a crush on the guy? And why..." Justin trailed off, deciding he didn't want to know. "Oh, well, send them in."

Bulma and a very fuming, pissed off Vegeta marched into the room.

"Cell, keep an eye out on Vegeta." Justin whispered. "He looks like he could strike at any moment."

"Uhh... okay." Cell shrugged.

"I heard that!" Vegeta yelled, pointing at Justin and Cell at the same time with one finger, the bad ass that he is.

"Okay, Bulma, what's this whole abuse thing about?" Justin asked Bulma.

"Ever cook a fish for your husband and have it thrown back at you because there was a bone in it?" Bulma asked shakily, obviously laying on the bullshit.

"I don't have a husband." Justin said back. "And, unless I still haven't confirmed my sexuality, I'm afraid I never will be able to relate to that."

"I suppose you won't." Bulma said, turning up her nose into the air.

"Her story is fake as hell!" Vegeta snapped. "She doesn't cook! Even Kakarot could cook better than her!"

"Yeah, that's ri- heeeeyyy..." Goku pouted, then stood up and left the court, presumably to look for Ramen guy.

"Well, it's true!" said Vegeta. "You ever have Kakarot make pancakes? They could double as frisbees! Now, imagine that, only 10 times worse. That's Bulma's cooking."

"Shut up, Vegetable Head." Bulma growled.

"Piss off, Blue Meanie!" Vegeta countered, having mastered the art of name-calling.

"Okay, it's obvious you two are having some deep issues-" Justin began.

"As deep as the cut that he etched into my cheek?" interrupted Bulma.

"I don't see any cut-"

_"Not. That. Cheek." _Bulma spoke through gritted teeth.

"Oh... ohhhhh... now I get it." Justin said, nodding.

"That was an accident!" Vegeta quickly jumped to his own defense. "I transformed into a Super Saiyan while we were-"

"I don't want to hear the rest." Justin said, raising his hand for silence. "Okay, so this whole thing seems to be at a standstill, so we'll have to use the back-up plan. Either of you have a witness?"

"I have a witness!" Vegeta said, raising his hand. "I call my son, Trunks, to the stand."

The little boy Trunks from the Majin Buu saga walked into the room and stood in the witness stand, where you can't see anything of him but a few strands of hair and debris where the walls of space and time collapsed around him.

"Okay, Trunks, what do you have to say?" Justin asked.

"Uhh... just what my mom told me to say." Trunks stated.

"So... basically, you aren't really a witness?"

"What's a witness?"

"Did you see your dad abuse your mom?"

"He calls her names... when she isn't around."

"Okay, you may leave." Justin said, smirking. Trunks left the courtroom.

"Well, now we're right back to page 1." Justin said. "Jury, go ahead and make a decision."

"But we have no evidence-" One of the little Cells began.

"Has that ever stopped you before?"

"Nope." The Cell Jrs said together.

"Then go." Justin pointed to the jury room.

The Cell Juniors entered the decision room and walked back out after seven minutes.

"We the jury find the defendant not guilty due to lack of proof." The jury announced.

"Rgh!" Bulma grunted.

"Ha ha! I win." Vegeta mocked his wife.

"Case closed." Justin announced.

Everyone left the court except for Bulma and Imperfect Cell, who was sitting in the audience.

"Well, that worked well, Piccolo." Imperfect Cell jeered.

Fake Bulma morphed into Piccolo.

"I thought for sure the butt scar would work." Piccolo growled.

"I was so close to having my punishment revoked." Imperfect Cell whined.

"How was this supposed to help you get a repeal?" Piccolo asked.

"...I'm not sure. Guess I didn't think that one out-"

"HEY!" An aide screamed, bursting through the doors.

"OH SHI-"

THE END

**(Next Case: Dragonball Z Girls VS. Master Roshi)**


	11. DBZ Girls VS Master Roshi

**Disclaimer: Owning Dragonball Z would mean I couldn't write all these WONDERFUL stories for you! Since I do not own Dragonball Z, that means I get to pump you full of my document until I get bored or die! Aren't you so happy?**

**HAPPINESS IS A WARM PM FULL OF CASE IDEAS. SADNESS IS A CASE IDEA PRESENTED IN A REVIEW. THANK YOU.  
**

_(Today's Case: The girls of Dragonball Z, Android 18, Bulma, Breast-Father, and several others, are suing that son of a bitch Master Roshi for being a disgusting, grope-happy, pervert bastard asshole prick, as the girls so lovingly call him._

_Plaintiff: DBZ Girls_

_Defendant: Master Roshi.)_

"All rise for a judge who never went to a day of law school in his whole, entire life." Cell barked. Literally. He lost a bet.

Justin sauntered into the courtroom and took his place at the podium.

"Okay, so, what are today's pointless rants about this time?" Justin asked.

"Sexual abuse." Cell said, getting Justin's interest immediately, because there's two things in this world that Justin loves more than anything: "Sex" and "ual abuse." "The women of DBZ have banded together to sue Master Roshi for his, and I'm quoting the girls on this, 'disgusting view of women as simply pieces of meat for a man's pleasure.'"

"Uh... don't they realize that Roshi is about 400 years old?" Justin wondered aloud. "Back in whenever-Roshi-was-born-since-you-never-learn-the-freaking-year-in-DBZ, that's probably how women were looked at. I don't think this case has any real standing."

"Well, their argument is that Roshi needs to realize that it's not that way anymore and that women can do every little thing a man can do just as good."

"Yeah, and I completely agree with that. I'm just saying I don't think you COULD convert old Roshi. Have you ever tried to convince an old person they were wrong about something? It's like traveling back in time."

"Well, Trunks can do that."

"Oh, yeah."

"Anyway, the girls are going to try to get Roshi to change his ways, impossible though it may seem."

"Oh well, now's as good a time as any to find out if it can be done. Send them all in."

"The girls are deciding who is going to represent them in the case." Cell pointed out the complete absence of females in the court.

"Oh, I didn't notice that they weren't in the audience at first, since there are almost no girls in DBZ. Okay, I'll wait."

About four minutes later, the representative for the girls and Master Roshi walked out to their respective places.

"Android 18?" said Justin. "That makes sense. Okay, Android 18, present your case."

"I, and the rest of the girls in the show, are completely sick of Roshi's misogynistic outlook." Android 18 began, arms crossed over her nice tits while every male character in the show oogled her ass. "It needs to be stopped, I don't want to have my daughter grow up around him. He always watches those damn exercise tapes, and I'm tired of having to take Marron out of the room when he plugs in one of the tapes that Dragonball Z won't show viewers."

Krillin stood up in the back and winked while giving a thumbs up, being discreet so his fine-ass wife wouldn't notice. Then he went back to sitting down.

"Okay, now, what about you, Roshi?" Justin asked, pointing the business end of his gavel at the defendant's desk.

"Err, what?" Roshi asked, holding a hand to his ear while leaning his head forward. "I'm sorry, mah ears haven't been the same since ANDROID 18 SCREAMED IN MY GODDAMN EAR FOR TRIPPING AND LANDING ON HER!"

"You didn't trip, you jumped!" Android 18 snapped. "Besides, your ears were bad before then! It's like carrying on a conversation from opposite sides of a football stadium!"

"YOU UNGRATEFUL BRAT, YOU HAVEN'T PAID THE RENT SINCE I WAS 14 YEARS OLD! PAY ME!"

"Okay, Roshi, first off, lower your voice an octave, I think you just woke up my dead relatives." Justin ordered. "Second of all, what in the name of all that is spotted dick are you talking about?"

"YOU UNGRATEFUL BRAT, _YOU_ HAVEN'T PAID THE RENT SINCE I WAS _5_ YEARS OLD! PAY ME!"

"I haven't got a clue what you're shouting about. Shut the hell up." Justin turned back to Android 18. "Okay, so, Roshi's girl-laden exploits are very well documented in the Dragonball Z series, so we have the evidence to support this case. The question is, do we need to put Roshi away over this? I mean, this is the way he's always going to be, and it's not really hurting anyone."

"YEAH, I NEVER HURT A LADY A SINGLE TIME IN MY LIFE! NO SIREE! I WOULD NEVER DO SUCH A HORRIBLE THING! BACK IN MY DAY WE GRABBED OUR WOMEN BY THE NAP OF THE NECK INSTEAD OF THE HAIR LIKE OUR FOREFATHERS. AND FURTHERMORE-"

"SHUT UP, SHUT UP, SHUT THE FUCK UP!" Justin shrieked, all patience out the window. "Jury, go make your decision before I commit murder-suicide!"

"He's guilty, and we demand the judge sentence him to get a hearing aid and a voice reduction." The Cell Jrs miraculously managed to say at the same time.

"With pleasure!" Justin slammed his almighty gavel down. "Case closed! Now, everyone get the hell out of here!"

"But what about-" 18 began.

"Fine, give him manners lessons or something also, just make him go away! Case closed, for Christ's sake!"

THE END

**(Next Case: Brief.)**


	12. Asst Black VS AKIRA FREAKING TORIYAMA

**Disclaimer: If you came to my house and watched my daily life, you would realize this and only this (actually a lot more than this, but I won't spoil anything for you): that guy definitely does not own Dragonball Z.**

**I WANT YOU... TO SUBMIT YOUR CASE IDEAS IN PM FORMAT. THANK YOU.  
**

_Okay, I have a couple of things to say. First of all, I will take requests in PM format. I have a list prepared of some requests and a few of my own ideas. I'll use some, but only some. If I use your request, I'll give you credit for it before the chapter. Oh, and, no more "Next Case" at the end._

_(Today's Case: Assistant Black of the now-defunct (not to mention "de-funked") Red Ribbon Army is suing Mr. Akira Toriyama himself for only having one African-American character in his series. I know, insane, isn't it?_

_Plaintiff: Assistant Black_

_Defendant: Akira Toriyama)_

"All rise for the single most white human being on the planet. Seriously, he's almost pink. Never go to the beach with him." Cell said.

Justin walked into the court and sat down at his little throne/podium gizmo, giving Cell a brief stink-eye regarding his previously-made fun of skin color.

"Okay, what is today's case?" Justin asked.

"Akira Toriyama is being sued for-"

"AKIRA FREAKING TORIYAMA?" Justin rudely interrupted, tears forming in his eyes. "What are you, nucking futs? I'm not going to judge a case where the creator of DBZ himself is in any way accused being at fault! No way, he created one of my favorite cartoons of my life... back when I was 10!"

"Are you done?"

"Yeah, go ahead."

"Very good. AKIRA FREAKING TORIYAMA is being sued for racism by Assistant Black from the original Dragonball."

"RACISM?" Justin gasped. "That dirty son of a bitch! How dare Assistant Black even THINK such a thing of the person that drew him? Send them both in, now!"

Assistant Black and AKIRA FREAKING TORIYAMA walked into the court and to their respective desk things. Except, as both of the gentlemen swiftly noticed, AKIRA FREAKING TORIYAMA was allowed to sit at a throne and be fed by maidens. Oh, yeah, and he was also fanned by Cell, too.

"Oh, see, that's what I mean!" Assistant Black bitched in a bitchy fashion. "AKIRA FREAKING TORIYAMA gets a gold throne, bitches, and an iguana, where I have to sit at this scratched up desk with a cheap-ass pen. What does this scratch say? 'Justin SUX?' What the HELL kind of a desk is this?"

"Okay, which one of you ingrates wrote that?" Justin growled at the audience, eyes narrowing. The guilty party was, in fact, Cell. The android, as a distraction for Justin to redirect his short attention span, coughed loudly. It worked.

"Cell, you should do something about that cough. It might get your weird, stinky saliva all over the BEST ARTIST EVER!" Justin gushed giddily before going back to being as dignified as he is capable of being (change was not noticeable). "Anyway, what is this pointless case about, Mr. Black?"

"AKIRA FREAKING TORIYAMA is a racist!" Black yelled. "He named me 'Assistant BLACK', and I'm the only black character in this series, save for that one illiterate wrestler guy! And, if you don't agree with me, you're a racist too!"

"I'm black!" Mr. Popo yelled out from the back.

"You're some kind of mutant freak, you are not black!"

Mr. Popo, an outcast with an old Namek boyfriend all his life, cried heartily for 30 minutes while everyone else awkwardly watched him. After the excruciating half-hour, he stopped, allowing court to continue as if nothing had happened.

"Okay, AKIRA FREAKING TORIYAMA, how do you respond?" Justin asked.

"Well, your honor, there are not that many African-Americans in Dragonball and Dragonball Z because not too many of them live in Japan and about half of the characters are some form of alien. So, I couldn't really draw too many." AKIRA FREAKING TORIYAMA explained gracefully. Yes, it is possible to explain something gracefully. The man can eat James Bond and shit gold, don't you dare even entertain a notion that would lead you to question him at any time.

"Oh, God, that makes so much sense, doesn't it?" Justin sighed, head in hands.

"Yeah, it does!" Everyone in the court responded.

"Mmm... grapes!" AKIRA FREAKING TORIYAMA said as he savored grapes.

"Mmm... grapes!" The court echoed.

"Jury, your decision?" Justin asked of the jury.

"We vote AKIRA FREAKING TORIYAMA because of his sheer overpowering awesomeness!" The Cell Jrs concluded.

"Assistant Black, for your shameful agenda, I sentence you to-"

"Don't sentence him. He's fine, it's a mere misunderstanding." AKIRA FREAKING TORIYAMA calmly spoke.

"Very well, Assistant Black is free to go." Justin said quickly as AKIRA FREAKING TORIYAMA got up from his seat.

"Well, I've gotta go! Remember, say 'no' to drugs!" Gohan promptly put away his heroin.

AKIRA FREAKING TORIYAMA flew away with a golden jetpack, crashing through the ceiling in the process.

"That was awesome!" Justin screamed as he pumped his fist. "Case closed! Everyone of you peons needs to leave RIGHT NOW!"

"Should we do something about the hole he left in the ceiling? Or, you know, let all the bees in?" Cell questioned.

"No way, AKIRA FREAKING TORIYAMA left it! It's a badge of honor!" Justin relaxed in his chair, hands behind his head. "Now, fan me, or I'll tell on you!"

THE END


	13. Vegeta vs AKIRA MUTHAFECKIN TORIYAMA

**Disclaimer: Dragonball Z is owned by Akira Toriyama and dubbed by _freaking idiots... in __America__!_**

******HERE, READ THIS BACKWARDS: ".UOY KNAHT .KREJ UOY, YLNO TAMROF MP ERA SAEDI ESAC"**_  
_

_(Today's Case: Vegeta is suing AKIRA MUTHAFECKIN TORIYAMA for not having any female saiyans in his series._

_Plaintiff: Vegeta_

_Defendant: AKIRA MUTHAFECKIN TORIYAMA)_

"All rise for the guy with the FOURTH-SMELLIEST FEET IN EXISTENCE!" Cell bellowed to the awaiting audience as Judge Justin walked in and assumed his place at the podium gadget.

"Ahh, I can feel the air coming through that hole in the ceiling..." Justin moaned with pleasure. A little too much pleasure, in all honesty.

"Yeah, and you also have a bee on your face." Cell chuckled darkly.

"Yes, but it is a bee that AKIRA MUTHAFECKIN TORIYAMA allowed in." Justin bowed in his seat. "Thank you, Mr. AKIRA MUTHAFECKIN TORIYAMA!"

"Well, speaking of AKIRA MUTHAFECKIN TORIYAMA, he's the one who is being sued today by Vegeta."

"AGAIN?" Justin slammed his hands on the podium. "Don't these idiots realize that they should never mess with the best? Send them in!"

Vegeta and AKIRA MUTHAFECKIN TORIYAMA walked into the room. That is to say, only Vegeta actually walked in. AKIRA MUTHAFECKIN TORIYAMA, on the other hand, rode in on a motercycle made of sliver and gold that ran only on artistic genius so, needless to say, it had unlimited fuel. AKIRA MUTHAFECKIN TORIYAMA jumped off the bike and walked to his booth for the case, parking his motorcycle in front of the podium. This motorcycle was glorious enough to make every human, android, saiyan, and namekian tremble with jealous rage so intense that there were several fires started in the building. All of this while Vegeta just sort of wandered to his little booth made of Jaguar teeth and frozen piss.

"Okay, Vegeta, what's your lame excuse for suing the MASTER OF DRAGONBALL Z?" Justin demanded, emphasizing the last words.

"AKIRA MUTHAFECKIN TORIYAMA is against the mighty saiyan race!" Vegeta bitched. "He rarely ever drew any female saiyans because he didn't want us to reproduce! And then he makes Frieza blow all of us to hell! He is against the saiyans and he knows it!"

"Wah wah wah, big deal. Would you like a little cheese with your WHINE?" Justin mocked, before turning to kiss AKIRA MUTHAFECKIN TORIYAMA's ass harder than a degraded porn star with a shit addiction. "AKIRA MUTHAFECKIN TORIYAMA, your response?"

"I never drew female saiyans because Frieza kidnapped most of them and tossed them into slavery. There's the reason. However, Vegeta does have a point about the whole Frieza thing. I had to make a plot somehow." He responded.

"I think it sounds reasonable." Justin shrugged.

"We find Vegeta guilty for attempting to sue the most radical-ass person EVER." The Cell Juniors concluded simultaneously.

"Vegeta, I sentence you to nothing, out of the mercy of my heart-" Justin started, but was interrupted when everyone began laughing from their gut at Justin's ludicrous comment. "…or, actually, because that's what AKIRA MUTHAFECKIN TORIYAMA would want."

"I appreciate it, Judge. Now, I need to be off, I'm late for my GENIUS SEMINAR."

AKIRA MUTHAFECKIN TORIYAMA jetpacked out through the same hole (get your god damn minds out of the gutter right now) and Vegeta, in usual Vegeta fashion, was pissed.

"He called me judge!" Justin gushed.

"GODDAMNIT ALL TO THE GATES OF JACKSHIT HELL!" Vegeta shrieked suddenly. "NO FEMALE SAIYANS BECAUSE OF THAT RAT BASTARD AND NOW I'M STUCK MARRIED TO MISS 'YOU DON'T CARE ABOUT BE' AND THAT SPOILED LITTLE DEVIL CHILD !FMW"

Vegeta was overwhelmed in his old age and he proceeded to go into a rage-induced seizure. Of course, nobody in the entire court cared. Why should they have? After all, he insulted AKIRA MUTHAFECKIN TORIYAMA, therefore he was left on the floor to roll around in his own mouth-foam.

"We have a little time left; let's engage in awkward small talk, Cell." Justin ordered. "The people will be pleased.

"Oh, yeah, that sounds fine." Cell rolled his eyes and sneered.

Justin, for want of anything to say, started doing what anyone should do in his situation: begin a discussion about his feet. "Wow, my feet seriously do stink, don't they?"

"Oh, God, yes. I don't know how in fuck-hell you don't notice it."

"It's more than likely that I will never find love from a beautiful female companion because of it."

"You're not gay?"

"What gave you that idea?"

"The fact that you don't stare longingly at any of the fine-ass women in the audience."

"They're fictional characters, Cell. For God's sake, I don't stroke it to cartoons, I'm not Oscar, you know."

Cell was taken aback. "You're calling ME fictional?"

"Well, you are. You were drawn by AKIRA MUTHAFECKIN TORIYAMA, weren't you?"

"Well, yeah, but still, that really hurts my feelings." Cell pouted and crossed his arms. "Sometimes I wish I were reading this instead of experiencing it like the people reading this right now get to."

"What do you mean?" Justin questioned the bailiff.

"Some guy in the audience writes down what happens and they post it on some website where people write Dragonball Z stories."

"Holy crap, really? HEY READERS! HEY, YOU, THE PERSON READING THIS! HEEEEYYYY!"

"HE WANTS TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU!"

"Damn you, Cell, now you've alienated all the readers, you moron!"

THE END!


	14. Trunks and Bra VS Bulma

**Disclaimer: I don't own Dragonball Z, but I may consider renting it in the distant future.**

**PUT SOME CASE IDEAS IN A DELICIOUS MILKSHAKE, BLEND IT UP AND SERVE IT TO ME IN THE FORM OF A COURTEOUS PM! THANK YOU.  
**

_(Today's Case: Trunks and Bra are suing the HELL out of their mother for abuse._

_Plaintiff: Trunks and Bra_

_Defendant: Bulma)_

"All rise for the most classy individual this side of Beavis and Butthead!" Cell ordered.

Justin walked with a distinct pessimism into the courtroom and to his podium thing to take a seat.

"Okay, Cell, what's today's clogged pipe of idiocy that I am forced to drain out?" Justin sighed, head in hands.

"Today, you are draining out Trunks and Pan's pipe against Bulma."

"What did Bulma do to them?"

Cell looked down at his paper, which smelled of elephant vomit and look worse than that. "Abuse, apparently."

"Interesting." Justin mused, sitting up a little bit. "It's not the DBGT version, is it?"

"No, it's him during the 10-year gap between Z and GT."

"That's fine with me. Send them in."

On cue, Trunks and Bulma walked to their little desks and prepared for another fantastic whine-fest.

"Alright, Trunks, what's your case?" Justin asked.

"Me and Pan are SO SICK and SO TIRED of going to school every day and being picked on because of our mother!" Trunks bitched almost inhumanly.

"Okay, so, what did your mother do to put you under all this abuse?" Justin asked, patience already withered.

"These lame-ass names!" Trunks spat. "I'm tired of being asked if I want to go swimming in the hallways every single day by some idiot football jock, and I'm also tired of having to beat up every kid who asks my sister if she would take her BRA off for them! It's enough to make you sick."

"He he, priceless," chuckled Justin.

"He he, priceless," echoed Vegeta.

"Bulma, give your response." Justin ordered to the defendant.

"First of all, I'm not going to change their names, it's a tradition that was started by my great-great grandfather, Boxer Briefs!" Bulma began, inciting muffled laughs from some members of the audience (Vegeta). "Second of all, Trunks is toughened up when he has to take on all those kids at school! Sometimes I worry about that boy, he's always in that room playing that Dungeons and Dragons game and listening to that band with the castrated lead singer-"

"It's RUSH, mother," Trunks interrupted, "and the lead singer's name is GEDDY LEE! WHAA!"

"See, this is what I mean," Bulma said with exasperation. "If you ask me, Trunks needs to be one of those "football jocks" he hates so much! He'd be great at it, and Bra would make a great model, if she'd grow a goddamn chest..."

"Hey, wait, I thought the girl's name was Bulla." Justin said dully, already knowing the answer.

"Nope, her real name is Bra."

"Okay, then, FUNimation lies to the world again."

"I have a witness!" Trunks yelled suddenly.

"Wow, we haven't had a witness in a long time," said the now more interested judge.

"I call my sister, Bra, to the stand."

Bra wandered in and stood inside the witness stand/litterbox.

"Why am I, like, standing in cat litter and stuff?" Bra asked, disturbed.

"Well, since we haven't had a witness in a long while, I agreed to let Cell use it as a litterbox for his Kitty." Justin explained, much to the embarrassment of his softie bailiff.

"Whatever." Bra waved it off. "So, anyways, we always, like, have to deal with a bunch of mean jerks talking to us all, like, weird and stuff. Even the teacher is all like, 'ha ha, he he, ho ho,' when she calls our names in roll. And it's all because mom, like, insists on naming us after underpants."

"Aren't you a little old to be talking like a stupid valley girl?" Justin growled.

"Oh my God, like, shut up! You're, like, so mean and stuff!"

Justin groaned. "Okay, jury, make your decision."

The jury walked in and out of the jury room with a verdict. It took less than a minute, if you were wondering.

"We, the jury, find the defendant guilty, along with old and senile."

"Okay, then I sentence Bulma to live in the nursing home, due to her old age." Justin sneered, banging the gavel.

"Well, I never," Bulma pouted, arms crossed.

"She's still pretty young in bed! Whoooo!" Vegeta yelled from the back.

"Thanks for the support, you shithead!" Bulma screamed without even turning around.

"Okay, haul her to the nursing home; we need to make sure she gets there in time for bingo!" Justin said, mockingly cheerful.

A bunch of nurses came into the court and stuck old Bulma in a wheelchair to run her to the good ol' wrinkle bin.

"Um, Justin, isn't this going to create some kind of plot hole in DBGT?" Cell asked, hating to bring up GT.

"GT has so many damned plot holes already, who would notice?" Justin growled.

"YAY, WE'RE FREE!" Trunks and Bra screamed together.

"Yes, you are, now run, run home and don't look back! Oh, and watch out for old Slugworth!" Justin yelled as they ran for the back.

Trunks and Bra ran right back home, Vegeta following behind them.

"Case closed, I'm gonna go argue with some fat nerd of a goofy message board!"

THE END!


	15. Android 17 and 18 VS Dr Gero

**Disclaimer: Dragonball Z? What's that Z doing there? If I owned it, I'd rename it "Dragonball Bad Ass Mutha." But, unfortunately, I do not own Dragonball Z. Happy? Is that clear enough for you? By the way, thanks again for all the reviews... and all the fish.**

**DO NOT SEND ME CASE IDEAS IN AM FORMAT, AS THAT MAKES NO SENSE AND IS RETARDED. INSTEAD, USE PM FORMAT, WHICH IS MUCH SAFER FOR CHILDREN.  
**

_(Today's Case: Androids 17 and 18 are suing Dr. Gero for kidnapping them and being old. Actually, just kidnapping them.  
_

_Plaintiff: Android 17, representing the two._

_Defendant: Dr. Gero)_

"All rise for Mr. Garrison's illegitimate love child!" Cell demanded a few seconds before Justin entered the room and sat at his copyrighted gigantic podium.

"Alright, which pussy is moaning about bitch shit this time?" Justin moaned, face in hands. "I'm not sure if you noticed by now, but I'm in a very angry mood, and I REALLY don't feel like being here."

"Androids 17 and 18 are suing Dr. Gero for kidnapping them and turning them into ass kicking machines."

"Are you cereal?" Justin groaned again. "Wasn't that 20 years ago or something?"

"Yes, but they want to have another excuse to pummel Gero, it seems."

"Fine, send them in. I hope that the old man is missing his head so we don't have to hear him talk."

At Justin's whim, Android 17 and Dr. Gero walked in and sat down at their desk thingies.

"Great, he has his head," growled Justin.

"I could kick it off, if you want," offered Cell.

"NO!" Dr. Gero screamed out.

"As much as I would enjoy that, I have to give a fair trial to these two." Justin said, trying to straighten up and collect himself after a bad start to a bad day.

"Thank you." Gero bowed, eliciting a hateful sneer from the judge. "I am most certain that I will get a fair trial and these ridiculous allegations will be thrown out of court."

"Guilty." Justin concluded, gavel raised.

"What?"

"You heard me!" Justin spat at the old man. "Everyone knows you kidnapped those two, I don't want to hear anything from either side, and I want to go home. My back hurts, I had a goddamn Big Mac before coming here, the buns tasted like paper and had a certain brown sauce on the bottom which I am more than certain was courtesy of my asshole neighbor that I found out today just happens to work there who blasts loud-ass music from his house and repeatedly wakes my dead grandmother up with it. I tell the guy to turn it off; he calls the police on me and puts a dead dog in the driveway. I had to get bailed out by my uncle last night, who called me a little bitch and told me to stick up for myself more. I tried to explain to him that I do stick up for myself, but he turned up Rush Limbaugh for the three hour drive home before I could get a word in. I tell you, I hate my neighbor. I wish I could count the amount of times I went to that tit-face's shithole house, kicked him in the balls, and rammed my foot up his ass-"

"I'm sure you've had a lot of experience with ramming things in people's asses," Gero interrupted, mockingly feigning innocence.

"Shut the hell up!" Justin yelled. "You are guilty! You are guiltier than Michael Jackson and OJ Simpson combined!"

"Both of them were declared innocent."

"SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP!" Justin began yanking his hair out. "You hear me, you old flubberass? I'm NOT SAYING ANYTHING ELSE! CASE CLOSED!"

Just as Justin prepared to leave after slamming down the gavel harder than he ever did, an energy beam came out of nowhere.

"What the hell?" Justin muttered.

"The podium has been installed with energy-beam cannons that go off if you try to leave without giving a fair trial," said Cell.

"Shit." Justin went back to the chair. "Okay, Android 17, present the case."

17 pointed with his thumb at the defendant. "He kidnapped me and 18 by buying us beers and slipping roofies in them. The end."

"I would never!" Gero fumed. "You wandered into my cave, half dead may I add, and I gave you robot parts so you could live!"

"Okay, I didn't want to have to pull this out, but you forced me to," snapped Android 17 before he pulled out a skirt.

"This is the skirt that my sister was wearing the day Dr. Gero was wearing the day of the kidnapping." 17 held it up for the court.

"Well, that doesn't look very spe-" Justin suddenly squinted, then his eyes registered utter disgusted shock. "OH GOD, IS THAT A STAIN ON THE **FRONT?"**

"Yes, now doesn't that seem suspicious?"

"THAT'S NOT HOW IT GOT THERE AND YOU KNOW IT!" Gero screamed in defense.

17 sneered. His plan was working. "Then how?"

"Well, 18 spilled beer on herself after I grabbed her when she passed out and- DAMN!"

"A-HA!" Justin pointed and laughed. "Haul his ass off!"

Dr. Gero was promptly taken to jail by Cell. And by jail, I mean fired out of a cannon into the sun. Characters and readers alike rejoiced, because his voice was very annoying.

"Case closed, I'm going to be colonically cleansed so I can know what it's like to not be so full of shit." Justin banged his gavel in conclusion.

THE END!


	16. Trunks VS Vegeta

**Disclaimer: Dragonball Z? Please, no 15 year old in his right mind would name it something that sounds as sexual as that... oh, wait... well, anyway, I don't own it.**

**By the way, keep those ideas coming, I have a few great ones that you're going to see in later chapters. Trust me, your best ideas are written down and you will see them on your screen soon as possible.**

**BACK WHEN I WAS YOUR AGE, WE DIDN'T HAVE PM THINGIES THAT WE COULD USE AS OUR ONLY MEANS TO SEND NED THE JANITOR CASE IDEAS! WE HAD TO WRITE THEM DOWN ON A PIECE OF BARK, WAIT A DAY, THEN SHIT THEM OUT RIGHT ON NED'S FACE AND RUB THE BARK-CASE IDEA-SHIT INTO HIS EVERY FACIAL PORE THROUGH THE ART OF EXOTIC MASSAGE! THANK YOU.  
**

_(Today's Case: Trunks is suing Vegeta for child abuse. Isn't Trunks the biggest crybaby bitch you've ever read about?_

_Plaintiff: Trunks_

_Defendant: Vegeta)_

"All rise for the Mayor of Shit Creek," demanded Bailiff Cell of the awaiting audience. "And by the way, nobody gets a paddle. Ever."

Justin walked into the increasingly filthy courtroom and sauntered to the podium, taking a seat and surveying everything.

"Alright, who am I going to have to hear bitch today?" Justin asked Cell.

Cell read off of a paper that was growing mold featuring colors that no one had ever seen before and ever wanted to see again. "Well, Trunks is suing Vegeta for child abuse."

"Oh boy, Trunks again." Justin rolled his eyes. "I wish that I could place a restraining order against Trunks that would make him unable to set foot in this court room. Oh, the day when I can keep him away! Bring them in, Cell."

Trunks and Vegeta walked in before Cell could take the chance to drag them in by force and sat obediently in their places. Justin didn't even have to speak a word before the eager-beaver Trunks immediately started his effete whining.

"My father hits me and yells at me for no reason!" Trunks bitched. "It happens almost weekly and it hurts so bad! I ask him to stop, but it only makes him do it more-"

"WHEN WE'RE TRAINING, YOU ALWAYS CURL UP INTO A BALL AND WEEP!" Vegeta interrupted with a bellow toward his 'tard son. "I'M TRYING TO MAKE YOU STRONGER, BUT YOU ALWAYS START CRYING AND IT MAKES ME VERY UNCOMFORTABLE!"

"I don't need this mental anguish after mom was sent to the nursing home! Do you not have a soul?"

"THE JUDGE SENT HER THERE, DON'T BLAME ME FOR THAT!"

"There's no need to shout everything you say, Vegeta." Justin calmly stated. "We're all in hearing distance of you, God help us all."

"I haven't had sex in a week, so I'm a little tense...," Vegeta's eyes burrowed into his idiot son, "especially now that I'm being sued by my own SON, who SUES SOMEBODY ABOUT EVERY THREE CASES!"

"Please, Justin, I want a new daddy!" Trunks begged. "The guy on TV says I can get one if I sue him... or, wait, was it that? I can't remember, but still, I want you to replace my father anyways! I want somebody who will bond with me, so that one day, I may sue him too!"

"Trunks, you're about 20 now, move out of the house." Justin said bluntly. "You're free now, the cage has been opened, go enjoy life! Take a crap on a few people's heads, just go crazy!"

"Oh... I never thought of it that way." Trunks placed his hand on his chin. "But, Dad keeps making me go to the house so he can beat me!"

"I'M TRYING TO KEEP YOU FROM TURNING INTO THE WHINY CRY BABY WUSS YOU ARE NOW! Damn it, Trunks, grow a pair!"

"I can't, Dad, I'm a guy."

"No, he means..." Justin trailed off, then smirked, "Never mind, the mental image of you with tits is funny to an almost intestine-wrenching extent."

The courtroom bursted out in a simultaneous snort of suppressed laughter.

"Wow, now I kind of get those gay pairings involving Tru-" Cell began.

"Don't finish that sentence, we don't have the money to rebuild the fourth wall." Justin turned to the Cell Juniors. "Okay, jury, what is your decision?"

"We find the defendant not guilty, but loud!"

"Oh, odd and bodkins!" Trunks lisped out. "I guess I'll have to RUN!"

Trunks tried to do just that, but Cell promptly caught up with him in a timely enough fashion that, if one had a stopwatch, they would barely have been any time between the stop and go clicks.

"Hey, your skin is really soft!" Cell smirked.

"Stop using quotes from creepy wrestling commercials or I'll SUE YOU!"

"I was going to punish you by kicking your sorry ass out of my court for good, but having you here bitching about made up offenses kind of amuses me." Justin banged his gavel of truth. "I sentence you to sit in a room with Katy Perry's 'Hot n' Cold' playing very loudly over and over on a big screen television for 24 hours. It is the worst punishment we could dish out."

"What about 27 hours?" Trunks asked before he could stop himself.

"Even better! Make it so!"

Justin banged the gavel and Trunks was dragged, kicking and screaming, into the white room by Cell.

"Case closed, I'm going to grab a sandwich from Pizza Hut, and then stop by the clinic to pick up a bottle of water."

THE END!


	17. Hercule VS Videl

**Disclaimer: Shh, I'm watching Mulholland Dr. Oh, whatever, I don't own Dragonball Z, and now I missed the naughty scene between Naomi Watts and the other lady I don't give a blue-balls fuck about. I hope you're happy.**

**I WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR CASE IDEAS... BUT I WON'T PUT THEM IN ANY FORMAT OTHER THAN PM... THANK YOU...  
**

_(Today's Case: Hercule, having just gotten back from watching DBZ over and over, is suing Videl for not having permission to date or marry Gohan. Whose side are you on?_

_Plaintiff: Hercule_

_Defendant: Videl)_

"All rise for a dirty no-good stinking pervert with athlete's foot even though he's not an athlete!" Cell shouted all in one breath.

Justin walked into the court room and sat down at his chair.

"Well, we had to let Hercule out today, he bailed out." Cell sighed.

"Great," groaned Justin, hand on forehead, "so he's still delusional?"

"Even more so than before, he spoke in nothing but quotes from Goku for about an hour until we slapped him out of it."

"Did you slap him hard? I hope."

"As hard as I could without killing him. Of course, now the stupid bastard has a case today."

Justin groaned again, louder. "Talk about a glutton for punishment. So, what's the case I have to settle today that has to do with Hercule, Cell?"

"Hercule is suing Videl for not having if she could date and marry Gohan." Cell read off a paper that has seen worse days than John McCain.

"Well, he already said no pretty goddamn clearly before she even asked, so what's the point?"

"This is Hercule we're talking about, Judge. In his state, I'm not even sure he knows what a Videl or a Gohan is."

"Oh, right." Justin and Cell both rolled their eyes at the thought of Hercule's idiocy and newfound brain damage. "Send them in, and make it quick, I've got a fight coming up."

Hercule and Videl walked in and sat down at their places, Hercule looking like he was so ready to argue that he could burst.

"Okay, commence the arguing in 3... 2... 1..." Justin counted off silently.

"My daughter disobeyed my orders and married that skinny runt she went to school with and I DEMAND that you void their marriage and send this 'Gohan' kid as far away as possible!" Hercule screamed completely on Justin's cue.

"We've already sent him far away, he's in Dragonball GT." Justin said matter-of-factly. "You don't get much farther from Dragonball Z than that."

"Good! That's one step taken! Now the next thing I want you to do is void the marriage!"

"No. I can't do that."

Hercule's face went red. "What? Why not? I paid good money to get revenge on my teenage daughter- err, break up that marriage!"

"She doesn't need your permission to marry Gohan. This is the 21st Century. She's a grown woman, unlike you, since you're neither a woman nor grown up."

"See, dad?" Videl spoke up. "I told you that this was a really stupid way to get revenge."

The old man ignored his daughter and eyed the judge furiously. "Listen here, you little punk, you kill that marriage or I'll hurt you!" Hercule stepped out from behind the plaintiff's chair and raised his fists.

"You couldn't hurt Puar, and believe me, I've seen you try."

"WHAT?" Yamcha bellowed from the second row. "No one fucks with my girl! I'll meet you outside after this is over, Hercule!"

"Frame ME, will you? NOW YOU'RE GOING TO DIE!" Hercule approached the podium, fists of no fury raised.

Justin smiled. "Cell, if you would please act now, before he gives me a massage that I don't feel like getting."

Cell picked Hercule up and busted the plaintiff desk into a pile of tiny pieces with his back and balding head before setting him back in his chair. Hercule now had delirium from all of the extensive head trauma, and it was unbelievably hilarious, as you can imagine.

"Did anyone get the number on that there bus there?" Hercule slurred.

"Are you going to reach a verdict now?" Videl asked impatiently.

"Are you going to verdict a reach now?" Hercule mimicked, or tried to.

"Yeah, sure," Justin said. "Okay, jury, what do you say about all this?"

One Cell Junior spoke up, "Well, I think it's retarded myself, and-"

"We know. What VERDICT have you reached?"

Hercule took his boots off just then. "Hey, look, the magical pink gate to Candyland! Videl, let's go, we can pick up some cotton candy-flavored chocolate with caramel-flavored nuts! If you're good Videl, I might even take you to the Strawberry Milk Volcano!"

"You're the only nut around here, now shut up, you're scaring off the more fragile people in the room." Justin snapped. "Give your verdict, Jury."

"We find the defendant not guilty," spoke the Cell Juniors.

"Okay, Hercule, your fine is..."

Justin noticed that Hercule was running around with an imaginary chocolate bar, half naked.

"You know what, if someone would take a picture of this, that would be punishment enough."

About 100 simultaneous pictures were promptly snapped in the court room by random Dragonball Z characters. Mostly from Yamcha.

"Good, that's very good," Justin rubbed his hands together, pleased. "Case dismissed, I'm going to watch Eraserhead for the thousandth time, hoping this time I'll figure out what the hell's going on. Oh yeah, and I've still got a fight coming up! Buh-bye!"

THE END!


	18. Kami VS Dende

**Disclaimer: Dragonball Z is not mine, I don't own it, stop asking if you can buy it from me, you stupid retard idiots.**

**MY NAME IS MARISSA. I AM EIGHTEEN YEARS OLD. I WAS KIDNAPPED BY GERMANS AND FORCED TO PROLAPSE MY OWN ANUS AND RAPE MY FATHER WITH IT. IF YOU DO NOT SEND YOUR CASE IDEAS TO NED THE JANITOR THROUGH PM ONLY AND THEN SEND THIS TO FIVE MORE PEOPLE, YOU WILL BE MET WITH THE SAME FATE AS MY FATHER. THANK YOU.  
**

_(Today's Case: Kami is suing Dende for not asking permission before taking over as guardian of the earth. Are you noticing a trend here?_

_Plaintiff: Kami_

_Defendant: Dende)_

"All rise for the only guy to ever trip someone during the Boston Marathon!" Cell commanded. "Seriously, you should have been there. It was hilarious to the point of sadness."

Justin walked into the room and sat down at the podium thingamabob.

"How did your fight go?" Cell immediately asked. "Did you win? If you didn't, show me the bruises, I like seeing pain."

"What the hell are you talking about?" Justin asked back.

"You know, the fight you were talking about."

Justin raised one eyebrow. "You must be crazy. The likelihood of me getting into a fight is the same as you winning the lottery."

"I don't play the lottery."

"Exactly my point."

So Cell changed the subject, disappointed in the distinct lack of fighting in a Dragonball Z story. "Did you at least find out what in God's name Eraserhead was about, then?"

"Nope, that movie is crazy, it is. So, what's today's case?"

"Kami, the former guardian of Earth, has been let out of Piccolo's body for one day and is using his day to sue Dende for taking over as current guardian of Earth without asking permission." Cell read verbatim from his case paper which was stapled together from the rotted flesh of a thousand turds.

Justin rolled his eyes. "Permission, again? How stupid. Well, send in the clowns, I guess."

A bunch of clowns ran into the room out of nowhere and sat down with the DBZ cast. Yes, the cast was just as confused as you are right now. They were even more confused when they became aroused after a clown sat on their lap due to the fact that not enough seats could go around for the cast and the clowns.

"Crap, I meant send in the plaintiff and defendant." Justin snapped at Cell, then the clowns. "Go get back in your tiny car, clowns!"

The clowns made sad faces and walked back out of the court as Kami and Dende walked in and took their places at their respective desks.

"Okay, present your cases before those clowns come back with fruit."

"This young whippersnapper over here has taken my position without asking me first," rasped the former guardian. "Young men like him just don't care about their elders anymore! I want his to be put away for a very very very long time!"

"Kami, I'm over here, you're talking to the window and getting drool all over it." Justin said gently to the old man. "Cell, go clean it up."

"Damn you." Cell muttered.

"DON'T CUSS YOU PUNK!" Kami bellowed.

"Whatever."

"This young whippersnapper-"

"I heard you the first time you said it, I don't want to hear it again." Justin turned to the defendant. "Dende, present your counter argument."

"It's ridiculous that Kami is angry at me for this, it was obvious that Piccolo approved, and Piccolo had Kami inside of him!" Dende whined slightly.

"That sounded so wrong," muttered Cell as he was cleaning up.

"He has a good point, Kami. Besides, what's wrong with Dende being the guardian?"

"It's not that, it's just that he didn't know whether I approved or not!" Kami stomped impotently. "He just went off and accepted the position without considering the other man! If I would have done something like that when I was his age, I'd have been hung up by my thumbs all night!"

"There was no way I could ask you in person, Piccolo had you inside of him already!" Dende said, then his face went red at the innuendo. But it was too late. Good thing Kami doesn't know what sex is.

"You could've used a wish from the Dragon to get me out of Piccolo, he didn't need me anymore!" Kami fumed.

"First of all, that would have been pointless, since I wouldn't have been guardian anymore, and second, we needed those wishes after the fight with Cell!"

"You guys didn't need to wish the bomb out of that girl!"

Justin finally interrupted the debate. "Kami, we went over this last case, he doesn't need your permission, you went into Piccolo." Dende blushed again at Justin's words.

"YOU DADGUMED KIDS NOWDAYS JUST REFUSE TO ADMIT YOUR MISTAKES, DON'T YOU?" Kami screeched, hand over heart.

"Hey, don't get cranky with me, it's not my fault you're a washed up old man with the arthritis and the Alzheimer's."

Kami's face went blank. "WHERE AM I? IS MY MOM HERE TO PICK ME UP YET?"

"Okay, jury, what do you say? Hurry up, before we get another Hercule in here."

"We find the defendant not guilty, due to impossible circumstances." The Cell Juniors concluded.

"Kami, your fine is your time being cut short." Justin banged the gavel. "Bailiff, take him back to Piccolo."

"NO! I DON'T WANNA GO! I'M TIRED, I'M BORED!" Cell hauled the shouting Kami back to the mental asylum where Piccolo was still.

"Case dismissed, I'm going to go 88 miles per hour to stop myself from becoming this judge so that I can stay at home and sleep. Bye-o!"

THE END!


	19. Frieza VS GODDANG AKIRA TORIYAMA

**Disclaimer: I don't own Dragonball Z. But, if I did, I'm sure I'd take the time to explain why 5 minutes is equal to 5 episodes (I think) in the series. Hey, does anyone know if DBZ Kai fixed that...?**

**CASE IDEA IS TO PM AS PENIS IS TO VAGINA. THANK YOU.  
**

_(Today's Case: Frieza is suing GODDANG AKIRA TORIYAMA for making his transformations last way too long. Radiza-Saiyajin-Goddes is responsible for this idea. Thank you._

_Plaintiff: Frieza_

_Defendant: GODDANG AKIRA TORIYAMA)_

Cell spoke up. "All rise for the guy who is living proof that there is no Santa Claus. And that would be because he killed him, and ate his brain, just to possess his power."

Justin walked into the courtroom, slowly, and sat down on the chair, going "OW" the whole time.

"Let me guess: butt sex, right?" Cell sneered.

No, fuck head, I have a sunburn!" Justin pouted. "That SPF 50 shit doesn't work! Look at me! My skin is freaking purple! It was a lot worse yesterday, I smelled like bacon."

"You always smell like bacon."

"I mean burnt." Justin reclined on his chair, only to wince in pain. "So, what is the case for today?"

"Frieza is suing GODDANG AKIRA TORIYAMA for giving him transformations that take too long. I, for one, think Frieza should shut up and deal with it."

"I agree wholeheartedly. Damnit, GODDANG AKIRA TORIYAMA is a busy man!" Justin stood. "He has no time for Frieza's lowly needs. I don't either! I need to be at home, crying and peeling, wishing I wasn't born and all that rot." Justin sat back down. "Oh, whatever, send them in and let's hurry this inane shit up."

Frieza and GODDANG AKIRA TORIYAMA entered the courtroom at Justin's behest. Frieza was given a meager wooden desk, while GODDANG AKIRA TORIYAMA was graced with a luxury condo. Yes, right there in the courtroom. Don't you wish you could be him right now, as opposed to sitting in your basement and reading this dumbass fanfic?

"Man, I bet you had trouble hauling THAT in, didn't you, Cell?" Justin chuckled.

"No, you jackass, it wasn't hard at all." Cell barked.

"You know, this really wasn't necessary," said GODDANG AKIRA TORIYAMA.

Justin gushed. "He's so humble! Frieza, how could you sue someone like him?"

"You would too, if your goddamn transformations took all of 3 hours!" Frieza snapped.

"I'm afraid I can't relate to that very well."

"Sure you can! You're transforming right now."

Justin raised an eyebrow. "Uh... no, I'm not."

"Don't mock me! Your skin is coming off, that means you are turning into another being."

"I wish that were the case."

"Well, then, why the hell ARE you peeling?"

"Because, unlike you, I spend some time outside exercising, which you don't do," Justin began as Frieza seethed in embarrassment. "That's why Goku kicked your ass even after you went to your maximum power, because you are lazy. You are lazy; you need to watch Nickelodeon where they have those animals that tell you about having a good diet and exercising. Man, they know their shit. I lost about .4 pounds thanks to those helpful sonsa-bitches. I think clay really teaches you stuff-"

Frieza growled, getting annoyed with the latest entry in a long series called Justin's trademark rants about nothing. "Shut up, you imbecile!"

"Or...?"

"Or I'll get Dodoria to kill you with his stomach."

Dodoria, who was sitting in the audience between an uncomfortable Jeice and an even more uncomfortable Guldo, spat out his corndogs.

"SON OF A BITCH!" Dodoria's mustard-coated lips parted only slightly to speak. "I'm trying to break a record here! 30 more minutes, and I'll have consumed roughly 200 corndogs, 40 cokes, and 407 donuts!"

Everyone stared at Dodoria for as long as they could, which is about as long as the average person could stare directly into the noonday sun. GODDANG AKIRA TORIYAMA then spoke up.

"If I may interject, the reason that Frieza's and everybody else's transformations take as much time as they do is because I only write 15 or 20 pages that the creators of the show have to stretch into a 22 minute episode, so a bunch of filler is added in by the creators." He shrugged. "If I had my way, each episode would only be 11 minutes long."

"Well, then you should have sued them to get your way!" Frieza retorted. "Or, you should have hired very large minions to throttle them until they did what you wanted, then, after they did, KILLED THEM! HA HA HA!" It was Frieza's turn to lounge. "Life is good when you're a dictator who rules half of the universe and doesn't have to do a damn thing!"

"Yeah, but you're suing the guy who created you, dipshit." Justin stated. "Okay, has the jury reached-"

"Not guilty," the Cell Juniors simultaneously concluded without going into the decision-making room.

"Then Frieza's punishment will be-"

"Nipple cutting?" One Cell Junior suggested.

"No he doesn't have nip- OOWWWWW!"

Frieza slapped Justin in his sun-burned face, then fled out of the courtroom in his flying pod gadget as Justin curled into the fetal position and cried.

"Sorry about your skin, but I must go. Doody calls!" Joked GODDANG AKIRA TORIYAMA.

"O... okay. Case... closed..." Justin managed.

"Would you like me to rub ice on you?" Cell, who you'll notice was too lazy to go after Frieza without being told, asked.

"What the hell? No!"

THE END!


	20. Frieza VS AKIRA BLOODY TORIYAMA AGAIN

**Disclaimer: I don't own Dragonball Z. Or anything like that. I'm poor. All I have with me in my little box is my computer and the corner where I piss in. Thanks for the reviews, they keep me warm at night.**

**LIKE A VIRGIN PMED CASE IDEAS FOR THE VERY FIRST TIME. THANK YOU.  
**

_(Today's Case: Frieza and AKIRA BLOODY TORIYAMA are at it again. This time, Frieza is suing AKIRA BLOODY TORIYAMA for not giving him any discernable gender. Based off of an idea by Radiza-Saiyajin-Goddes, only instead of "gay", I made it "hermaphrodite." Thanks again, Radiza!_

_Plaintiff: Frieza_

_Defendant: AKIRA BLOODY TORIYAMA)_

"All rise for the guy who set a world record in ridiculous skin color!" Cell smirked, basking in schadenfreude.

Justin walked in. His sunburn still lingered, and he still had to struggle to get to his podium and sit down.

Cell smiled as innocently as possible. "Has your sunburn got any better?"

"No, but I'm suing that SPF 50 bullshit in a separate court for my injuries." Justin spoke through gritted teeth. "I'm lucky that I didn't get skin cancer."

"What about the place where Frieza slapped you?"

"Son of a bitch, I couldn't even lay on that side of my face last night to sleep." Justin broke into one of his trademark pointless rants. "Oh, what I wouldn't give to destroy that guy with the fullest extent of the law! I bet that little coward bitch won't even sue someone else for fear of me using the book to crush him like the shit-rolling dung-beetle he is."

"Well, today's your lucky day! Frieza is suing AKIRA BLOODY TORIYAMA for making him a hermaphrodite."

"YES! That little bastard is about to have his nose right between the asscheeks of JUSTICE!" Justin punched his fist into his open hand, only to wince slightly in pain. "And what's even better is that it will be right in front of AKIRA BLOODY TORIYAMA! It's revenge time, SEND THEM BOTH IN!"

Frieza and AKIRA BLOODY TORIYAMA walked in and sat in their respective places. AKIRA BLOODY TORIYAMA still had a luxury condo, only it had a couple more rooms added to it.

"Hope you enjoyed the pool and sauna I worked hard on, because I get nightmares just looking at them." Justin stated.

"Hey, I put those there!" Cell barked.

"Hush, Cell, I'm getting a kick out of my current state of affairs." Justin turned to his left. "Okay, Frieza, since I am forced to give you a fair trial out of fear of getting blasted, present your weak case."

"I am having identity issues because of my prick creator!" Frieza yapped, pointing his thumb over to the defendant. "He gave me no gender, and with none, there's no way I can really tell what side I'm supposed to be on!"

"But you're always called a 'he' in the series."

"DO I LOOK LIKE A 'HE' TO YOU?" Frieza bellowed. "I'm naked here, you know, and no one notices!"

A collective gasp erupted in the courtroom.

"For God's sake, cover your shame; you're in a family-oriented courtroom!" said Justin.

"Hey, I've always-" started Frieza.

"Bailiff, get him a pair of jeans and a shirt, immediately!"

"Sir, uh, I'm not wearing clothes either, so I don't think he should." Cell said, staring at the ground.

Yet another large gasp is heard in the courtroom.

"Bailiff, when you get Frieza his pair of pants and shirt, I want you to leave this courtroom and don't come back until you have a Bailiff uniform! There are children in this room!" Justin pointed at Krillin as an example.

Cell went to... wherever the court keeps clothes at, and fetched a shirt and pants for Frieza. Then he left.

"I'm not sure if I should be wearing this or a dress!" Frieza whined.

"Uh, girls wear pants and shirts too, sometimes," stated Justin.

"Grr!" Frieza crossed his arms as he walked to the bathroom. "I'll be right back."

Frieza left and came back with only the shirt on.

"That is not going to cut it!" Justin snapped.

"I CAN'T WEAR PANTS BECAUSE I HAVE A _TAIL, _YOU STUPID ASSHOLE CASSEROLE!" exploded the overly-frustrated tyrant.

"Great, just great." Justin waved it off. "Oh, whatever, just get back to your desk and sit down so we don't see anything offensive."

"I DON'T HAVE ANYTHING "OFFENSIVE" TO SHOW, YOU DUMBASS! MY TAIL AND MY GENDER AND MY AGITATED SCREAMING CAN ALL BE PINNED ON AKIRA BLOODY TORIYAMA!"

Justin stared blankly at Frieza for a while, then he turned his head to the right. "AKIRA BLOODY TORIYAMA, what is your defense?"

"I created Frieza the way that he is, and if he don't like it, that's too bad." The man smiled. "By the way, I like the pool."

Justin jabbed his fist into the air. "Awesome, I knew you would. So, has the jury reached a verdict?"

"We find the defendant... GUILTY!" They spoke simultaneously, increasing the stunning drama.

An unbelievably large gasp rings out of the entire court.

"Well, AKIRA BLOODY TORIYAMA," Justin said in a chilled tone, "as much as I disagree with the jury's decision, I'm afraid that I must sentence you to... WRITING A NEW SERIES OF DRAGONBALL Z!"

"Okay, whatever, only if I get to take this condo home with me." AKIRA BLOODY TORIYAMA bargained.

"Sounds fine. Case closed," Justin concluded with a bang of his gavel.

"By the way, WE'RE NAKED TOO!" Yelled the triumphant Cell Juniors.

Another great big throaty gasp happened throughout the courtroom. Goku fainted.

"That man is overgasped! Gohan and Goten, get your dad out of here!"

Gohan and Goten scurried out of the court with Goku.

"You Cell Juniors will have clothes on next time! Is there anyone ELSE who is running around naked?"

"I AM!" exclaimed Raditz and his monster dangle.

"OH GOD!"

Another gasp. Another faint, this time Krillin. Android 18 and Marron hauled him away.

THE END!


	21. Sailor Moon Cast VS Dragonball Z Cast

**Disclaimer: Dragonball Z, nor Sailor Moon, are my property. But if they were, I'd sue anybody who puts them in a crossover.**

**CASE IDEAS IN PM FORMAT: BETTER THAN PORK GRAVY IN A CAN. THANK YOU.**

_(Today's Case: Sailor Moon and her gaggle of idiot valley girl superheroes is suing Goku and his gaggle of screaming ninnies for taking away the long, drawn-out transformations that Sailor Moon is famous for._

_Plaintiff: Idiot Valley Girls_

_Defendant: Screaming Ninnies)_

"All rise for the... uh..." Cell stopped to thing for a second, then snapped his fingers, accidentally causing some planet somewhere to explode in the process. "All rise for the reason that you guys are rising right now! Yeah!"

Justin entered the courtroom and got behind the podium.

"Hey, nice suit," Justin smiled at the angry android.

"Hey, piss off," Cell snapped. "My wings and little tail thing in my back are sprouting out, I look absolutely ri-goddamn-diculous."

Justin merely rolled his eyes. "Alright, today's case IS...?"

"Well, today we've got Sailor Moon's Valley Girls suing Dragonball Z's Screaming Ninnies for plagiarizing the long, boring, ridiculous transformation scenes that Sailor Moon made HUGE."

"Oh, God, this is how low we've gone?" Justin put a hand on his forehead. "That's something that you shouldn't even want to be known for! Well, at least we can get a little entertainment in it. Send the teams in!"

With that, Cell grabbed a microphone that had slowly lowered from the ceiling above his head and the announcing began.

"Okay, the first team introduced today is the opposing team who has just come out of their long retirement, or cancellation if you want to be a dick about it, and are going to do battle with our defending team today! Please give a warm 'GO TO HELL' to," Cell pointed dramatically at the door, "...the Idiot Valley Girls!"

The Idiot Valley Girls, consisting of Sailor Moon, Sailor Mercury, Sailor Mars, Sailor Jupiter, and Sailor Penis... or Venus, shit, it's been a long time since I watched the show, I have no clue. In fact, when this is over, I might go watch an episode on YouTube out of boredom, if they have one, the bastards. Anyway, yeah, they came in.

"Lovely football jerseys, ladies," Cell deadpanned.

Sailor Penus... Venis... whatever, responded, "What? We're not wearing football jerseys, we're wearing strings we sowed together at the last minute with plastic makeshift knitting needles."

"Uh, I think he was being sarcastic."

"Oopey-doop!" responded Moon, the leader girl. "Sarcasm evades us, because we is dumb... dumb as hell."

Cell's eyes narrowed. "...Okay, then, moving on. The defending team is a team you all know and love, and they need no introduction! But we're giving them one anyway, because we have some time to kill! Please welcome this team with a warm "howdy do", it's the screaming ninnies!"

The Screaming Ninnies, consisting of Goku, Vegeta, Trunks, Gohan, and Krillin, because it's hilarious seeing a midget in a football jersey, ran out and faced the Idiot Valley Girls on the opposite side of the courtroom.

Justin stood up. "Here's how this is going to work: you guys will have a court case football match style, and I'll commentate! Of course, since I have no goddamn idea how football actually works, this won't make sense in the least bit!"

Goku gaped at the judge. "You mean, we get to tackle them?"

"Goku..." Breast-Father AKA Chi-Chi's menacing growl made its home in Goku's spine.

"Sorry, Breast-Father!"

"Kakarot, do you honestly care about what your wife thinks?" Vegeta growled.

"The only reason you say that is because Bulma is in a nursing home!"

Justin sat back down, bored with the entire situation. "Alright, you know what? If you guys are too damn nervous, then let's just not bother. I don't know exactly what happens in football, nor do I care to know, and you guys are a bunch of huge wusses. Just have a boring, normal case, and get to your desks."

The opposing teams went to their desks. Actually, Trunks and the Sailor Scouts were the only ones that go to their desks, the other four dudes just sort of stared at the Sailor Scouts.

**"...Go to your desks!"**

Goku slowly turned to half-acknowledge the judge. "...What?"

"Ugh! Just get out of the courtroom!"

"Uh, I'm sorry, I wasn't listening," Gohan mumbled.

"For the love of God, there's a massive puddle of drool where you're standing, don't you **realize that?**"

"Who?" Vegeta mumbled as well.

Finally, Breast-Father, Videl, and Android 18 grabbed Goku, Gohan and Krillin and pulled them out of the courtroom by their ears in anime fashion. Android 18 also grabbed Vegeta.

Trunks hit his own chest. "Well, I guess it's up to me then!"

Justin rolled his eyes at Trunks, then proceeded. "Okay, we all know the case and we know that DBZ came before Sailor Moon by about three years. So, Dragonball Z obviously didn't copy jack."

"Wait, we have a lawyer and stuff!" Sailor Mars protested.

"Fine. Who is it? Hyperchicken?"

"Nope, it's the one and only-" Moon began.

Justin interrupted. "Oh, no, not that goddamned-"

The voice of a terminal dumbass was heard throughout the room. "Tuxedo Mask!"

Tuxedo Mask jumped out of God knows where, probably out of someone's ass, and threw a rose at Trunks' desk, piercing it... somehow.

"I, Tuxedo Mask, vow to-"

Justin flew into a rage. "Look what you did to my desk, you asshole!"

"The Sailor Scouts-"

"Do you have **any way of imagining** how much money that cost? **Do you, you retarded motherfucker?**"

Sailor Moon's turn to be interrupted. "Hey, don't, like, insult him like-"

"Dragonball Z is innocent, and just because you invited Tuxedo Mask here, I'm having Cell kill all six of you!"

"Hey, we can-" Tuxedo Mask tried again.

"I'll give you a five second head start," grinned Cell, charging his death beam.

After the five-second headstarts, where they didn't do shit, Cell used death beams from his fingers to murder all six of them.

"Well, a little bloody, but it got the job done," shrugged Justin. "Case closed. Cell, clean this up."

"Ugh, damn it."

"Oh, and if you get ANY of Tuxedo Mask's blood on you... you're fired."

Trunks whined, "I can't believe I have BLOOD all over my cute purple jacket!"

THE END!


	22. Nameks VS AKIRA GODMASTER TORIYAMA

**Disclaimer: Dragonball Z is not something a kid with ripped Converse and a room with an unseeable floor would own. I don't own it. Disclaimers are teh suck.**

**CASE IDEAS, GET YOUR RED HOT CASE IDEAS HERE! PM FORMAT ONLY, GET YOUR CASE IDEAS! THANK YOU!  
**

_(Today's Case: The namek race, represented by Dende, is suing AKIRA GODMASTER TORIYAMA for making them all asexual hippies led by a fatass dying old man. Give a big round of e-applause to The Forgotten Lord for this idea._

_Plaintiff: Nameks_

_Defendant: AKIRA GODMASTER TORIYAMA)_

"All rise for the only human being alive who had to be saved from the top of the tree by a fireman," Cell announced.

Justin walked into court and plopped down on his recliner behind the podium whatsit.

"Ahh... this chair is awesome! Man, I'm glad our budget's getting so big."

"We don't get a budget, I had to rob a bank to even pay off this courtroom's bills, and then you took the extra money and bought a bunch of shit we don't need."

Justin sat up slightly. "Hey, we NEED a PS2 around this place after court, so we can take the load off."

"Why didn't you buy a newer gaming system anyway?"

Justin sighed, already having his annoyance quota for the day filled. "The 360 is a boring system, the PS3 is a pile of shit, and the Wii... well, do _you _feel like waving your arms around haphazardly like a drunken jackass after dealing with a bunch of DBZ crybabies?"

"No, I suppose not. But-"

"Hold that thought for after the case. Speaking of which, who's suing who today?"

"Today, we have the Namekian race suing AKIRA GODMASTER TORIYAMA for, and I quote, 'Making them genderless hippies led by Guru.'"

Justin ineffectually struck the podium in righteous anger. "AKIRA GODMASTER TORIYAMA in my courtroom again? Come on, the novelty is starting to wear off!" Justin's face brightened. "Hey, maybe he's finished the new series, so it's not all bad. Send them in."

AKIRA GODMASTER TORIYAMA and Dende walked into the court and sat at their places. Instead of a condo, AKIRA GODMASTER TORIYAMA got a bag of leftover bank money to sit inside.

"Comfy," he smiled.

"Quite so. Okay, Dende, present the case."

Dende's whining commenced. "AKIRA GODMASTER TORIYAMA made us to look like idiotic tree-hugging flower idiots, and he gave us a massive dying blob of a leader to give us guidance! Come on, man, he didn't even give us a gender-"

AKIRA GODMASTER TORIYAMA intervened. "You're male. I didn't make any females because, honestly, I didn't want a bunch of weird green alien on green alien fanfiction. But, yeah, all nameks are male."

"What about our leader, and what about the hippie part?"

Justin's turn to be defensive. "Dude, you aren't hippies, you're …uh… well, you can't be hippies if there isn't really …uh…"

"You don't have technology!" AKIRA GODMASTER TORIYAMA continued, "Hippies hate technology and government because they think it's the end of nature, trees and all that shit! Nameks don't even have a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out! And as for Guru, well, we needed to advance the plot somehow!"

**"That's not good enough!"** Dende screamed. "Now I get the hippie part, but why the **hell** did you give us a dying man to lead us? **Do you understand the emotional trauma I carried away from that?**"

"Whoa, dude, keep it down!" Justin said, banging the gavel.

Dende curled up into a ball, sucking his thumb and crying very loudly.

"Okay… let's end this case before I start throwing things at him."

"We find the defendant not guilty," announced the Cell Juniors.

Justin nodded in approval. "Dende, I sentence you to live in the insane asylum with Piccolo. Get him out of here."

Cell flew to the insane asylum, carrying Dende.

Justin turned his attention to the accused. "Hey, AKIRA GODMASTER TORIYAMA, do you have that new series of DBZ ready yet?"

"Yep, took a lot of cocaine though."

"Wonderful! Let's watch it!"

The Cell Juniors left and brought back a big-screen TV out of the closet, along with a DVD player. AKIRA GODMASTER TORIYAMA handed Justin the DVD, and the adventure began!

"**Dragonball ZZ!**

By: **Akira Toriyama**

Characters:

_Goku_

_Frieza_

_Krillin_

All played by Akira… with **_action figures_**."

"Frieza," the absurdly voiced Goku action figure began, "you have returned from the HFIL and killed Krillin! For this you must die!"

"Ha! Ha!" the forced laugh of Frieza echoed. "You will never defeat me!"

**So the epic battle began! **Kicks and punches were thrown one every 10 seconds, and there were even energy blast FX, consisting of painted toilet paper and a sound effect that sounds like a very wet fart, all made by Akira Toriyama!

"Dang you, Goku! I guess I'll have to POWER UP!"

Akira Toriyama howled like a fool for over a minute to give the impression that Frieza Action Figure was powering up, and the fight continued! Goku Action Figure started losing, oh noes! **But wait!**

"That's it! I'm powering up to **super duper saiyan!**"

Akira took about 45 minutes to paint Goku Action Figures' hair and make it stand up by breaking it off and gluing it together, stuck up higher. Goku Action Figure punched Frieza Action Figure, and he immediately died. Then all of Goku Action Figure's hair fell off, which means he powered down.

"I guess I'll have to use these conveniently placed Dragonballs to revive my lost buddy Krillin." the Goku action figure had its hands raised. "Mirror mirror on the wall, Krillin come back!"

Akira Toriyama grabbed a Krillin Action Figure and placed him in front of Goku.

"You saved me!"

**THE POWER IS YOURS!**

THE END

A thunderous round of applause erupted from the courtroom. Akira stood from the money bag and took a bow.

"That was the best story yet!" cried Justin. "Akira, please honor me by taking that money with you!"

"You'll see the DVD in stores next month.

"I'll take 8! **Case awesomely closed!**"

THE END!


	23. Raditz VS Herbal Essence

**Disclaimer: Dragonball Z is property of not me.**

**WELCOME TO ANOTHER ADDITION OF: WHEN CASE IDEAS ATTACK... IN PM FORMAT ONLY. THANK YOU.  
**

_(Today's Case: Raditz, the man who died in shame, is suing the Herbal Essence company for having crappy shampoo. This idea, again, came out of the mind of The Forgotten Lord. TEN MORE E-CREDITS TO YOU, GOOD SIR!_

_Plaintiff: Raditz_

_Defendant: Herbal Essence)_

Cell ordered the court, "All rise for the guy who sucks at everything except his job and video games!"

Justin walked into the always-crowded court and sat safely behind the podium.

"Hey, I can also play guitar, man!" Justin whined. "I can play like a player!"

"Well, judge, it's not like I follow you around and see what you are good and not good at," Cell replied, face sour. "I'm trying my best, give me a fucking break."

"Quit being such a jackass and present today's case, Cell."

"Well, we have Raditz suing the Herbal Essense company for bad shampoo," Cell read off blandly, using a piece of paper that is sewed together from fly corpses. "Which is ironic, because he looks like he never bathes."

"Raditz?" Justin asked, hand on his chin, full of thought. "No, doesn't ring a bell to me."

"The weak bitch that everyone forgot about right after he died..."

"Oh, now I remember! Raditz, of course! Send them in. I hope that guy has clothes on this time. I don't need to accept any more monster dangle in my life."

Raditz and the Herbal Essence President, abbreviated to HEP, walked in and sat in their assigned desks.

"Hey, only the Herbal Essence dude walked in!" Justin protested. "Where's that other guy?"

"I'm over here!" Raditz shouted.

"**I don't see you!**"

"The desk, dickweed. I am sitting at the desk."

Justin's eyes narrowed, finally spotting him at the plaintiff's desk. "Oh, yeah, there you are. Stay right there, don't fucking move at all and present your case."

"Well, Your Honor," began the plaintiff, "I tried some of that Herbal Essence shampoo, and not only did it not work, I got absolutely no urge whatsoever for herbal! I just got an urge to toss this bottle at some old lady, and I went to prison 20 seconds for it! Luckily, I used my amazing saiyan powers to bust out and kill the guards! I may have even slept with one of the female guards. I don't remember because I'm so **awesome**!"

Justin's eyes nearly rolled out of his skull from Raditz's sheer retardicity. Is that a word? Whatever, I don't care. "No you didn't, the old lady probably laughed at you, the cops probably shot you, and the guard you attempted to rape probably maced you. Don't gloat about something you could never hope to accomplish, Mr. Weakest Villain In Dragonball Z." Justin's face suddenly faulted. "Hey, where'd you go?"

"Still at the desk, you dumb jerk."

"Oh, I'm sorry. You're just invisible to me, because you don't fucking matter."

"Shut up!"

The defendant, President of Herbal Essence, stood. "Look, our shampoo works well with some, and with others the hair comes out looking all spiky like yours did."

"My hair is **supposed** to look like this!"

The defendant did a spit-take. "Holy shit. Are you serious? Look, our shampoo is meant for people who want nice, smooth hair. Not goofy looking carnival worker hair like yours."

"**That is not an excuse!** You need to make your shampoo better suited to people like me! Not everyone wants to look like the girl on the box!"

"Look, you idiot, there is shampoo that'll work better for you out there, but my shampoo isn't meant for punks, okay?"

Justin stepped in. "Hey, herbal guy, why are you arguing with yourself?"

"Uh, I'm arguing with the plaintiff."

"Where'd he go?"

"**I'm still at the fucking desk!**"

"Well, it's not my fault that you're the most easily forgotten character ever created," the judge observed. "Hell, more people remember Kuwi."

"Who the hell is Kuwi?" asked Cell. "Some kind of an exotic fruit?"

"Exactly." Justin looked over to the plaintiff. "Okay, Raditz, it's obvious that you've been out-argued on every conceivable level. What are you going to do to humiliate yourself in public now?"

"**I'm going to explode the whole goddamned courtroom!**" Raditz declared, charging a wussy-looking laser beam. "**Birdie attack!**"

Justin smirked. "Cell, you know what to do. Please do it before the DBZ court gets a big scary mosquito bite."

Cell went over to the hapless plaintiff and petted him on the head. He promptly fainted and shat on himself.

"Don't kill him, man, we won't have anyone to laugh at or hit. Jury, give your verdict before I forget where he is again."

"We find the defendant not guilty," they simultaneously declared.

"Okay, then Raditz's punishment will be to attempt to become important! Cell, throw him outside..." Justin gasped. "He escaped!"

"No, he didn't. He's still laying at the desk."

"Ohh, there he is. Haul him out."

Cell threw Raditz outside and walked back over to his place.

"What were you carrying outside, anyway?" asked Justin.

"Raditz."

"Who?"

Cell groaned. "Never mind."

"Okay, that's fine with me." Justin banged the gavel. "Case closed... whatever it was."

THE END!


	24. Krillin VS Nappa

**Disclaimer: Dragonball Z? Me? Own it? Crap, boy, I was born AFTER the show was created!**

**Sorry for the gigantic delay, I've been doing some summer shit, but then I got bored, so I guess it's back to doing this! I'M SO EXCITED! Oh, yeah, this and all my other stories will no longer be in script format, because apparently, it's fricking illegal.**

**WITH A GREAT CASE IDEA COMES GREAT RESPONSIBILITY... TO NOT PUT IT INTO ANY FORMAT OTHER THAN PM. THANK YOU.  
**

_(Today's Case: Krillin is suing Nappa over a matter of some stolen skull wax. Another wonderful idea from The Forgotten Lord. Thanks loads._

_Plaintiff: Krillin_

_Defendant: Nappa)_

"All rise for my soon-to-be former boss!" proclaimed an excited Cell.

(A devastated, horribly saddened Justin sort of drug his feet over to the podium and planted a squat on his chair. Quit giggling, that is not how I meant it to sound at all.)

"I can't believe this shit, Cell. What do you want from me, a raise? Isn't twenty dollars a day even good enough for people anymore?" asks Justin.

Cell retorted, "It's not the pay, it's you coming to my house/cave drunk on the weekends at three in the morning and asking where the 'goddamn rent money' is! It's you throwing up on me when all I was trying to do was bring you nachos!"

"Okay, fine, I won't drink absinthe anymore. Just please don't freaking quit." Justin pleaded, doing that ridiculous puppy dog eye thing that only works on mentally handicapped people and Seto Kaiba in terrible fanfiction featuring his little brother.

"That, and the fact that I have to wear suits every time. I'm doing this and two more cases, then I'm out." Cell said, making the divorce- err, quitting final.

Justin, sighing in defeat, just responded, "...Just present the case, now. Traitor dickface."

"Today's case is Krillin suing Nappa because some skull wax went missing and Krillin is stupid enough to think a dead guy did it." Cell announced to the court, more bright eyed than he had in several weeks.

"Whatever. Send them in." Justin groaned.

(Krillin and Nappa walked in and... you know the drill. They sat down at their chairs, they did their respective things, I don't need to go into any more detail.)

"Krillin, give us your case." Justin ordered.

"Nappa came back from the dead just to steal my skull-" Krillin was then interrupted forcefully by Justin, who was in no mood whatsoever for stupid bullshit.

"You have hair already, you mindless turd, what do you even care?" Justin asked. "Look, are you planning on giving me a good reason to hear this case today or what?"

"Yes, your honor!"

"Then go for it!"

Krillin cleared his throat in an attempt to be taken more seriously before continuing. "It's the principle of the thing! We're the Z Warriors, stealing isn't cool to us."

"Speak for yourself!" Vegeta said to himself. "You have no idea where I got these clothes!"

"Since when did you guys start saving the world from skull wax thieves?" Justin asked Krillin.

"Since they learned that skull wax made a good lubricant." Nappa proclaimed, snickering at his own gay joke while Justin collapsed into a fit of laughter.

"Just what are you implying?" asked a slightly offended Krillin.

"I'm implying that the Z Warriors all like to hump each others chubby little butts!" Nappa announced loudly to the courtroom before bursting out into fits of giggles. "They also like to fiddle around with each others tiny little-"

"HEY! If I have to wear this ridiculous outfit, you should have to keep your language in check, you bastard!" Cell shouted at the much weaker saiyan.

The judge wiped tears from his eyes. "HAHAHA! Oh, man, that just cheered me up." said Justin, who was... cheered up.

"You're one to talk, Nappa, I caught you stroking it to that movie 'Mysterious Skin'" Vegeta shouted, standing up from his seat just behind Nappa.

The entire rooms gasped loudly in horror. Nappa just sort of sat back down, embarrassed and thoroughly deflated.

"Well, now that I'm disgusted completely, let's get back to the case." Justin banged his gavel for clarity. "Now, Krillin, you have absolutely no proof that Nappa stole your skull wax?" Justin, again, asked the useless Krillin.

"Besides Nappa's shiny head, I guess not." Krillin responded, sort of dejected.

"Okay, Jury, go make your decision."

The Jury left for the decision room and returned forty seconds later with a verdict.

"We, the Jury, find the defendant innocent, but really damn creepy."

"Can't argue with that logic." Justin said, "Krillin, for damages, I sentence you to life attempting to beat Superman 64."

"I'd rather DIE!" shouted Krillin, who was running because he forgot how to fly.

"Well, Cell, since you're BETRAYING ME, could you do me a favor and catch him, then make him carry out his sentence?"

Cell just shrugged and flew after Krillin. Justin spoke up before the court adjourned:

"Nappa, since you were jacking it to a rape and pedo movie, I'm sentencing you to having to fly up to the moon and back by yourself."

"Okay."

"With no TELEVISION!"

Nappa threw himself on the floor, kicking and screaming, while Vegeta drug him off and told him to stop being a baby. Nappa suddenly vanished before Vegeta could leave the court with him.

"Shit, I forgot, he was only back for a couple of hours. Oh well, case dismissed. May Nappa jack off in hell."

THE END!


	25. Michael Jackson VS North Kai

**Disclaimer: Okay, Dragonball Z is nothing that I own. All I have is my extensive collection of VHS tapes... in the basement.**

**EVERY TIME YOU PUT A CASE IDEA INTO A PM AND SEND IT TO ME, AN ANGEL GETS HIS WINGS. AND THEN I EAT SAID WINGS. THANK YOU.  
**

_(Today's Case: Michael Jackson is suing North Kai over a monkey. That's as in-depth as I am going to go. A big hearty "thank you" to Pyjamapants for this suggestion, and keep those coming in, we need 'em._

_Plaintiff: Michael Jackson_

_Defendant: North Kai)_

"All rise for the guy in the liberace wig." Cell commanded the people. No one stood.

Justin walked briskly into the court, in casual clothing, with his hair greasy and disheveled and his tennis shoes all kinds of fucked-up looking. After pausing briefly to check under said shoes, he sat down behind the podium.

"So, this is your last day?" Justin asked Cell.

"Yes. Have you gotten a new bailiff yet?" Cell inquired curiously. I love you, thesaurus.

"No, but I'll throw the offer out there after this case is over. Hopefully, I'll get someone who can also provide their own jury. What is today's case, by the way?"

"You won't like it very much, but Michael Jackson is suing North Kai, claiming that North Kai stole his monkey."

"Oh, great. I just got back from having nightmares about the 2005 winner of the World's Ugliest Dog contest (seriously, look that dog up, I swear you won't be disappointed. His name is Sam and he is literally the most frightening thing you may ever see in real life), now I have to see M.J. in person. Send them both in."

Michael Jackson, who was wearing a kid's size bathrobe and nothing else under it, and North Kai, wearing a halo and his usual attire, walked into the court. Some people left. Gotta keep their sanity, after all.

"Well, now that my eyeballs are trying desperately to turn themselves around to face the inside of my skull, let's get started, shall we?" Justin said dryly. "What's this about, Jackson?"

"He stole my monkey! I was watching the show with some kids at my house and I saw my little monkey playing with North Kai." Jackson accused, pointing his chalky finger at North Kai, who only pointed his not-as-chalky middle finger upwards in response.

"My fucking medulla oblongata just detonated." Justin complained, gripping his forehead. "North Kai, how do you respond to this?"

North Kai cleared his throat. "I respond in this manner: Michael, you bleach-faced plastic feces roll, you understand nothing! For me to steal your monkey I would have had to travel dimensions, sneak into your house, and travel back! It's impossible to do that, so stick it in your fudgepipe, you snurd-nurgling nincompoop son of a mime!" North Kai ranted.

"He has a valid point, Jackson. In fact, I don't see how in the world this case got through our standards. I guess they're slipping." Justin said, thoughtfully.

"We don't have standards, sir." Cell informed Justin.

"Oh, that's right, we don't. Okay, then. Jackson, do you have any evidence that doesn't point to your obvious addiction to hallucinogens?" Justin asked Jackson sarcastically.

"Yes... wait, what?" Jackson said. Then asked. Then pulled out a parrot in a cage from under the desk.

"A PARROT? You skin-flake nitwitted dunce, you can't just use a bird as a witness because they are animals! Besides, you can easily train those things! You fail again, you half-polar bear devolved witless turnip green horse radish DUMBASS!" North Kai freaked out yet again.

"**SHUT THE FUCK UP, MEANIE, YOU'RE SCARING PAULIE!" **Jackson bellowed out in a deep, demonic voice that sounded highly unnatural coming from him. "Go on, Paulie, say it." Jackson ordered the obviously frightened bird.

"SQUAWK! I want to die! SQUAWK! Kai stole! SQUAWK!" the parrot shrieked. The whole court stood silent, shocked, at the realization that Michael Jackson was it: the embodiment of craziness. He was truly the Antichrist of rational thought. Finally, Justin banged his gavel just to remind himself that he still existed in this mad world.

"Please, Jury, make a quick deci-" Justin started to say, wearily.

"NOT GUILTY! PUT MJ IN A CAGE!" they screamed simultaneously.

"Okay, Jackson, your punishment is to be shipped to a third world country." Justin declared with another bang of his gavel.

"IF YOU MAKE HIM GUILTY, I WILL GIVE YOU ONE MMMMILLION DOLLARS!" Jackson hollered out in desperation, sounding remarkably like a game show host. A game show host of a show called "WHO WANTS TO BE A PSYCHOTIC LUNATIC?"

"...No. I fell for that bribery horseshit once from somebody else. Cell, here's your last order from your former boss: Haul his pasty ass to Iran, let those guys deal with him."

Cell saluted Justin's final order and grabbed up Jackson by the back of his neck, as though he were a dog, hauling him away into the sunset. The twelve Cell Jrs. also saluted Justin as they followed their "father."

"It was sure good working with those guys." Justin said, while waving. "Well, court is adjourned, next time I'm going to get a new bailiff and jury."

**THE END!**

**Oh, yeah, and I'd just like to make it cleat that I already know who's going to be the new bailiff and I know who the jury is going to be. So no suggestions for that, but keep those pm case ideas coming in, cause I know you guys can come up with some good shit if you try.**

**RIP MICHAEL JACKSON**


	26. Goten VS Goku

**Disclaimer: Dragonball Z isn't any property of mine.**

**Thanks again for the reviews. I got some nice positive feedback from last chapter, including some nice case ideas. If you've given me a case idea and you don't see it immediately, don't have a heart attack. Remember, a lot of the case ideas are my own, and yours, the good ones anyway, are just thrown onto the list I have. So, thanks for the case ideas, they are much appreciated. Now, on with the chapter.**

**OLD MCDONALD HAD A FARM EIEIO AND ON THAT FARM HE HAD A CASE IDEA EIEIO WITH A "SEND ME IN PM FORMAT" HERE AND A- OH, YOU GET THE REST. THANK YOU.  
**

_(Today's Case: Goten is suing his father for abandoning him for seven full years. With ChiChi. Goku seriously needs to be hit in the face for doing that to the poor boy._

_Plaintiff: Goten_

_Defendant: Goku)_

Despite having no bailiff to announce his not-so-awaited arrival, Justin walked into the court and sat down, blah blah blah, you know the drill.

"Okay, I have to pick a new bailiff and jury today," Justin announced to the courtroom. "So, who's the bailiff going to be?"

For a small while, nobody raised their hand because they've been watching how Justin behaved with Perfect Cell. Finally, a hand raised up out of the crowd.

"Android 18? You want to be the bailiff?" Justin asked with amazement.

"Yeah, so?" Android 18 asked back.

"Well, it's not that it's bad or anything, I just figured you'd want Krillin to be the one to work instead of yourself."

"He is working, but I have to get a job now that Roshi has started charging extra rent over when the girls and I sued him."

"Did you try telling him that this court doesn't charge any fees?"

"He doesn't even remember how to spell 'fee,' sir."

"Okay, good, you're hired. Now, I've already decided on a jury. I've decided that, instead of having to pay 12 people minimum wage, we can get 3 people and charge THEM minimum wage! He he he! Oolong, Puar, and Chiaotzu, you're all hired!" Justin said, in a rather congratulatory voice.

"But, we didn't apply!" Chiaotzu complained.

"Listen, this could be your chance! These cases are put on the internet and hundreds of tens of people read this! You could be superstars! Autographs, sunglasses, your own luxury condo, imagine it! Suddenly, people remember you guys!"

"Really?" Oolong asked, stars emblazened in his piggy eyes.

"Yes, now the three of you get up here, we need to get this case started!"

Oolong, Puar, and Chiaotzu all walked into the jury booth, now with three comfy armchairs instead of twelve shitty chairs.

"Those armchairs cost a shit-ton, so, Puar, no sharpening of your claws. Oolong, no eating on the chairs. And don't start applying make-up on them, Chiaotzu." Justin instructed. "Okay, I have the case of the day in my hand. Today, Goten is suing Goku for leaving him with nobody but ChiChi, aka Breast-Father. And I say: About damn time, because Breast-Father is a mean bitch. Ha. Okay, enough of my lame humor. Send the plaintiff and defendant in."

Goten and Goku walked in and sat on opposite sides of the courtroom.

"Okay, Goten, tell us what the problem is." ordered Justin.

"Don't you already know?" asked 18.

"Yes, but it helps to get things started when you ask the plaintiff what the deal is." explained Justin. "Alright, you may speak, Goten."

"Dad left me with my mother! MY MOTHER! That's like taking your cow to a man that kills them!" Goten bitterly spat. Ew.

"Yes, it sort of is. Goku, give us your response." Justin told... you know, right?

"Goten, listen. The reason I left you with your mother is because, if I'd have stayed here to protect you, you wouldn't have grown up to be HALF as strong as you are now! You became a Super Saiyan at age 7 because of your mother!" Goku told his son.

"But I spent seven years not seeing you!" Goten protested.

"Yes, and you can know spend another ten years KNOWING me!" Goku remarked.

"Well, you- uh... mom, what else do I say?" Goten asked, turning toward the audience.

"What? Hey, Goten, what's going on?" Justin shouted at the small saiyan.

"Uh, mom was the one who wanted me to sue daddy. She tells me it's for money, or something. I'll get a toy if I do it right!" Goten said, excited.

An angry Breast-Father walked out of the crowd.

"Goten, you weren't supposed to TELL HIM!" Breast-Father barked at her little son.

"I'm sorry, mom!" Goten whimpered.

"You know what? This case is now voided, since this little bit of information has been brought to my attention. Jury, looks like you'll just have to wait until next case to actually do your duty. Breast Father, for this waste of the court's time I'm sentencing you to go to the same nursing home as Bulma." Justin declared.

"Does that mean I get to drag her there?" 18 asked.

"Yes, it certainly does."

18 smirked at Breast Father. "I think I'm going to like this job," 18 thought out loud as she dragged a VERY LOUD ANNOYING AND SCREAMING WOMAN out of court.

"Case dismissed, I'm going to go play some Grand Theft Auto: Vice City!"

**THIS IS THE END, MY ONLY FRIEND! THE END!  
**


	27. Trunks VS Cell

**Disclaimer: Dragonball Z is not mine, but who cares? It might as well be mine, because I might actually fucking do something with it. Oh, whatever.**

**GIVING NED THE JANITOR A CASE IDEA THAT ISN'T IN PM FORMAT IS LIKE SHOVING A TAMPON UP YOUR ASS. THANK YOU.  
**

_(Today's Case: Trunks is suing Cell for stealing his time machine. Like he doesn't have 10,000 more already in some storage facility in upper-wherever the fuck in DBZ land._

_Plaintiff: Trunks_

_Defendant: Cell)_

"All rise for... whatever." Android 18 said, already bored with the various non-duties of her new job. Or maybe because her new tan bailiff outfit clashes with her eyes. Whatever.

Justin walked into the very un-jazzed courtroom, making his way into the podium whatchamacallit.

"Great job at announcing my appearance, Little Miss Enthusiasm." Justin sneered as he sat down.

"I'm not going to be some sycophant for you just because I'm your bailiff. I have some shred of dignity left." 18 told him shrewishly.

"Well, now that everyone in the court is half asleep, let's get on to the matter at hand." said Justin. "Do you have today's case?"

"Yeah, right here." 18 held up a piece of paper that was actually clean for once. "Trunks is suing... oh, shit..."

"Who is this 'Oh Shit' person, Miss 18?" Justin asked sarcastically. "I don't think there is a character of that name in this universe."

"Trunks is suing Perfect Cell for stealing his time machine. Having now said that, I'm out of here. I have to go do Android things."

Android 18 flew for the exit, hoping she could make it out before Cell arrived.

"Oh, no, you don't! You have a job to do, 18!" Justin shouted after her.

18 stopped right in front of the door. "There's no way I'm getting absorbed by that freak. Nope. It's not happening." Android 18 told him.

"Relax, it's Perfect Cell! He has no interest in absorbing you!" Justin called out as 18 opened the doors. "Motherfucker's tail is shoved up his wings, for God's sake!"

18 slammed the doors shut and floated back to her post in a huff. "Fine. But if he absorbs me, I'll kill you the minute I bust out."

"He better not absorb me!" Chiaotzu declared.

"I'm too handsome to die!" said a frightened Oolong.

"Same thing, but put furry where handsome is!" said Puar.

"Fair enough, all of you. Send them in!"

Trunks and a pretty irritated Cell walked into the court and sat down in their desks.

"I can't believe I'm going through this shit right now." Cell muttered.

"How has life been treating you since you left?" Justin asked casually.

"Oh, it'll be great if I can get out of here soon enough to catch my plane to Sao Paulo, Brazil." Cell said.

"YOU'RE GOING TO JAIL!" Trunks roared at Cell.

"Trunks, shut up. You're yelling way louder than necessary." Cell said impatiently.

"YOUR MOM I'M SHOUTING TOO LOUD!"

"Well, your mom's in a nursing home. She's probably having a lemon party right now."

"WAAAAHHHH!" Trunks whined.

"How did you like the SexyBack room, Trunks?" Justin mockingly asked.

"...I DIDN'T LIKE IT TOO MUCH AT ALL, TO BE HONEST WITH YOU, MY GOOD SIR!" Trunks bellowed.

"Stop shouting, you loud retard." 18 ordered him.

"I'M NOT SHOUTING!" Trunks protested.

"Eh, to be fair, we made the SexyBack room pretty loud. It probably screwed up his hearing." Justin said. "Okay, Trunks, say your case."

"THANK YOU! CELL STOLE MY TIME MACHINE, I DEMAND FROM HIM AN APOLOGY AND ONE PLATE OF RICE KRISPIE TREATS!" Trunks screeched.

"Okay, no need for you to have to speak up until the end of the case, thank you. Cell, your turn."

"Technically, I didn't steal it. Imperfect Cell stole it. So there." Cell said.

"Yeah, but you are just the evolved form of that creature. You should still have a similar mind to him, only smarter."

"Justin, you know me. You know that I, Perfect Cell, have no use for Trunks' time machine. Now, let's end this case, before my flight takes off." Cell said hurriedly.

"Wait a second! Trunks, you don't even have a time machine! It was Mirai Trunks who had a time machine." Justin realized, looking accusingly down at the plaintiff.

"...SHIT!" Trunks shouted. With that, the boy from the future made a beeline for the door only to be subdued by none other than ex-Bailiff Cell.

"18, it's your job to catch them when they do that!" Justin said.

"Trunks is stronger than I am at this moment, you idiot!" 18 snapped back in protest.

"No he isn't, he lost all of his Super Saiyan powers when he became a World of Warcraft playing geek." Justin turned to his left. "Okay, jury, what say you?"

"Not guilty!" Puar said.

"He isn't guilty." Chiaotzu said.

"Guilty!" Oolong declared.

"Oolong, you idiot, were you even listening the entire time?" Puar asked angrily.

"I'm scared of him!" Oolong whimpered.

"Okay, Trunks, I sentence you to the Fergalicious room for three days. HAVE FUN!" Cell promptly threw Trunks into the white room, closing the door behind him.

"Case closed!" Justin banged his gavel to dismiss the court. "Cell, you go and have fun at Sao Paulo, I'm going to go home and watch the news! I sure hope a plane doesn't crash! BAHBYE!"

THE END!


	28. Gohan Buu VS Goku and Vegeta

**Disclaimer: Dragonball Z isn't my property. However, sometimes I do wonder to myself who lives on Dragonball Z, because it sounds like one expensive piece of real estate.**

**SEND ALL YOUR QUESADILLAS TO ME IN PM FORMAT! OOPS, DID I SAY QUESADILLA? I MEANT CASE IDEA! I MUST BE HUNGRY! THANK YOU.  
**

_(Today's Case: Gohan Buu is suing Goku and Vegeta over doing surgery on him without being surgeons. Hey, keep in mind that it's Buu, okay? Not a sane human being, or not a human being at all, come to think of it._

_Plaintiff: Gohan Buu_

_Defendants: Goku and Vegeta)_

"All rise for that... kid that pays me." Android 18 said, uninterested.

Justin walked into the courtroom and sat on the podium chair, yet again dissatisfied with 18's attitude.

"Hey, another great job!" Justin smarted off to 18. "What, did you just improvise that or is all of your material rehearsed in advance?"

"Look, Cell may have been your stupid puppet, but to me, you're just some guy who pays me to kick people's asses." said 18.

"Well, so far, your weak ass hasn't done anything like that except with Breast Father several cases ago."

"I'd like to see you try to take down anyone here, with your power level being all of 5."

"You know I can fire you, right?"

"No one else would want this job."

Justin snapped his fingers. "Touche. You win this round. So, what's today's case?"

"Gohan Buu has been brought back to life by Baba so he can sue Goku and Vegeta for, according to this paper, 'unnauthorized surgery.'"

"Man, I knew I shouldn't have made that deal with Hell." Justin pouted.

"What deal?" asked 18.

"I gave them a million zenie if they would allow a person to be brought back for two hours if they had a case for this court."

"Where in the hell did you get a million zenie?"

"One million zenie in this world equals a dollar in American currency."

"So you... you're RICH?" 18 asked, astonished.

"No, I never have any dollars. But enough about my financial situation, send the people in."

Gohan Buu and Vegeta, representing both Goku and himself as defendant, walked into the court and over to the desks at the front of the room.

"Welcome," the judge greeted. "Now, what's the problem with you lot?"

"Vegeta and Goku could have very well killed me when they went into my body to get their friends out of me!" Gohan Buu impotently complained. "Do you know how fragile my system of organs is?"

"I have no idea, to be honest. All I know is that you're made of bubble gum or something." said Justin. "Or the stuff inside of Stretch Armstrong dolls."

"No, it's not that simple! You see, my system is a very complex one, it runs..."

Gohan Buu blabbed on for about 10 minutes, managing to put one half of the audience to sleep and the other half into a near coma. Finally, he got finished after stretching every minute he spent talking as if it were one of his own limbs.

"...and that is where babies come from. Machines." Gohan Buu finished.

"Okay, are you done?" asked Justin.

"...Four million years-"

"Vegeta, it's you're turn to yap. Please, try to keep it short." Justin requested.

"He's full of shit. That's all I'm going to say since he wasted so much time." Vegeta said stubbornly.

"Vegeta, you have to give some kind of logical counter to Gohan Buu's accusations. Or at least explain why Buu is full of shit so that I can reach a more reliable verdict."

"Fine. Buu is full of shit because I say he is. And because he eats a lot."

"Vegeta, please don't make this diffi-"

"FINE, YOU FUCKFACE! HE'S FULL OF SHIT BECAUSE HE DESTROYED THE ENTIRE WORLD, ABSORBED MY SON AND SEVERAL OTHERS, TURNED INTO AN EVIL CHILD AND DECIMATED SEVERAL OTHER PLANETS AND BROUGHT US MORE HELL THAN ANY OTHER VILLAIN WE'VE EVER FOUGHT, AND HE'S BITCHING ABOUT SURGERY!" Vegeta roared, pointing a shaky finger at Gohan Buu before turning to face him. "BUU, YOU CAN REGENERATE LOST ORGANS AND BODY PARTS ANYWAY, SO YOU HAVE NO REASON TO BITCH ABOUT ANYTHING!"

"What is it with most of the men in this series being loud as hell?" Justin asked 18.

"They have insane testosterone from fighting so much. I know this, because Krillin screamed a lot when we were on our honeymoon making Marron." 18 said, accidentally revealing more about her personal life than she should ever have allowed Justin to know.

"Well, I won't need any porn tapes tonight. Anyway, Buu, Vegeta has a point. You can just regenerate anything you lose, right?" Justin asked.

"But it's haaard! It makes we want to go poopy!" Buu whined.

"Well, then. Jury, what do you vote?" Justin asked.

"Vegeta is not guilty!" Oolong concluded. The other two nodded in agreement.

"Very well. Gohan Buu, since I can't do anything to you on earth, I'm sentencing you to losing your daily candy bar privileges for a week." sentenced Justin, banging his gavel.

"NOOOOOOO!" Gohan Buu yelled, falling to his knees as he faded away to go back to Hell.

Justin stood up and said, "Case closed, I'm going to put the lotion on my skin before I give myself the hose again. See you jerks next case."

**THE END**


	29. Blood Doners VS Dr Gero

**Disclaimer: Dragonball Z may have been the sole reason for my existence when I was 10, but I escaped that and now I can, with confidence, say that I do not own Dragonball Z.**

**I. HAVE RETURNED. TO CLAIM MY TITLE. AS THE MOST RETARDED HUMAN WRITER. THIS SIDE OF TARA GILESBIE. AMEN.**

**WHEN YOU PRICK ME, DO I NOT BLEED? WHEN YOU PUNCH ME, DO I NOT BRUISE? WHEN YOU SEND ME A CASE REQUEST IN SOMETHING OTHER THAN A PERSONAL MESSAGE, DO I NOT CRY? THANK YOU.  
**

_(Today's Case: The volunteer blood doners of Japan are suing Dr. Gero for taking blood from various people to create Cell and not hitting them up for some._

_Plaintiff: Blood doners_

_Defendant: Dr. Gero)_

"All rise." deadpanned Android 18 while Justin walked to the podium.

"That's it? Just 'all rise?' No ridiculously dumb Amanda show-quality one liner to open up with? How do you think everyone gets pumped up for the case?" Justin asked in a flabbergasted manner after sitting his ass down.

"Don't we go over this bullshit every day, Judge?" 18 asked, annoyed.

"Yeah, but this time might be different."

"Whatever." Android 18 sneered back.

"Good point. Today's case is...?"

"A bunch of volunteer blood doners are pissed at Gero because he used superhuman blood to make Cell instead of using theirs."

"Well... that's unusual to say the least. But then again, this isn't Judge Judy. Send the whiny asses in."

A bunch of emaciated half-people and Dr. Gero walked in and sat down at the appropriate tables.

"Wow, other than the fact that he has a beard, Dr. Gero looks just like the blood doners." Justin said, adjusting his rad glasses to get a better picture of the plaintiffs.

"Actually, I was a blood doner once. When I first had sex with your mother, she gave me a disease that caused me to ejaculate blood in the place of semen, and since I had your mother repeatedly, I donated quite a lot of my blood to her." Gero cracked wise.

"Wow, that time you spent in hell gave you quite a tongue, didn't it? Okay, we'll get to you later." Justin said, getting ready to talk to the blood doners.

"Was it the same way that your daddy got to your mother to produce the little water-headed faggot I'm talking to right now?" Gero quizically asked.

"Gero, I'm being real easy on you by letting you say that shit. I'm in a generous mood today, but one more wise ass retort and I'm ending the case early and punishing you. Oh, and, no use of the word 'faggot' in this courtroom, because I don't want to get sued by Vegeta for offending him."

"Hey, FUCK YOU!" Vegeta stood up and screamed.

"See what I mean?" Justin said. "No thanks, Vegeta, find someone else. Like Nappa. Okay, blood doners, let's hear your arguments."

One of the doners shakily stood up to speak for his group, causing both of his legs to pop loudly and abundantly, and spoke in a barely-audible whisper.

"Well, your honor, Dr. Gero is doing my organization of donors a great dishonor by not letting us give our blood for his scientific studies. We, in return, request a written or typed apology and a Playstation 3 with low weight controllers. Thank you, sir." The donor sat back down.

"What? I didn't catch any of that, it sounded like Droopy talking to me from the bottom of a well." Justin said, extending an ear towards the direction of the donors.

"Don't bother, everything each one of them ever says and ever will say is useless." said Gero. "May I begin?"

"Uh, fine." Justin said nonchalantly, placing his hand on his chin.

"Okay. Well, first off, my scientific study involved creating a being of immense power using the cells of superhuman warriors from several planets including earth, so any non-retarded person can see, quite plainly, that using the blood of a bunch of zombified ghouls such as the people to my right would be totally worthless. Secondly, fuck all of you. The end." Gero sat down to a stunned silence.

"Alright then. I guess both parties have presented their arguments. Jury, make your decisions."

Puar, Oolong, and Chiaotzu wrote down their respective verdicts on a piece of paper to the Jeopardy third round music. Soon, they all had their cards raised for Justin to examine.

"Alright, I see Puar and Chiaotzu think that Gero is guilty, and Oolong wrote down the number 10." Justin observed. "Way to go, champ."

"What the hell? Oolong!" Puar shouted.

"Wait, so this isn't a wet t-shirt contest?" Oolong asked dumbly.

"No." Justin responded. "Why do you two find Gero guilty?"

"Because he created Cell in the first place, almost causing the destruction of the world." said Puar.

"Plus, he's a fag." said Chiaotzu. "Sorry, Vegeta."

"FUCK YOU ALL!" Vegeta said, before throwing his chair through the hole AKIRA THE FUCK TORIYAMA left in the ceiling and storming out.

"He's probably off to whack off about Goku." Justin said, ignoring Goku's shriek of terror. "Alright, Gero, I sentence you to go to the church in hell so you can learn not to talk smack in unnecessary situations."

"NOOOO!" Gero bellowed, being carried off by Android 18. "YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME, BIIIIITCH!"

"Well, case closed, I'm off to fuck Gero's mom. SEE YALL LATER, BOYEEEEEZZZZ!" Justin yelled directly into your ear.

THE END


	30. Broly VS Goku

**Disclaimer: Do I own Dragonball Z? Let's check Wikipedia! Hmm... no, apparently not, but according to the page, a Mr. Fartsworth McPoopington the 14th does.**

**IF THE PERSON WHOM YOU SING TO CAN'T PROVIDE A CASE IDEA IN A PERSONAL MESSAGE, YOU ARE ENTITLED TO THEIR DEBIT CARD AND PIN NUMBER. THANK YOU.  
**

_(Today's Case: A Super Saiyan on steroids is suing Goku, the Ramen-guy hunter, for making him crazy by causing him to cry when he was very young. Mad props to mah boy The King SSJ5 for this pleasing idea, and thanks to the reviewers that are constantly sending ideas, both good and bad._

_Plaintiff: Broly_

_Defendant: Goku)_

Android 18 read from a paper that Justin gave her that morning. "All rise for... oh, you do NOT expect me to read this! No way!"

Justin stalked, enraged, to the podium and sat down angrily. By that, I mean that his ass hit that podium like Brock Samson shredding some bee-suit guy's face with his fist of pure adrenaline and radnessicity.

"18, you will read that properly, or you will be fired!" barked the judge.

"You're already sitting down."

"Oh, you're crafty. Very sneaky, you got me." Justin waggled his finger at her. "Until tomorrow..."

"I can hardly wait," drawled 18.

"Me neither. Give me today's case, I have some chicken grease on my face that my clothes aren't allowed to touch."

"Ewww."

After Justin turned the paper with today's case into a wet and potentially radioactive ball of what was once matter, he asked 18 the following question.

"So, what emo-ridden wrist-cut fest do I have to report to the high school counselor today?"

"What?"

"Today's case?" Justin asked, rolling his eyes.

"I'm not going to touch that piece of paper."

Justin lost his patience. "WHAT IS THE CASE FOR TODAY?"

"Broly is suing Goku for causing his psychosis."

"Oh, well, alright. Now that wasn't so hard, was it?"

Justin then beckoned Broly and Goku into the courtroom, ignoring 18's inevitably snide response to Justin's snide question. Broly and Goku went to stand at their respective desks.

"Okay, Broly, give me your explanation for your standing at the desk you are standing at right this second," the judge ordered.

Broly stood up on his desk and began barking and howling for no discernible reason.

"Okay, I think you may have misunderstood the question, what I- HEEEY! HEYY! NOOO! DON'T DO THAT!"

But it was too late; Broly had already squeezed a positively record-breaking link onto his court-appointed table. Vomiting occurred en masse in the courtroom immediately after, mostly from Broly himself, and Justin isn't sure whether to laugh his ass off or fly more off the handle than one human being should take. Then the smell hit.

"AAAAAAAARRRGHGHGHGHGHGH!" Justin screamed in horror. "OHHHHH MY, GODDD! AAAAHHHHHH! 18, EVACUATE EVERYONE FROM THE- **OH, MY GOD!"**

Android 18's nose had fallen off in her machinery's desperate attempts to keep her smell-sensing circuits from frying like an egg during a particularly effective strip-tease and rock and roll combination show. 18 was somehow totally unaware of this.

"What do you want me to do?" she asked, oblivious to the rank horror around her.

"Uhhh... I forgot..." Justin became woozy and fainted. The whole courtroom was emptied out at this point, with the ceiling totally gone because everyone had flown through it.

18 began thinking to herself. "Well, 'holy shit' has never been a more appropriate phrase than now has it... goddamn, was that a bad pun. Oh, fuck it. It's time to get out of here."

So Android 18 flew through the ceiling carrying the unconscious judge over her shoulder. As she traveled through the air, she noticed a good-sized lake obscured by some trees to her right. 18 decided she would stop there to splash some water on Justin's face.

"I wonder if he'd bounce if I dropped him from real high in the air..." Fortunately, 18 was too distracted by the thought of it to actually carry it out, so she ended up making a safe landing near the body of water.

"Okay, what should I do first?" she wondered aloud. "Dunk his head into the water? No, too much contact. Put my hands into the water and then flick it on him like a Catholic priest? Hrmmm..." However, 18's thought process immediately froze up like a gay guy shaking hands with Ann Coulter when she stared down at the lake into her reflection and saw that she now looked like a more refined Majin Buu.

"no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no"

Android 18 stumbled and flew away from the lake, still repeating the same word over and over and over and over and over (do you get the picture?) until she made her way to the scene of the filthy crime, the courtroom, which was painted a new shade of brown thanks to Broly ramming himself into the walls repeatedly. Over the roofless courtroom, a helicopter sent by the armed forces (which, in the DBZ universe, is ruled over by a fucking moustached cat) hovered over, with troops in gas masks hanging down from ropes to get in the now-quarantined building. Android 18, seeing a way out, rocketed herself into the helicopter and diced her own body apart in holy suicide.

And as what was left of her dropped to the ground with the ruined helicopter, the half of 18's head that carried her mouth was still uttering the same simple word; no no no no no no no no no

TO BE CONTINUED


	31. Master Roshi VS Elder Kai

**Disclaimer: Dragonball Z? So last year, oh my gosh. I'd NEVAR own ANYTHING so positively LAME and OUT-OF-STYLE!**

**HEY, YOU GOT YOUR CASE IDEAS IN MY PM FORMAT! YOU GOT YOUR PM FORMAT IN MY CASE IDEAS! MMM, DELICIOUS! THANK YOU.  
**

"AAAAHHHHH!"

Justin sprung up from his slumped-over position in the podium, his loud scream sending a shock through the tense, silent courtroom.

"About time you got your ass up." Android 18 said with frustration.

"18? I-I thought you-" Justin started.

"No, whatever you're thinking."

"I... I must have dreamed it." Justin stammered, with his head beginning to hurt from, what he thought at least, the sudden shift in stress.

"Well, whatever it was, you've been asleep for about an hour. It was right when you were supposed to tell the jury to go make their decision."

"So, you've just been waiting around this whole time for me to wake up?"

"No, I took over. The case just ended with Goku being declared not guilty and Broly being forced to clean up the shit he took on his desk halfway through the case. Ugh."

"Hmm..."

"What?"

"Nothing, just... nothing. Okay, I guess we can all clear out... right?"

"No, you have to rule on one court case a day. I've read your contract."

"Shit, well, I haven't. Okay, well, send those two back in and we'll re-do the case."

"No, it's over. You have to do the next one on the list."

Justin grabbed his forehead, which was covered in sweat, and groaned like a pregnant lady trying to give birth with a sowed-shut vagina.

"FUCK! Well, fine, what's the next case?" Justin whined.

"Master Roshi is suing Elder Kai for a case of stolen identity." 18 read off of a new sheet of paper.

"Fine, whatever. Just let them in."

Master Roshi and Elder Kai took their cue to walk gingerly to their desks while mumbling about their backs, not to mention taking time to stare at the chest of every last female cast member in the audience.

"HEY!" Pan shouted as she saw Elder Kai's drooling face draw ever closer to hers, eyes fixated on the treasure chest that rested below her neck. And, yes readers, I realize she's only about 10.

"Well, hello dere, youngin'." Elder Kai croaked lecherously, breathing five millenium's worth of morning breath into her face and letting a small drop of saliva escape from his mouth and onto her lap. Just as she got ready to scream, Android 18 grabbed Elder Kai by the nap of his neck like a puppy and carries him like this all the way to his place at the defendant's desk. Which turned out to be a bad idea, since she had to slap Elder Kai's wrinkled, veiny and loose-skinned hand away from her chest at least three times. In between each slap, she had to listen to Elder Kai bark about how women in his time would have done a naked cartwheel and a handstand while touching themselves sensuously for even a SMALL CHANCE of meeting his greatness. 18 finally got the old man into his desk.

"Well, that was a lovely display of old-time etiquitte." Justin said, hand now resting on his chin.

"Well, thank you, sonny!" Elder Kai said, unable to detect the large dose of sarcasm he was just injected with, because he was too busy detecting 18's breasts with his eyes.

"Right-o. Let's get started. Master Roshi-"

"YES?"

"-what seems to be the problem?"

"WELL, I'M VERY GLAD YOU ASKED, JUDGE!" Master Roshi began. "YOU SEE, ELDER KAI IS A BIG, FAT THIEF WHO-"

"Stole your identity. I know, so don't talk again." Justin then got some earplugs and turned to Elder Kai. "Okay, your turn."

"Eeehhehehe..." Elder Kai was still staring creepily at 18, who was beginning to get very freaked out in her own right.

"Okay... Roshi, I see what- oh, COME ON!" Justin sighed in frustration as he saw that Roshi had also taken to oogling 18's "prized possessions."

"Justin..." 18 started through clenched teeth.

"You want me to end this case?"

"How the FUCK did you guess?" 18 remarked with sarcasm while keeping her teeth clenched and trying to be as quiet as possible, as if she believed Roshi and Elder Kai were two massive grizzly bears.

"Okay, jury, what's the verdict on this goddamn mess?"

Puar stood up and spoke.

"On behalf of the whole jury, we find Elder Kai not guilty, because he existed thousands of years before Roshi, so he could not have known about Roshi's similar identity."

"HEY!" Oolong bitched. "I didn't get to vote!"

"Tough shit, pig. Puar is right." Justin told him sharply.

"IWANNAIWANNAIWANNA!" Oolong screeched childishly while Chiaotzu and Puar hung their heads in shame.

"Okay, fine, make it quick." Justin sighed in defeat and weariness.

"Uh, I think 18 is sexy too!" Oolong said shakily and then joined Roshi and Elder Kai in staring at 18 like a retarded homeless man with eyes filled with the lustful souls of rapists past. Before long, Oolong also had to do like Puar and Chiaotzu, so he HUNG his HEAD, if you know what I mean.

"Okay... Chiaotzu, anything?"

"I agree with Puar." Chiaotzu said, hiding his face with embarrassment.

"Okay, then. Since neither of you are really guilty of anything, let's just hang bells around both of your necks so both women and men know you're up and about and call it a day." Justin banged his gavel as 18, nearly terrifyed at this point, managed to get bells around both of their necks without being groped, not from a lack of trying on either Kai's or Roshi's part.

"Case dismissed, I'm going to go play bass. See you lot next week!"

THE END!


	32. DBZ VS AKIRA RIGHTEOUSNESS TORIYAMA

**Disclaimer: It's not mine, but one of these days... no, it's pretty much hopeless, actually. Oh, well, good thing the series is dead, anyway. HAHAHAAA!**

**CASE IDEAS- OH, FUCK IT, YOU GET THE POINT. THANK YOU.  
**

_(Today's Case: The entire cast of Dragonball Z is filing a suit against Mr. AKIRA RIGHTEOUSNESS TORIYAMA himself for giving the cast such silly names. Honestly, what the hell do they expect from this other than ridicule? Big can of my thanks to z-nadka-zak for the positively superb idea full of rainbows and unicorn farts._

_Plaintiff: Dragonball Z_

_Defendant: AKIRA RIGHTEOUSNESS TORIYAMA)_

"All rise for Mr. Adolf Hitler himself." 18 boredly announced to the courtroom something she had made up off of the top of her head.

Justin walked into the courtroom and planted himself into his comfy chair behind the podium.

"You flatter me, you know that, 18?" Justin let loose with his unpatented brand of sarcasm that he likes to call "verbal piss."

"I try my hardest." 18 matched his rather limited wit with some patented irony of her own, as this fanfic starts to sound like the hit single of some hapless modern pop "emo" band because of all the shame-inducing attempts at sarcasm.

"What's today's little unwanted fetus that I have to take my coathanger of justice to?" Justin asked.

"The entire cast of the show is suing... uh... it says here 'AKIRA RIGHTEOUSNESS TORIYAMA'. Is that right?"

"Yes, unfortunately." Justin replied, voice drenched in anger, before banging his closed fists against the podium with terrible frustration. "DAMN THESE PEOPLE! Don't they have ANY sense of respect or decency? It's enough to make a man sick, 18!"

"Actually, I'm siding with the plaintiffs." 18 said simply.

"WHAT? You TRAITOR! How could you think like this?"

"I'm with the plaintiffs because I'd like a normal fucking name for once, instead of a number. I want a nice name that describes who I am, and 'Android 18' sounds... just mechanical."

"But... you are about half mechanical, so it rather fits."

"SO?" 18 yelled, getting angrier. "What, just because some crazy old man in a bar put a bunch of circuitry and cogs into my body, doesn't mean that I'm not human!"

"Ugh, nag nag nag... Puar, Oolong, Chiaotzu, don't you guys side with me on this?"

Puar and Chiaotzu shook their heads to the judge while Oolong jumped up and down, frantically agreeing with Justin's side of the argument by waving his hands and barking his enthusiasm.

"Oolong, quit trying to kiss up to get a raise!" Puar shouted.

"I AM NOT..." Oolong trailed off. "but, boss, is there a chance that I can?" Oolong asked, hands clasped together to maximize the asking.

"'Fraid not, piggy. You're too fresh on the force, you need to prove your worth." Justin broke it to him gently.

"Awww... nevermind, I side with the plaintiffs." Oolong muttered, disappointed.

"Alright, send in the DBZ representative and AKIRA RIGHTEOUSNESS TORIYAMA and let's get this bullshit fascist case over with, shall we?" Justin said bitterly, head rested on one of his hands.

On Justin's cue, Breast-Father (formerly known as Chi-Chi) and AKIRA RIGHTEOUSNESS TORIYAMA walked through the double doors and sat at their respective podiums. AKIRA RIGHTEOUSNESS TORIYAMA, needless to say, got a chair and desk both paved with pure gold, with the chair being cushioned with the heavenly furs of a rare species of bear seen only in the deep ocean. Breast-Father's desk is just a stack of old junk consisting of garbage and dry dog doo-dah with a tiny board placed on the top, and a big fat stick protruding from the ground for a chair.

"How am I supposed to sit down on THIS goddamn thing?" Breast-Father whined/screeched.

"Well, if there's any room LEFT in there, it's meant to go up your goddamn-" Justin began to snidely explain.

"Oh, it doesn't matter! I prefer to stand up!" Breast-Father growled, crossing her arms and sticking her nose up in the air so fast, she nearly hit someone.

"Say, aren't you supposed to be in a nursing home?" Justin inquired, half as curious as he sounded.

"I got released for good behavior." Breast-Father replied, again, sharply.

"I'm sure they did. Okay, Breast-Father, state your case."

"Judge, Mr. AKIRA RIGHTEOUSNESS TORIYAMA over here has given us all embarrassing names that we have to constantly live with! I mean, look at this English version of my name! And all the other characters being named after fruits and vegetables and instruments! It's chaos! I believe that we need a small compensation for these names with something, if not new names!" Breast-Father's nasally voice finished speaking these words after what felt like a bleeding eternity, and then she tried to sit down on the pole and ended up falling on the floor. Laughter ensued.

"Okay, Mr. AKIRA RIGHTEOUSNESS TORIYAMA, it's your turn." Justin groaned, still swabbing the spinal fluid from his ears after Breast-Father's little speech.

AKIRA RIGHTEOUSNESS TORIYAMA stood up from his wonderful chair. "Well, your honor, I guess their names are a bit silly, and I suppose I can't blame them for the anger, but I cannot change any of their names. It is contractually impossible." Then he sits back down.

"Okay, my good man. Jury, what's the 411 or whatever?" Justin asked the jury. All of them declared guilty.

Justin sighs. "Very well, Mr. AKIRA RIGHTEOUSNESS TORIYAMA. Your punishment is to write a better Dragonball GT and show it to the court within the next month. Cool?"

"Sounds like a challenge, but since I am AKIRA RIGHTEOUSNESS TORIYAMA, it's not a problem." He grinned.

"Excellent!" Justin slammed his gavel onto the gavel-slamming area. "Case dismissed, I'm going to surgically stick a bunch of food in my stomach and then sleep until the winter comes!"

**THE END!**


	33. Kid Buu VS Daikaioshin

**Disclaimer: Dragonball Z? What kind of sicko porno do you think I own? I don't swing with animals, man, I have a condition.**

**PMFORMATCASEIDEASTHANKYOU.  
**

_(Today's case: Kid Buu, also known as Fucking Annoying Buu (FAB), is suing the long-dead Daikaioshin for making him fat whenever he absorbed him. It didn't work with those McDonalds chicks, so let's see how well it works for our plaintiff._

_Plaintiff: Kid Buu_

_Defendant: Daikaioshin)_

"All rise for the oldest running joke in this courtroom." 18 announced to the court, prompting Justin to rush in and take his seat at the podium like a hyperactive squirrel on speed.

"Excellent intro." Justin congratulated the frowning 18. "Another 100 cases and you might be as good as Stephen Hawking!"

"The case today is-" 18 began.

"Did I ask what the case is?"

"I figured that I'd-"

"DID I ASK... what the case is?"

"No."

"Wait until I ask what it is."

An awkward silence followed for about 15 seconds. Finally, Justin slammed his gavel down, causing a foul odor to enter the courtroom thanks to Oolong and his jumpiness.

"Why haven't you told me the case yet?"

"You told me-"

"WHY HAVEN'T... you told me the case yet?"

18 sighed, resenting her dumb decision to take this degrading job, and just tried to stay neutral, having given up on logic altogether after three or four cases.

"I'm not sure." Android 18 stated simply.

"Well?" Justin said, impatient, arms crossed.

"What?"

"WHAT IS THE CASE?"

Furious, 18 ripped the case out of her pocket and slammed it down onto the podium. The force with which she slammed it causes the podium to explode into sawdust and toothpicks, the stuff it was made of to begin with.

"...Gee, that was unnecessary, 18."

"Look at the case."

Justin picked the case off the floor and looks it over.

"Okay, Kid Buu's suing Daikaioshin for causing him to have an obese body, is that correct?"

"If that's what that paper says, then yes, absolutely."

Justin sat back down on the chair, completely exposed (not that way) because of the podium now being a pile of scrap wood.

"Very well, send them in." Justin grumbled, missing his podium like a cat misses a dead goldfish.

The double doors opened. Kid Buu, accompanied by a lawyer, walked to the plaintiff desk while Daikaioshin, accompanied by the halo on his head, walked to the defendant's desk and, upon seeing it, mistook it for a cow and teared a chunk off to eat. Justin, the moral grand stander he is, took more issue with Kid Buu's lacking of a shirt.

"Kid Buu, put a shirt on." Justin said as soon as Kid Buu sat down.

"NO SHIRT!" Kid Buu screamed, beating his manly bubblegum chest and making noises that I can only describe as deaf people having sex while having a tooth ripped out of their gums with the nail-removing side of a rusty hammer. Have you ever seen Oldboy? Never mind.

"NO SHIT! Now, go and put a shirt on!"

"Your honor, he refuses to obey any order and there is no one that can make him." Kid Buu's lawyer spoke softly, fear of Kid Buu lining his voice.

"Like hell there isn't!" Justin, just because he was in a challenging mood today, pointed his finger at Kid Buu and his voice took the tone of a drill sergeant with roid rage. "You give me one reason why I should be scared of this pink-skinned half-evolved diapershitter, or I'm tossing this case out!"

The grotesque and inconceivable thing Kid Buu did to his lawyer to respond to Justin's challenge was so utterly reprehensible, downright horrifying, and devoid of any mercy or conscience that I cannot accurately describe it to you, because the very thought makes me want to curl up into a ball like those people at the end of Requiem for a Dream. After it was over, there was no more lawyer. In his place was a writhing mockery of a living thing that could do nothing but scream in terror as he drowned in a pool of his own tears and blood. The point was proven soundly.

"Jury..." Justin managed to utter as he attempted to rationalize what he just saw without his sanity collapsing and what remained of him trying to strangle himself in the hopes that the ensuing trauma from the ability to breathe being stripped from him would make him forget the last five minutes. The jury agreed that Daikaioshin was guilty, and Justin and the rest of the group stormed out of the courtroom as Kid Buu swooped onto the frightened Kai like a winged angel of suffering.

THE END... AFTER YOU READ THE FOLLOWING NOTE FROM THE AUTHOR:

Hey everyone, hope you enjoyed this chapter as well as the others that preceded it, because they are there. I just want to let you guys know that I will be taking a long break so I can revise my older material to get it out of script format, spellcheck it, and increase the length as I see fit. Don't be alarmed when early chapters disappear, I'm just taking them down to give them some serious editing. It will take me a while to do it, mainly because I am a lazy bastard who dives in and out of updating depending on mood, but I'm sure that both you readers and I will find the end result of my extreme makeovers very rewarding in the long run. Thank you.


	34. AKIRA MOTHERJAMMING TORIYAMA VS Toei

**Disclaimer: Dragonball Z be not mah property, see?**

**I'm back everyone, at least for a little while. Start coming up with them sweet ass case ideas. So I can have sex with them, and then cry for humping the air.**

**I'M BACK TO REMIND YOU THAT CASE IDEAS TASTE LIKE STRAWBERRY LOVE IN PM FORMAT. THANK YOU.  
**

_(Today's Case: AKIRA MOTHERJAMMING TORIYAMA, aka Jesus, is suing Toei Animation once and for all for thoir brutally retarded portrail of his classic. We all saw this coming. Thanks goes to jcogginsa for his/her idea. A million cookies for you, bud._

_Plaintiff: AKIRA MOTHERJAMMING TORIYAMA_

_Defendant: Toei Animation)_

"All rise for the fallen." Android 18 said to the bored court.

Justin came in through the snazzy-ass double-doors at the back to sit down at his sweet-looking new podium made from oak wood and cool.

"I hope you know just how much that cost the court, Judge." 18 growled.

"I hope you know just how little your next few paychecks will be, 18." Justin sneered at her.

"I'm going to build a DBZ character worker's union right next to your court, you prick."

"Mmkay."

"Yeah, 'mmkay,'" it was 18's turn to sneer, "you'll be singing a new tune when there are government dogs wedged so far up your ass you're nose turns cold."

The judge smiled. "What's today's case?"

18 angrily yet very, very lightly tossed a wadded up ball of paper at Justin, hitting him in the head. Justin just chuckled, got up and picked the case up off of the floor, unwadding it in the process.

"Okay... well, I can't seem to read the case for today under the death threats and sticky greenish-clear stuff that is obviously snot. Nice, 18. Very nice." Justin tossed the paper behind him. "Can you at least tell me what the case is, or do you remember it at all?"

"AKIRA MOTHERJAMMING TORIYAMA is suing Toei Animation for their mishandling of Dragonball GT." 18 told him.

"WOOHOO! It's about damn time AKIRA MOTHERJAMMING TORIYAMA got to be on the left side of the court." Justin raised his fist in triumph and infinite glory. "Send them in!"

AKIRA MOTHERJAMMING TORIYAMA and a retarded fellow representing the best and brightest of Toei Animation walked into court and got seated in their respective places. Except, the retarded Toei guy sat down on AKIRA MOTHERJAMMING TORIYAMA's lap. You gotta feel bad for the poor guy. He don't know no better.

"Get off his lap, you dumb cock!" Justin screamed, slamming his gavel onto the podium to scare him. It worked better than Justin could have imagined. The retard screamed a piercing scream and hid under his desk after running frantically over to it as fast as his over-sized 'tard legs could carry his cookie-drowned upper half. Basically, it took his slow ass about ten minutes.

"Alright, let's get this started." Justin rubbed his hands together with anticipation, or at least as much as he could muster after almost falling asleep waiting for the Toei guy to get to his desk. "Present your case, Mr. AKIRA MOTHERJAMMING TORIYAMA."

"Your Honor, Toei Animation ruined Dragonball. The end." AKIRA MOTHERJAMMING TORIYAMA responded concisely.

"Welp, that's a great argument. Mr. Toei, your response?"

The retard sat down on his chair backwards, facing the audience, and began to shout almost incomprehensibly.

"BABY IS A REALLY GOOD NAME FOR A BAD GUY! ANDROID 17 NEEDS TO BE ABLE TO ABSORB ENERGY! LET'S TURN GOKU BACK INTO A LITTLE KID! I LOVE TATER CHIPS! DEERRRHHHH!"

The retard then began chewing on his arm while a mysterious dark spot formed rapidly on the crotch of his sweatpants.

"...Okay. What did any of that have to do with what I asked you?" Justin asked slowly.

"Now, now..." AKIRA MOTHERJAMMING TORIYAMA held his artistic hand up to stop Justin's oncoming angry rant. "He is a handicapped fellow, be easy on him."

"You're right, sir. Thank you for stopping me." Justin turned back over to the retard, who began his nutty roaring once again.

"THERE SHOULD BE EVIL DRAGONS! PAN NEEDS TO CONTINUE TO EXIST BECAUSE SHE WAS SO GREAT AT THE END OF DRAGONBALL Z! VEGETA WOULD LOOK REALLY SEXY WITH A MUSTACHE AND AN ANNOYING DAUGHTER TO MATCH PAN! SUPER SAIYAN LEVEL 4 NEEDS TO MAKE YOU A FURRY! AND GUESS WHAT ELSE? I CAN SUCK MY OWN!"

With that declaration, the retard of Toei tore off his piss-drenched sweatpants and Blue's Clues thong off, revealing his undersized-

"Okay, Mr. Toei, I'm sorry but that's just not acceptable. 18, please escort him from the building." Justin ordered.

"What? No! Fu-"

"You want a paycheck at all?" Justin asked her sweetly.

"Fine." 18 groaned, cursing the day she was ever plugged in.

SO SHE DID TAKE HIM OUT. After the retard of Toei was escorted quietly out of the building (hahaha actually not quiet at all), Puar, Oolong, and Chiaotzu came to a quick decision of guilty.

"Okay, the retard gets no punishment. Case closed."

Justin tried to leave his seat, but the electric cannons build in the new podium blasted off, narrowly missing the judge.

"You have to give a punishment. This thing won't get you leave otherwise." 18 said with an amused grin.

"Fuck-weeds. Well, okay, no hugs for Mr. Toei CEO for a week. Let the company know, 18."

"Fine."

"CASE CLOSED!" Justin yelled out, bringing down the people's gavel. And, by people's, I mean one person's. You know whose it is.

THE END


	35. Android 15 VS Doctor Gero

**Disclaimer: Dragonball Z? There's no such thing as balls! How can I own things that do not exist? (oh god I am running out of hilarious disclaimers someone help)**

**LET ME GIVE YOU A QUICK VISUAL: CASE IDEAS IN PM FORMAT = THE BEATLES. CASE IDEAS IN REVIEWS = THE MONKEES. THANK YOU.  
**

_(Today's Case: A somewhat lower-level android takes up a case against his creator for causing the alcoholism that plagues him to this day. No, you didn't just walk into an angst-ridden Futurama fanfic. Even though I might write something like that someday, just for shits and giggles.  
_

_Plaintiff: Android 15._

_Defendant: Dr. Gero)_

()()()

"All rise for the fallen." Android 18 half-heartedly demanded of the terminally unhearted audience. (fuck you spell check that is a word do not try me i decide who lives and who dies you son of a cunt)

Justin walked with as much grace as he could muster (Read: A footless two-year-old with polio, imagine that as Justin) and plopped his neon-white toilet-dirtier on the seat behind the podium.

"You used that one yesterday, Ms. Originality," deadpanned Justin.

"Give me a raise and I might drag my pain out a little longer, got it?" 18 dully negotiated.

"What if I added another couple bucks for every time you didn't say something that bored me to tears?"

"That might work."

"'Kay, sweetcheeks, thanks for making your raise non-existent by virtue of your own overwhelming boring-ness." The blonde android growled in response. "Just wait until I get that building built..."

"What is the case for today, beautiful?" Justin grinned toothily.

18 fumed. "Don't call me that."

"Oh, have I offended you with my compliment?"

"Yes, you have offended my stomach by giving it nausea. Not to mention you'll piss Krillin off."

"What?" Justin burst out laughing. "I could take him with one arm ripped off and shoved up my ass!"

"It's true." Krillin said to himself in the back, hanging his head in shame. (Krillin sucks.)

18, tired of the banter, grabbed the case out of her pocket to give to Justin.

"Let's see…" Justin quietly read the case off of a piece of paper that had been thoroughly scrubbed and rinsed. "Android 15 vs. Dr. Gero for alcoholism! 18, do you know what this means?"

"What?"

"It means that I give EVEN LESS of a shit than I normally do! Send in the retards."

The retards in question, Android 15 and Dr. Gero, sat down in the plaintiff and defendant chairs respectively.

"Okay, 15, let's hear it." Justin said mid-yawn.

"Dawg, I'm an alcoholic." Android 15 said.

"...Go on..."

"It is not fun."

"Is that right?"

"Most certainly is. I blame the old guy."

"...So?"

"So I'm suing him."

"Obviously." Justin rolled his eyes. "So, is it because he kidnapped you and-"

"I wasn't ever a human!" 15 snapped. "Motherfucker, where do you live where you see a bunch of short purple-skinned niggas walkin' around? Because I'd like to live there!"

"Okay..." Justin looked to the right, trying to avoid eye contact with the short robot lest he begin roaring with laughter. "What say you, Gero?"

"Your honor, I say that Android 15 was modeled after a certain hilarious robot called Bender from a show called 'Futurama', so his circuits are fueled by alcohol." Gero explained. "You see, just because I'm an evil mastermind bent on killing an overpowered alien that destroyed my army of incompetent villains run by a self-conscious red-haired midget and one of the few black characters in the entire Dragonball series, doesn't mean I can't have a sense of humor."

"True. Well, 15, you can't be an alcoholic if you live off of it and it doesn't hurt you in any way." Justin said. "Otherwise, you may have just had a point."

"Boy, have you ever smelled a beer-fart?"

"...No. You are a robot. You can't have those."

"Oh..." 15 sighed. "I know. I'm a pathological liar. I have a lot of problems like that. I blame Gero sometimes. Other times, I blame the voices. I think I want to be a fruit."

"You can't have voices." Justin said. "You are a robot."

"DAMNIT! I CAN'T HAVE VOICES! I BLAME YOU, VOICES!"

"I believe his common sense circuits are running low." Gero told Justin. "He may need alcohol."

"I quit that shit, I'm going legit." 15 rapped unnecessarily, much to Gero's horror. "Haven't had a drink for two days."

"Sorry to say so, but he's fucked." Gero sighed.

"Hmm." Justin nodded in agreement. "Well, what do you say, Jury?"

"Not guilty." Puar said.

"Guilty," spoke Oolong.

"Not guilty." Chiaotzu agreed with Puar, shooting Oolong a dirty look.

"What makes you say he's guilty, Oolong?" Justin questioned, having low expectations regarding Oolong's explanation.

"He's a bad guy."

"Whatever. I sentence 15 to go to a few college parties and get so drunk on his fuel source he can say the alphabet backwards while winning the presidency of the United States, which is _in another universe_."

"TEMPTATION EVERYWHERE I GO, A DRUNKEN NATION MAKIN' ME SLOW!" 15 scream-rapped over and over as 18 hauled him out. Hauled may not be the right word. Maybe something more like "grabbed with thumb and forefinger and tossed uncaringly out the door."

"Case closed. I'm going to get rebuilt so I run off of weed and self-deprecation. See you next Kwanzaa, you bastards." Justin banged his gavel in dismissal.

THE END


	36. Goku VS AKIRA HOLYASSCRACKERS TORIYAMA

**Disclaimer: Dragonball Z has a hole just for it made in the Amigara Fault. Also, it does not belong to me.**

**EVERY TIME YOU SUBMIT A CASE REQUEST TO NED THE JANITOR THROUGH A PM, A PRISON RAPE ENDS IN HAPPY LIFELONG MARRIAGE. THANK YOU.  
**

_(Today's Case: Goku, upon learning what his name translates to in English, is suing AKIRA HOLYASSCRACKERS TORIYAMA for calling him a skinny orange vegetable. It was a slow day in fictional court cases, as you can tell._

_Plaintiff: Goku_

_Defendant: AKIRA HOLYASSCRACKERS TORIYAMA)_

"All rise for Gumby." Android 18 told a baffled audience that still stood up.

Contrary to what 18 said to the audience, it was a baffled Justin who came through the double doors and sat at the podium as opposed to the angular-headed green claymation dude that most people nowadays probably discover through Mystery Science Theater.

"Okay, 18, what the fuck?" Justin questioned his bailiff. "I mean, I know I've called you boring before, but that was a little bit more absurd than I bargained for."

"I lost a bet. Now I have to refer to everyone as Gumby for the whole day."

Justin snorted and shook his head at the bailiff's predicament. "That is a retarded thing to use in a bet."

"I know that! Don't blame me, blame Gumby, my husband."

Justin sighed, already impatient. "What's the case?"

"Well, Gumby, it looks like Gumby is suing Gumby for-"

"Give me the fucking piece of paper."

18 gave Gum- I mean, Justin, the case. Which was on a paper made of diamonds. For his consideration.

"GOKU? Suing his creater, AKIRA HOLYASSCRACKERS TORIYAMA, for a bad name?" Justin stood up deliberately, righteous indignation burning in his blue eyes like two World Trade Centers (that's right you mother fuckers i went there). "THIS-", Justin slapped the paper down onto the podium in front of him, "will not stand! Send the jerk and the defendant in!"

Goku and AKIRA HOLYASSCRACKERS TORIYAMA walked into the court and seated themselves at their respective desks, eyeing the wrathful judge as he turned to his left to look at Goku.

"Goku... how could you?" Justin asked gently to the narrow asshole who once was the savior of the universe. "You have been given power and glory by this man, and you turn it against him? For shame!"

"He named me Carrot, judge, Carrot!" Goku glared over at AKIRA HOLYASSCRACKERS TORIYAMA with as angry a look as he could possibly force. "I am not a carrot! I have arms and legs, my skin is white, I have bones and organs, I have a brain and a soul! Do you see carrots with halos all floating around in the afterlife, training under the Kais or causing carrot mischief in the HFIL? No! I rest my case, Your Honor!"

"How stupid of you. AKIRA HOLYASSCRACKERS TORIYAMA, your response?"

He shrugged. "It seemed like a good idea at the time."

Justin put his hand to his chin. "'It seemed like a good idea at the time...' Words of poetry, AKIRA HOLYASSCRACKERS TORIYAMA, I must say."

"Thanks. I have a phD, you know."

Justin gasped. "I don't even know what that IS and I almost shat my pants."

"Uh, Gumby..."

Justin rolled his eyes. "Yes, bailiff bet-loser?"

"You did shit your pants." 18 said, clutching her nose.

Justin craned his neck to look at the ass of his robe. Indeed, there was a brown stain noticeable under the cloth. "Bollocks! I guess I'll have to end this now before things get even shittier. What is your opinion, jury?"

"Not guilty," said Puar.

"Guilty," said Oolong.

"Guilty," said Chiaotzu.

Justin's face went red. "OOLONG! CHIAOTZU! What is going on here?"

"I'm not Oolong, I'm OoSHORT! I know how Goku feels! Besides, I've known Goku all my life, and only once did he ever try to eat me." Oolong began to tear up, his voice got quieter and he looked over to his friend. "What kind of friend would I be if I didn't stand beside him, Gumby?"

"That's JUSTIN, you pig cock! Besides, you are named after a tea in Japan! Just when I thought you couldn't get any more fucking stupid!" Justin ranted, clenching the gavel tight in his fist. Oolong whimpered. "Please don't beat me up!"

"I won't hit you with my gavel, that is way more effort than I am willing to expend for the likes of you. Still, I oughta fire you." Justin turned his wrath to the clown-looking fellow two seats down who also voted guilty. "Chiaotzu, explain yourself."

"I hate being a midget clown and mime hybrid," Chiaotzu shrugged. "You would be voting guilty too if you were a minor character who blew himself up for nothing

"...Okay, you get a free pass on that. Anyway, I sentence AKIRA HOLYASSCRACKERS TORIYAMA to have a Ferrari made out of 100 dollar bills delivered to my house by the end of the week, which is today."

"I'll have it there before nightfall." AKIRA HOLYASSCRACKERS TORIYAMA said casually over his shoulder as he left the court with at least a hundred bitches hanging off each arm.

"Hey, Gumby, he didn't say you could leave!" 18 called after him.

"Ssh, 18. He gets a pass."

"But, Gumby, you-"

"Sshh" Justin put his finger to his lips before turning to the courtroom and banging his gavel down hard. "CASE CLOSED! I'm going to go learn how to speak rape-nese! EVERYONE LEAVE!"

THE END


	37. C Red and A Black VS Each Other

**Disclaimer: Dargonbawlzee are not mines.**

**WHAT ARE CASE IDEAS IN PM FORMAT? A MISERABLE LITTLE PILE OF SECRETS! THANK YOU.  
**

_(Today's Case: Commander Red and Assistant Black of the Red Ribbon Army are somehow suing each other over work-force based discrimination. Therefore, there is no plaintiff and no defendant. There is simply Commander Red and Assistant Black._

_Plaintiff/Defendant: Commander Red_

_Plaintiff/Defendant: Assistant Black)_

"All rise for a carpet that does, in fact, match the drapes." Android 18 ordered to the court from a piece of paper that Justin gave her, giving a barely audible groan after doing so.

Justin walked into court much to the non-cheering of the crowd and sat at his seat in the front.

"So, 18, what's the deal-io?" Justin asked. "Why did you moan like a cow after announcing my arrival?"

"Because I had to fight every dignified part of my brain hard in order to choke that out, Judge." Android 18 barked back. "This list of stuff you gave me to say hurts me to even look at it."

"You'll have to get used to it in order to keep this job," Justin said sternly. "So, what's today's case?"

Android 18 pulled the other paper out and read it. "Apparently, Commander Red of the Red Ribbon Army and his old right hand man, Assistant Black, are both suing each other at the same time because they feel like both of them were discriminated against by the other. In short, this is going to be a convoluted mess, Judge."

"I see that," Justin said before rubbing his hands together and giggling, "but that's what makes this so potentially fun! Let 'em in!"

At Justin's words, the shrimp Red and the not-so-shrimp Black entered the courtroom. Upon entering, however, both of them aimed themselves right at the Plaintiff seat.

"This is my seat, you bastard!" exclaimed Red, barely beating black to the Plaintiff chair.

"Sir, I'm the plaintiff!" Black insisted as he shoved Red off of the seat and sat down. "I'm the one that filed suit first!"

"Yeah?" Red stood on the desk, an act that _almost _put him at eye level with Assistant Black, and slapped the other man in the face. "Well, I _THOUGHT _about filing suit first, you shit!"

"Okay, both of you chill out." 18 said, stepping in-between them as they wrestled each other to the ground. "No fighting in the court. Believe me, I've asked."

"Both of you are going to sit on the sexy-ass defendant's desk." Justin declared, banging his gavel. "Now get the fuck over there before I come over there and sit on it myself."

The two Red Ribboners narrowed their eyes and growled at each other the whole way to the desk where they were designated to sit. They sat, still growling, while the audience smugly reclined in their chairs knowing pretty much all of them could beat the shit out of those guys.

Justin smiled. "Okay, since Commander Red is the commander, albeit a commander that has nothing to command over anymore, I'll let him go first."

"Well, Your Honor," began Commander Red, "my diminutive height has made me into a walking punch line ever since I was in elementary school. I've always known there was something wrong with me, but I soldiered on (no pun intended) and became the leader of Dr. Gero's Red Ribbon Army. Unfortunately, even as a leader of such a powerful force, it still somehow always came back down to my height. And when I at long last had the power to end my humiliation, my most trusted man killed me. That is why I am here."

"Very good," the judge remarked. "Probably the most cohesive argument made for a case by anyone who ever came in this court. Now, Assistant Black, what is your response?"

Assistant Black stood up and cleared his throat, reaching with his left hand into his jacket pocket to reveal a neatly-folded letter to the court. As he unfolded it, the court was enraptured in this graceful tension that even Commander Red himself found that he was caught in. The suspense was such that it could choke one of weak stature and the silence so overpowering that every action Black took as he unfolded the paper could be heard throughout the entire crowded room. At last, he began to read:

"Commander Red knew while we were working for the Red Ribbon Army that I am of a below average IQ and he had known that since the first day on the job. He still called me stupid so often that for a while I thought that was my real name. Therefore, I have been work-force discriminated and this gives me carte-blanche to say that Commander Red is, in fact, a commie-ass faggot midget that a mouse could use as a buttplug and not feel anything. Fuck you. Ptooee. Thank you, Your Honor."

The room was silent for a brief moment, while Black's words began to seep into the minds of our courtroom denizens, and then a deafening roar of applause rocked the court. Every person in the court, hero or villain, was united in their common joy brought about from Assistant Black's speech, which will be heralded alongside JFK's inaugural speech, MLK's "I Have a Dream," and Lincoln's Gettysburg Address for the following centuries. It is only by the grace of God that there was a man in the courtroom meticulously recording everything everyone said, otherwise the world may have missed this monumental event that defines the word "touching."

"I'm not crying, 18," sniffed Justin, "I'm not crying at all…"

"Whatever," 18 drawled, having not been effected by the speech because she is a heartless robot. "What does the jury think?"

"Black." Oolong sniffed, Puar and Chiaotzu solemnly nodding with the pig.

"Then by the power invested in me by… me, I hereby sentence Commander Red to an eternity caged inside of a museum in hell so that all the tall ogres can laugh and throw peanuts at him." Justin stood up and banged his gavel immediately after ending the sentencing, and history itself was made while 18 carried the screaming Commander Red away.

**THE END**

**By the way, keep those requests comin' and thank you for all the reviews. All 100+ of them.**


	38. Spopovich and Yamu VS Babidi

**Disclaimer (sung to the tune of Don't Stand So Close to Me): DB… DBZ… does not belong to me.**

**CASE IDEAS WITH A LIGHT "SEND ONLY IN PM" SAUCE EQUALS A FUCKING GOOD TIME. THANK YOU.**

_(Today's case: Spopovich and Yamu are suing Babidi for not having proper work force regulations that include "Do not murder workers."_

_Plaintiff: Spopovich/Yamu_

_Defendant: Babidi)_

"All rise for…" 18 closely examined the paper that Justin handed her that morning, "blurgen weeetfe ogle ogle?"

The confused audience stood up regardless while a giggling Justin waltzed (literally) into the court room and pounced onto his chair like a cat.

"Sir… what the fuck?" questioned the bailiff as the blonde continued to giggle.

"Heh heh… I got you good, Android 18!" He exclaimed, laughing and pointing like a child.

"What are you talking about?"

"I just wrote a bunch of gibberish on that paper," Justin managed in-between giggle fits, "and you READ IT OUT LOUD! HAHA! Isn't that hilarious?"

18 balled the paper up and tossed it aside. "Yeah… great," 18 said in the most monotonal, mechanical voice she could muster from her partially mechanical vocal cords. "Do you want to know today's case or what?"

"What do you think?"

"Okay," 18 grabbed a folded piece of paper out of her pocket and opened it up. "Spopovich and Yamu, former contestants of the World Martial Arts Tournament, are suing their old boss Babidi for poor conduct on the job."

"I'll say!" Justin said, "Getting murdered is as poor as conduct gets! Send them all in."

The plaintiffs and very small defendant walked in and got to their desks. Of course, Babidi was just barely visible after sitting down at his desk, so as you can imagine, Justin was not aware that he was seated there.

"Where the hell is the defendant?" Justin asked angrily.

"Right here, you imbecile!" Babidi shouted piercingly back. Justin stood up in his podium and adjusted his glasses.

"Did that desk just talk to me, 18?"

"AAARGH!" Babidi screamed and flew up and onto his desk, giving Justin the old middle finger. "It's bad enough that my two idiot slaves got me called up here to do this, but now I have to deal with stupid height jokes! You suck!"

"Oh, there you are," Justin deadpanned. "Just stand on the desk while I talk to the plaintiffs, okay kid?"

"I AM NOT A-"

"So, Yamu, Spopovich," Justin said, turning to face them as he sat himself back down, "what's your case?"

"BRAAAAARGH!" Spopovich roared in a voice that is remarkably similar to that of Hulk Hogan's while, out of nowhere, really loud metal music started playing. "WELL, BROTHER, MY FUCKING NAME IS SPOPOVICH AND I AM HERE TO FUCKING TELL YOU THAT BABIDI, THAT GREEN SACK OF SHIT, KILLED BOTH OF US WHEN WE WERE WORKING FOR HIM SEVERAL FUCKING YEARS AGO AND WE WANT A LOT OF MONEY FOR THAT FUCKED UP SHIT! YEEEEAAAH!"

"Uh, right," Justin said quickly, before trying to turn the case over to Babidi, but alas-

"LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING BROTHER: GETTING BLOWN UP BY A DEFORMED MIDGET WAS NOT ON MY LIST OF THINGS TO DO THAT DAY!"

"It's on mine," Raditz called out from the audience.

"SHUT UP, BROTHER!"

"Enough, Spopovich. Would you like to be quiet so I can talk to the defendant, or does Yamu have anything to say?"

"Yes, as a matter of fact, I do, Your Honor." Yamu said most politely, before flipping open the notebook he brought with him. "Sir, it is an imperative that this case serves as an example to disaffected workers everywhere that your boss should not also be your dictator. Or your murderer. Therefore, I implore you to hand a guilty verdict to the gentleman to my left before this abuse continues to another employee. Thank you."

"Okay, that was better-"

"THAT WAS PRETTY FUCKING RAD, BROTHER!" Spopovich screamed at Yamu. "MORE RAD THAN THE TIME I FUCKING PLAYED KICKBALL WITH THE STILL-BEATING HEART OF VIDEL'S BIRTH MOTHER! HIGH FIVE!" Yamu just sighed with frustration.

"Babidi, go," Justin said quickly before Spopovich could interrupt again.

"I refuse to take blame for Yamu's death. That was all Pui-Pui and Dabura," Babidi clarified. "I just stood back and watched the show."

"So, you're openly admitting guilt for Spopovich's death, then?" asked Justin.

"Are you kidding? Of course! Didn't you see the way I killed him? It was magnificent!" Babidi yipped like an excited Chihuahua.

"True," Justin simply responded. "Anything else from you guys?"

"WE HAVE A FUCKING WITNESS, BROTHER!" screamed Spopovich.

"Who is it?"

"DABURA!"

"Oh, not him," groaned Babidi.

"Send Dabura in," the judge ordered, hearing Babidi's protests. Dabura walked in, actually the proper term would be "danced in," and stood in the witness stand after giving it a few sweet kisses.

"18, make it a note to buy some disinfectant for that witness stand after the case is over…" whispered Justin to his bailiff, who only nodded in agreement. Justin turned back over to face Dabura. "Okay, Dabura, 18 is going to ask you some questions," the judge said as 18 muttered a barely audible curse and slowly paced over to Dabura in the witness box.

"Okay, Dabura. Question one: Do you realize that we regularly spray this witness stand with Lysol?"

"No! But I do now, thank you so much Miss 18!"

"Right. Next question-"

Justin interrupted. "And it better be relevant to the fucking case."

"Next question: how long have you known Babidi?"

"Gee, I haven't seen him for several years, and there isn't really any time in heaven…"

18 stopped Dabura. "Here, let's rephrase that: how long did you know him before he allowed Majin Buu to eat you alive?"

"About a few months, I guess…" Dabura said, sniffling as he started to tear up. "WHY, BABIDI? WHY?" He flew swiftly over to Babidi's desk. "I WAS GOING TO MARRRY YOU!"

You know how, in an awkward silence, you can suddenly hear a lot more than you usually can? Like, your ears suddenly become capable of picking up noises from distances where they wouldn't normally be noticeable? Well, everyone in the court could hear a pin drop on the moon for about thirty seconds. Finally, Spopovich spoke up, scaring the living shit out of everyone: "THAT'S PRETTY FUCKED UP, BROTHER!"

"Indeed." Justin banged his gavel. "Jury, what say you?"

"Guilty," said Puar, and the other two nodded in agreement.

"Good. Then I sentence Babidi to suck cocks in hell." Justin banged his gavel yet again and 18 hauled the defendant away, a tearful Dabura following along. "See you later, brothers."

THE END


	39. King Piccolo VS Dabura

**Disclaimer: DargunnbownslZ fasdl im drunk whgatever.**

_(Today's Case: Demon King Piccolo sues the reformed villain, Dabura, for the rights to carry the title of demon king. The only reason that Dabura even bothered to show up is because someone promised him a nice bouquet of daffodils. The credit for this case idea goes to Dr. Angryslacks. I award you many points, my good sir!_

_Plaintiff: Piccolo Sr._

_Defendant: Dabura)_

18 took out her folded up paper and read what Justin instructed her to read out loud. "All rise for the person that is better than Android 18- oh, fuck off!" Android 18 blasted in the court room.

Justin walked in with a look on his face similar to that of a cat that has just caught a mouse that he is fixing to torture to near death and finish off by eating. He sat down at his podium and, smirking, took the case idea out of the fuming Android 18's hand.

"So, today Daddy Piccolo is crawling up Dabura's ass for rights to the title of demon king," read Justin out loud. "I'm sure Dabura really cares about being called Demon King when someone tells him he's late for the Wuss Convention. Send them in."

Piccolo Sr. and Dabura entered the court room and took their respective seats. Before even asking permission, Piccolo Sr. started jawing on like an asshole.

"This worm isn't worthy of the title of Demon King anymore, and even if he were, it's a title that he stole from me!" the green man barked. "I demand that it be made official that I am the only true king of demons!"

"'Kay, and Dabura?" Justin turned to look at the other, red, man.

"Well, Your Honor," began Dabura after taking five precious seconds to sniff the un-fucking-godly large bouquet he requested for his arrival in court, "firstly and with all due respect, I would like to mention that the club which I have joined is not called the Wuss Convention. It's called the Puss Convention. Secondly, I don't care all that much if Mr. Piccolo Sr. wishes to take my title."

"Well, that's nice and all, but- WHAT?" screamed the judge.

"I don't need an awful, unseemly title like Demon King following me around for my whole eternal life in heaven. Besides, Piccolo Sr. did have the name first."

Justin bashed the gavel as hard as he could against the podium, startling the shit out of half the people in the court room. "Wait a fucking minute! No, you fucking don't! You are the defendant, you are here in this fucking court, DEFEND YOURSELF! For shit's sake, you ARE THE DEMON KING!"

"Not anymore, Your Honor," smiled Dabura. "I'm reformed; all of my crimes are in the past. I have never been happier in the entirety of my existence."

"Okay, that settles it then!" Piccolo Sr. declared. "We can all recognize that I am the demon king and leave now."

"No, bullshit!" Justin raged. "I refuse to let this go! I'm not going to have this case be resolved with one of the people just quitting like that! Someone get me Babidi right this fucking instant!"

"How?" Android 18 groaned. "He's filling out his sentence of sucking cocks in hell right now."

"Oh, right, fuck…" Justin rested his chin on his hands for a second, then someone in the audience threw a light bulb at his head.

"Ow!" Justin yelled. "What was that about!"

"Thought it might give you an idea," Vegeta said from the back.

"Well, it… did." Justin turned to 18. "Get Babidi anyway, and get him to do his spell caster voodoo on Dabura while he's sucking a demon's cock."

"Um, that isn't appropriate. I can't imagine why you would request that when you got all angry at your last bailiff for not wearing a shirt several cases ago."

"…Over ruled! Get me Babidi."

18 growled with rage, but she dropped into hell through the secret pathway behind the podium and, a couple minutes later, dragged a large demon with Babidi dangling off of his penis out of hell and into court. The children were excused from the court room.

"Babidi?" screamed Dabura. "What have they done to you?" But he could not talk, for his tongue was glued to the floor of his lower jaw with… well, this is a T-rated fanfic, so it was glued shut with actual Elmer's glue right from the man himself, Elmer Elmerson, who went to hell for raping an entire pre-school and having a recursive name. King Yemma fucking **hates** recursive names.

"Okay, Babidi, I want you to re-hypnotize Dabura. In exchange for your freedom, of course."

Babidi pulled away from the demon. "Fine," and he turned to look at Dabura, "but first, I must find some shred of evil left in his heart."

"Um, I can be evil for you if you want," Dabura said, blushing. Then he pushed the desk very slightly towards the front of the room. "There, now your court room is out of order, Your Honor!"

"Wow, that actually looks better," 18 said. Justin nodded in agreement.

"Aww!" Dabura let out a squeak of frustration. Then he shaved his beard off using some of his own energy. "There, now I don't look good at all!"

"Yeah, you do, actually," Justin observed.

As Dabura cried in frustration, Babidi floated up and onto the desk where the demon was laying his head. "Dabura, what is your favorite color?"

"*sniff* Pink…"

"Favorite food?"

"Cake."

"Favorite band?"

"Oh, that's easy! Nickelback!"

A shrill gasp shook the court room. One person, namely Gohan, threw up blood. Babidi looked over at Justin and nodded. The judge silently gave Babidi the signal for go, and Babidi re-hypnotized Dabura using the evil still latent deep in his heart. Dabura, newly evil-ized, took one look over at King Piccolo.

"…What, Daffodil Boy? Do you have any last words for the real Demon Ki-"

King Piccolo was vaporized before he could finish his famous last words.

"Okay, Jury, what's your opinion?" Justin asked.

"Dabura wins. Fatality."

Justin nodded yet again. "And a flawless victory indeed. Case dismissed, King Piccolo being in hell with a lot of ass-rape demons is good enough punishment."

THE END!


	40. Frieza VS Cell

**Disclaimer: As of this chapter, all of the chapters for this story are being outsourced to writers in China, who much like myself, do not own Dragonball Z. Thank you.**

_(Today's case: Frieza's got a bone to pick with Cell, who has some of Frieza's DNA without due process and is thus using Frieza's own trademarked abilities without permission. I guess that would make him… CELL-FISH! AHAHA… *ahem* this case idea presented to you by KRicci93. TAKE A BOW MAN!_

_Plaintiff: Frieza_

_Defendant: Cell)_

"All hail the Magic Conch," 18 said with a small tinge of happiness in her otherwise monotonal voice.

Justin stepped into the court room and, eyeing 18 very curiously, sat down at his podium.

"Spongebob references, Android 18?" Justin smirked. "I'm not even sure how disdainful I should feel right now."

"My kid asked me to do it, she's been watching that show obsessively lately," 18 whispered/growled. "Just read the case."

"Right-O." Justin picked up the paper lying in front of him. "We've got Frieza suing my old bailiff, who would certainly have not made a Spongebob reference to introduce the judge, for using all of Frieza's old techniques without consent."

"But, in Dragonball GT they teamed up together and-"

"Android 18, we don't talk about that series in here," admonished the judge. "Your punishment is to stand still while I crumple up this piece of paper and throw it at your head."

So he did just that. Except for the part where he didn't even come close to hitting her. "HA, you would have had better luck hitting me if you'd have thrown it in the opposite direction!" 18 ridiculed.

"Grrr… just send them both in…"

Frieza and Cell took Justin's cue and entered the court room together, sitting across from each other while glaring the entire time.

"A lover's tiff, are we having?" Justin remarked dryly. Frieza and Cell appeared to not hear that. "Okay, one of you, will you just go ahead and make your case already? If you must, you can continue to look lovingly into the other person's eyes while doing so."

"Cell has, without my knowledge or my being informed, has used many of my most well-known techniques against opponents in the past," said Frieza, turning his face away from Cell's for the first time since entering the court room. "I can understand him having some of my cells within him, that part isn't his doing. But he has violated a very serious copyright agreement I made some years ago on the Planet Greygh by using my powers in combat. I demand he have surgery conducted that will give my cells back to me."

"Okay, very good, that wasn't so hard, was it?" Justin said gently, turning his head to Cell. "'Kay, friend, what is your counter?"

Cell stood up, nodded with curt respect to the woman who replaced him, and began talking to his former boss. "Your Honor, how the blasted fuck was I supposed to know about Frieza's contract?"

"Uh… the fact that you have all of his memories stored as part of your collection of cells?"

" He was black-out drunk when he signed that contract!"

"That may be true, Cell," Frieza began, also standing up, "but you remember the fact that I was drunk and on Planet Greygh! And if there's one thing I know about those Greyghains, it's that they love the shit out of their contracts!"

"I'm learning more about the universe than I ever gave a shit to know…" Justin sighed to himself while Frieza and Cell continued their back-and-forth.

"You know that contract could have been about anything!" Cell exclaimed. "I have at least 12 different stored instances in my data of you signing contracts that could have said 'Frieza is a douche' for all you knew at the time."

"Well, setting aside the fact that 'Frieza is a douche' actually WAS a clause in one of those 12 contracts, I fail to see how that has anything to do with the fact that you violated one of my contractual agreements, regardless of the state I was in when I signed it!" Frieza shot back.

"And my point is that the validity of such a contract has to be questioned whenever you are in such a state that you cannot properly spell your own name right and must have Zarbon come over and stamp the signature line with a generic stamp of approval for you while you stare at his ass!"

Frieza blushed and sputtered. "Y-You made that up!"

Cell crossed his arms and smirked. "Bull fuck I did, Frieza."

"That is enough defamation of my character out of you, Cell! You have my cells in me, so you have to know that he looks a lot like the females on my planet!"

"But he doesn't smell like boiled peanuts like the females on your planet!"

"I don't even know what boiled peanuts are!"

"The guy that kicked your pasty ass all over Namek does, and I have _his_ cells in me also!"

Justin smashed his gavel against the podium, narrowly missing his own thumb. "Knock it off; you've both veered way the hell off subject. In fact, Frieza, what the fuck are you suing Cell over again?"

"… Something about drunk peanuts, I think," answered Frieza thoughtfully.

"No. Not at all." Justin turned his head leftwards. "Jury, what do you think?"

"I agree with Cell!" Puar said.

"Frieza's less scary, so him!" voted Oolong.

"Okay, Chiaotzu, you're the tie-break- err… Oolong, how scary someone is isn't a good indication of their guilt."

"It is to me!"

"…Fuck you. Anyway, Chiaotzu, go."

Chiaotzu stood up in his chair. "I vote… Cell."

"DAMN!" screamed Frieza. Cell did a fist pump.

"Okay, Frieza, I sentence you to having your lipstick rations in hell taken away for a month. Case dismissed."

THE END…

()()()

After the court emptied out completely that night, Frieza hid in the back seething to himself over his perception of being screwed over in court. "There must be a way to over-turn that decision…"

"Psst." A voice came from around the left corner.

"But how…? Cell must have done something… I can't let my lipstick ration be taken so easily…"

"Hey!" The voice, or rather the person attached to it, had come around the corner and was only a couple feet away from the tyrant. Still, he was ignored.

"I got it! Tax evasion!"

"HEY, _CULO_! OVER HERE!"

Frieza finally looked over at the mysterious stranger, who sat on a scooter with a folder sticking out of the basket attachment on the front. "What? I'm busy!"

"I have something for you, _ese._"

"I don't need your damn scooter, I already have-"

"Jesus fucking- IT'S IN THE FOLDER!"

"…Oh."

Frieza took the folder and flipped through it. His jaw dropped. "My God… my GOD!"


	41. Frieza VS Cell PART DEUX

**Disclaimer: Could this DISC get any LAIMER? HUH? I don't own Dragonball Z.**

_(Today's Case: Frieza has returned with a vengeance to sue Perfect Cell for… RAPE! Just when I thought I had ended DBZ Pairings of the Apocalypse, it drags me right back in… This case, much like the last case, was suggested by KRicci93. GOOD DAY INDEED.  
_

_Plaintiff: Frieza_

_Defendant: Cell)_

"All rise for… blah blah blue eyes… blah blah…" Android 18 rambled off, eyes not even on the paper most of the time. Justin walked in anyway, sitting at his podium and glaring at Android 18.

"…Yes?"

"I'm not even going to bother today…" sighed Justin. "Just hand over the case file."

"Yeah, sure." 18 gave to Justin a nice manilla envelope, which he then opened up.

"These new case file thingies sure beat the hell out of scraps of printer paper…" Justin reflected to himself. "Maybe 18 getting a say in the court's budget wasn't such a- HOLY SHITFUCK FROM HELL!"

"What?" 18 shouted, startled by the judge's outburst.

"Frieza's suing Cell again… for raping him!"

A brief pause. Then, 18 covered her mouth, making a peculiar and undignified snorting sound that her hand couldn't muffle well enough.

"What?"

"Sorry… it's nothing." 18 said, sniffing and standing aloof once again.

"Anyway, this is going to be the case that puts us on the map, so be on your best behavior. Send them in."

The plaintiff and defendant entered the courtroom, the former sporting one hell of a rickety wheelchair. Taking their places at the desks in the front of the courtroom, Frieza then fell out of the chair, falling onto his allotted desk and breaking it into pieces.

"What the fuck, Frieza?" Justin raged rather lazily. "Do you realize that desk costs more than your entire lipstick budget for one year?"

"I'm sorry… " Frieza whimpered pathetically. "I can't move my legs, can someone help me back up?"

Justin narrowed his eyes at the tyrant. "You can fly, Frieza. We all know that. Float back onto the wheelchair so we can get this case on the road."

Frieza extended his lower lip all crybaby style and floated back onto his chair, cringing as he sat down on it and then looking around to make sure everyone who could see his face saw him grimace.

"Right, then. Frieza, you may fire when ready."

"...Literally or-"

"Metaphorically, yes."

"Your Honor, I have been the victim of a terrible crime." At this point, Frieza began to fake-cry for sympathetic effect. But, since Frieza had never had to do so prior to this point in his life, his fake crying sounded more like the pained moans of a turtle fucking the business end of a ginzu knife. "I was in Hell, practicing by double-axle, when suddenly the evil green creature calling himself Cell flew down from the sky and beat me viciously-"

"Objection, Your Honor," Cell deadpanned from the other end of the courtroom. "If I had hit him even once, as weak as he is, he would have been mutilated beyond recognition immediately, and therefore not even alive by the standards of the afterlife. I would have had the time to punch him like once before I would have been beating a flesh ball around like a sack of taters."

Justin placed his hand on his chin, with his elbow against the podium, and gazed at Cell. "First of all, Cell, you have supplied this courtroom with its first objection that I can remember, so congrats for that milestone. Second of all, 'taters?' Were you adopted by a Hillbilly clan in Hell?"

Before Cell could speak, Frieza stood up abruptly from his wheelchair and held up a folder for all the court to see. "The evidence is in here, Your Honor!"

"Frieza, I could have sworn that wheelchairs were for people that couldn't use their legs," Android 18 drawled.

Justin nodded in agreement. "Yeah, Frieza, when did Jesus drop by and heal up your legs?"

"Uh... while you were talking about-"

"ALREADY BORED." Justin declared, banging his gavel. "Bring me your bullshit evidence."

Frieza, still trying to keep his charade of crippled-ness though he had already been caught, floated over to Justin and handed over his documents. Justin opened up the folder and immediately let out a fierce gut-laugh.

"What, what is it?" Android 18 asked.

"Ahaha... hahahahha... oh my god! Jesus Christ, look at this picture!"

Suddenly, the doors of the court room were opened slowly. A small hispanic child rolled in on a tricycle with chipped red paint. "I would like to be a witness for the plaintiff," he declared with a thick accent, though he spoke eloquently for someone of his age.

"...Who the fuck are you?" Justin asked, wiping tears of laughter out of his eyes.

"That isn't important. Do you have a projector so the whole court room can see the evidence?"

"WHAT?" screamed Frieza from his wheelchair as Justin's face brightened up. "Yeah! We do! 18, go get it!"

18, who was more curious about the picture than anyone else in the whole court room, happily brought the projector in from the storage room next to her post. Justin slapped the picture down on the top while 18 pulled a white screen down from behind the judge and plugged in the power.

"Annnnddd... SHOW US THE MONEY!" Justin screamed dramatically once the projector flickered on. The courtroom was treated to a picture of Cell pinning Frieza against a cliff-side, their faces only an inch apart from each other. As a roar of dialogue shook the room, Frieza only bowed his head in shame, silently swearing revenge on the tricycle boy. From behind his own desk, Cell stared at the picture in utter horror.

"Justin, you- you can't possibly believe this!" Cell snapped finally. "I was your employee for over a month! You know almost as well as I do that I'm not like that!" Justin, knowing full well that Cell was innocent and this was humiliating Frieza, came up with a stunningly odd yet brilliant plan.

"Yeah-huh!" Justin contended. "You were photographed doing this in hell, which looks a lot like Namek in this picture. That makes you guilty of performing non-consensual sex acts on Frieza."

The court room collectively made a noise that sounded like a fusion between a laugh and a groan. Justin gave himself a minute to skim over the other piece of evidence, a typed-out witness account. He stood after the moment was exhausted, and proceeded to lay it on thick.

"What's more, I have been given excerpts from a written witness account wherein you masturbated and anally violated the plaintiff against his will!" That time, only the groaning could be heard. The child nodded with agreement, even though he didn't know what most of those words meant. Meanwhile, 18 doubled over in laughter and Frieza dug his nails into his face from the embarrassment. "My personal conclusion as judge is that you should be tried and hanged for the crime of humping Frieza's ass like a French poodle on Viagra. And furthermore-"

Justin's rant was cut short when a large wave of energy suddenly consumed the small child on a tricycle and he fell to the ground, smoldering. Justin and 18, as well as the other denizens of the court, looked over at Cell expectantly. Cell shook his head and gestured with his head towards Frieza, whose arm was extended outward towards the boy's lifeless body.

"I lied, I wasn't really raped." Frieza seethed. "The picture and the 'witness account' were both forged."

A satisfied smirk spread across Justin and Cell's faces. "...Okay, jury, what's your opinion?"

The verdict was a simultaneous "not guilty."

"Then I sentence Frieza to three months of watching graphic prison rapes on TV. CASE DISMISSED," Justin concluded with the bang of his gavel.

()()()

Two hours after the end of that day's case, the judge walked outside of the court in his street clothes after looking after some important business (Read: watching bad anime and scratching his nuts). What greeted him was a construction crew creating a solid base on the lot just next to the court's. The one giving out orders in a small pink hard hat was none other than Android 18.

"What the hell are you doing out here?" interrogated the judge. 18 turned to him and sneered.

"Union business."

TO BE CONTINUED...


	42. Android 18 VS Vegeta

**Disclaimer: No.**

()()()

"So, wait, explain this to me again."

18 sighed. It was about twenty minutes before court was to be in session and their little meeting had got off on the wrong foot and been there since it started forty minutes ago. "For the third time, judge, I have decided to start a workers' union for the people that work for you in this court room."

Justin nodded. "All four of them."

"Don't be a smart-ass. I've done research and it is clear to me and the three jurors that you pay us not only a poor sum for our work compared to other bailiffs and jurors, you DON'T FUCKIN' PAY US AT ALL!" 18 slammed her fists on the desk, reducing it to a fine powder.

Justin stood up. "I'll fine you for that desk later. It's almost time for court."

18 crossed her arms and scowled, contemplating refusing to work. Then she remembered the day's case and sighed. "Well, at least that's one silver lining."

()()()

_(Today's Case: Android 18 has set her sights against Vegeta for allowing Cell to absorb her and become complete. As Soundgarden says in their song "Fresh Tendrils," LONG TIME COMIN'…._

_Plaintiff: Android 18_

_Defendant: Vegeta)_

()()()

"All arise. Because Justin kind of likes that song." 18 read from a piece of paper.

So then came Justin through the front double doors of DBZ court. After smirking quickly to himself, he swaggered over to his podium at the front of the court room.

"How's it hangin'?" Justin coolly asked his bailiff.

"What are you so happy about?" 18 muttered.

"Nothing important. You got a case for me or what?"

18 pulled a neatly folded scrap of notebook paper from her pocket and slid it across Justin's podium. Justin slammed his hand down, stopping the paper from flying off the podium, unfolded it and read.

"Aha! Looks like I need to get a substitute bailiff for today's case, since you decided you'd get paid more for being a plaintiff." Justin smiled.

"I probably would," 18 mumbled.

Justin scanned his eyes across the court room. "Okay, which one of you guys wants to stand up for about five minutes?"

Silence.

"Nobody?"

Silence. Finally, a lone hand extends outward from the left side of the court room.

"Android 17…?" Justin said slowly. "I'm not sure it would be very ethical to let you be bailiff during your own sister's case against the guy who let her get absorbed…"

17 stood. "It's not like I can drag Vegeta away or anything."

"Well, fine, but don't provide any input or I'll be… forced to step in, if that sounds familiar at all to you."

17 smirked and promptly flew over to 18's spot while 18 situated herself at the plaintiff's desk.

"Okay," Justin shouted so Vegeta could hear, "you can enter now!"

With no hesitation whatsoever, Vegeta threw the doors of the courtroom open, an action that caused the doors to unhinge and go flying through the courtroom, and stalked over to his place at the defendant's chair with his arms crossed, a firm scowl on his face and a look that says, "FUCK OFF."

"So, Vegeta, what's new?" Justin asked casually, only to be ignored by the saiyan prince, who found it increasingly difficult to keep what little composure he had entered the court room with.

"Right. I'll just go to 18, then." And then he swiveled in his chair to face the femme fatale.

"Would you kindly explain to the rest of the class what you wrote down on this piece of paper?"

Android 18 caught the crumpled case paper with ease, only to toss it behind her. "Your… _Honor…,_ Vegeta is guilty for his refusal to kill Imperfect Cell during the Cell saga. Instead, he told him outright to absorb me so he could continue the fight in his perfect form." 18's voice rose, "He even went as far as to fight his own son to keep him from stopping the big-lipped bastard!"

"I see…" Justin again swiveled so he could face Vegeta. "And your response?"

"Hrmph."

"Very good! Let's go to the jurors and-"

"Vegeta has to give a response before the jury can reach a verdict, sir," said an annoyed 18.

"Oh, fuck that!" Vegeta barked. "Are you telling me I have to explain myself or else we can't leave, android? This is taking up a lot of time that I could be using to-"

"Train." 18 finished without even looking at Vegeta. "We get it; you get off on being Goku's struggling underdog. Why don't you take all that anger and use it to-"

"Uh, 18…" Justin interrupted.

"What?"

Justin, looking none too delighted, pointed his gavel at Vegeta. 18 turned her head and saw that Vegeta was preparing to fire a blast directly at 18. Wisely, the android shut up, knowing that Vegeta could- and would- easily wipe her out.

"I have no patience for your insolence, android!" He yelled. "This whole case is a waste of time because one of the reasons I blew myself up seven years after this incident to kill Majin Buu was to erase the fact that I let Cell become complete and nearly destroy the planet!"

18 got up from her seat and took a step back while the rest of the courtroom prepared just in case Vegeta really did attack. "Okay…"

"And now that you have wasted my time, insulted my power and married Krillin just to confuse everyone with a working sense of vision, I AM GOING TO DESTROY YOU! AAAHHH-"

"Knock it off, Vegeta!"

The courtroom peeled their eyes from the ongoing drama to see Goku stand up from the front of the courtroom.

"Heh. Sorry about all this, Your Honor." Goku apologized to the judge while floating over to stand next to Vegeta. "He's been a little frustrated lately."

Justin narrowed his eyes. "How is that any different from how he acts any other day, Mr. Son?"

Goku, clearing his throat, seemed to be uncertain as to how to answer that. "Well, it's just… Bulma being put up in a home and everything…"

"I would think of that as an improvement, but-"

Vegeta exploded. "I HAVEN'T HAD SEX IN SEVERAL WEEKS!"

In the middle of yet another case, the court had fallen thickly silent. Many people squirmed in their seats because of how uncomfortable Vegeta's revelation just made them. One person even fainted. I won't tell you who.

"…What he said, Your Honor." Finished Goku quietly.

"Okay, Vegeta and 18, do you both want to continue this little circus of ours or-"

"I have a witness," 18 declared after sitting back down and finally regaining her composure after Vegeta's threat.

Justin, frustrated, smacked his gavel against his forehead by accident while attempting to communicate his annoyance. This act resulted in boredom in the court as the judge curled up into a ball and hissed in pain for about five minutes before getting up, dusting himself off, and repeating the process for another five minutes.

"Whatever," sighed Justin, "just bring him in before I bruise my beautiful brain again…"

Android 18 whistled, and was immediately rewarded with Android 16 opening the door to the courtroom with his capsule corp outfit torn in places and an immaculate white light glowing furiously behind him.

"The hell is- HEY!" Justin stood up in his podium. "TURN OUT THAT LIGHT, TRUNKS, YOU BASTARD!"

"B-But he said to-"

"OFF WITH THE LIGHT!"

So Present-time Trunks scowled and flicked the light switch, muttering cusses as he wheeled it away. Android 16 ignored the half saiyan's exit and entered the witness stand.

"Okay, 17, you question the witness," Justin ordered.

"…What?"

"There is a witness. You question him. Jury makes decision. We both go home and watch Tosh.0 in our underwear. That's how this works, Bailiff 17."

Android 17 just shook his head and walked over to face Android 16.

"'Kay, 16, I have just one question: did Vegeta do it?"

"Yes."

With that, Android 17 nodded to the judge and returned to his place.

"That was efficient," noted Justin. "Maybe I should permanently replace 18 with you."

18 gritted her teeth. "Oh, no, you don't. Not until I get paid for all the shit I've already done!"

"Relax, 18," laughed Justin. "The courtroom needs a piece of eye-candy like you to keep them in line."

It was 17's turn to get mad along with his sister. "Hey, ease off, man. That's my sister."

The judge rolled his eyes. "I'll be sure to send off a memo to Dr. Gero so he can repair your humor recognition circuits. Jury, make your decision."

The jury voted unanimously against Vegeta. "Then I sentence Vegeta to… hrm… what to sentence him to…"

"How about nothing?" Vegeta sneered. "What could you idiots possibly do to me that I couldn't handle?"

As he began to think, 18 hurried over to Justin and whispered something into his ear. Justin's face brightened and he banged his gavel.

"Vegeta, your mission is to be forced to constantly exist within 10 feet of Goku for the next three months."

Vegeta's face contorted with fury while Goku looked over at Chi-Chi with a face full of apology.

"And if I refuse?" Vegeta asked challengingly.

Justin turned to 18 for help again. "He can't exactly be forced..."

As if on cue, a skinny glowing rope erupted from both Goku's and Vegeta's stomachs, connecting them together while the low laugh of King Yemma provided a soundtrack.

"That's a Spirit Tether!" King Yemma's disembodied voice explained. "No matter what, you will be forced together for three months as the judge has declared!"

"Hey, thanks, boss!" shouted the judge. "Well, I'm off to see the wizard! CASE CLOSED! (gavel bash)"

THE END!


	43. King Yemma VS Capsule Corp

**Disclaimer: Gardenball Z is brought to you by Home and Gardening channel. Here's Vegeta now on how to grow stronger house plants.**

()()()

Justin and 18 glared at each other from opposite ends of a desk. Since this is a Dragonball Z fanfic, they had been doing this for the past hour.

"…So are we going to say something eventually?" Justin finally pondered.

"The building has been finished," 18 began, "and the DBZ Court Workers' Union has been officially recognized as a legitimate institution by… well, who the fuck cares, it's not like we can't blow them up anyway."

"And as I understand… this is supposed to intimidate me?"

"…Just you wait."

()()()

_(Today's case: King Yemma has brought a case against Capsule Corp. for making their building too small for him to fit in, and thus causing him to injure his back in the process of trying. Yes, these cases are really getting that dumb. And yes, this was my idea._

_Plaintiff: King Yemma_

_Defendant: Capsule Corp.)_

"All rise for." Android 18 repeated from the paper, glaring back up at the entering Justin with an annoyed confusion while he merrily walked to his podium.

"I'm experimenting with minimalism, you see." He explained. "What is today's case?"

"Christ, Judge, can't you be normal for just one case?" A rare outburst of emotion from Android 18. Justin, somewhat taken aback by her tone, hid his brief consternation and merely said, "No."

18, as was her nature, huffed with annoyance and laid out the case. "King Yemma, whom you and myself know as our boss, is suing Capsule Corp. for hurting his back with their too-small building."

Justin gave 18 and impatient look, to which she corrected, "Inadequately sized."

He nodded. "In."

"…What?"

Justin made a "bring it on" motion towards the door with his un-malleted hand and repeated himself. "In." At that point, 18 knew what the man wanted, but she couldn't resist fucking with his minimalism experiment. "I don't understand, sir, are you saying you want me to leave?"

"BRING THEM!" Screamed the Judge. 18 was not to be sated so easily, however. "Bring the doors in?"

Retracting slowly into an errie calm, Justin took his hammer… and slowly… hit himself in the forehead. "Bring in the case people…"

"The jury's already come in-"

"I WILL FIRE YOU HARDER THAN VINCE MCMAHON COULD EVER IMAGINE IN HIS WILDEST DREAMS IF YOU DON'T BRING IN THE FUCKING PLAINTIFF AND THE FUCKING DEFENDANT! THERE! IS THAT CLEAR ENOUGH FOR YOU?"

She only smiled and blinked in response before opening the automatic doors. First, a generic representative from Capsule Corp. entered the room and sat at the defendant's desk as the crowd waiting in deadly silence for the massive King Yemma to enter the building.

**THUD!** **THUD!** **THUD!** King Yemma's footsteps could be heard steadily inching toward the door. If there had been any cups of liquid in the building, they would have been doing that thing where every step causes tiny waves to happen on the surface of the drink, like in Godzilla movies or whatever.

"Oh, my God, look!" Screamed one person in the audience.

Even the most powerful characters in the court room had tensed up. The room had been made into a collective mass of cringing wait. As one, their heads- their eyes- fixated themselves on one thing, one little window. A window where King Yemma's kneecap had appeared.

"Jesus Christ, I forgot how big he was!" Justin exclaimed. "There's no way he'll fit in here!"

"What happened to 'minimalism', Judge?"

Justin whipped his head around to face 18 and, in an exaggerated motion, pointed at the window where King Yemma's kneecap could be seen. "THAT is not minimalism. That, at the very least, is maximalism! If you would like to suggest a way to fit him into the courtroom, I would fucking love to hear it!"

"How about removing the roof?"

"Great idea, now suggest one that'll make it possible for King Yemma to sit in the plaintiff's chair without sitting on the REST OF THE DAMN COURTROOM in the process!"

"*Sigh* Your behavior is not conductive to finding a solution for this."

"Okay, fuck it, let's just take the court outside." And with that, Justin pounded his gavel against the podium. "EVERYONE! OUTSIDE! Now where am I going to find a replacement podium…"

()()()

With everyone outside, court resumed.

"Alright," Justin began from his seat on Cell's shoulders, "let's get going with this shit."

"Justin…" Cell growled, "you owe me big time for this…"

"Whatever, just keep holding me steady. King Yemma, sir, please present your case."

"*ahem* Well, let me just begin by asking you a question."

"Erm… okay."

"Couldn't you have easily just had Android 18 bring your podium outside instead of sitting on top of your former bailiff's shoulders?"

"Well, yeah, but that isn't my style. I like to go against the grain, you understand."

"But you are bringing other characters into it who do not want to be involved. As an employee of mine, I must order you to get off of Cell's shoulders and Android 18 to go get your actual seat from inside the courtroom."

"But it'll get dirty-"

"THAT'S AN ORDER!"

()()()

"Okay, we're all settled in now," Justin intoned with sadness, "so present your case, please, Mr. King Yemma."

"Well, Justin, it seems that Capsule Corp. hasn't designed their buildings optimally for larger sized gentlemen such as myself. Therefore, I remain confident that a jury of 12 of my peers, as is legal, will find my defendant guilty."

"Heh… heh…" Even the people standing at the back end of the giant, disorganized crowd watching the trial could hear Justin twiddling his thumbs. "Well, let's cross that bridge when we get to it. Capsule Corp. representative, you can go ahead now."

The representative, without taking his eyes from his magazine, started to testify. "Our buildings weren't meant to house people as large as a city block. We can't be faulted for not anticipated a man as large as King Yemma to just waltz over and nearly crush our building trying to walk in."

"That was really impressive how you managed to say all of that mid-yawn," Justin sarcastically gawked. "You must be really bored."

"Huh? Oh, no, I'm… I'm fine."

The sound of crickets for thirty seconds. Then…

"Well then, do we want to take a brief recess? I certainly do!" Justin declared, bashing his gavel down on his podium. "Excuse me for a second while Android 18 and I go over here and, uh, talk about a water-cooler at the water-cooler!"

"Hey, wait, wha-"

Justin grabbed 18's hand and ran the opposite direction from the "court". Even though 18 could have easily stopped and not went with him, she tagged along. As soon as they were a safe distance away, he whipped around:

"WHERE THE FUCK ARE WE GOING TO FIND NINE MORE JURORS?"


	44. King Yemma VS Capsule Corp Part II

**Disclaimer: I do not own Dragonball Z. But, I do occasionally PWN Dragonball Z. Believe it or not, a cartoon series is not very good at Mario Kart.**

_Last time on DBZ Court…_

"_Okay, 18, I got the cover off the bomb! Which wire am I supposed to cut?"_

"_The red one."_

"… _There isn't a red one!"_

"_Oh. I guess I have the wrong year's Bomb Manual."_

"_FUUUUUUUUUCK!"_

"_I always knew you'd cheat on me, Chiaotzu…" _

"_Puar, honey, put the gun down, please!"_

"_But I never, ever thought it would be with Oolong…" _

"_Heh. You know, they don't call me Greezy Chops for nothin'."_

_(BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!)_

_We now return you to DBZ Court, Chapter 44…_

"Alright, our jury's uh… deliberating right now." Justin explained slowly to the great King Yemma, absent one Android 18, who was initiating plan B.

King Yemma, towering above even, it seemed, the clouds themselves, peered down at the jury box that he didn't know had just been jerry-rigged. "Very well. I should hope that only the best jurors have been appointed by the state to fill these chairs… which look suspiciously like they came out of the dumpster behind the courtroom."

"What would give you that idea, sir?"

"Well, desk chairs that lack any kind of covering on the seat aren't usually used for jury boxes. And also, they usually aren't sold with cockroach infestations."

Justin sighed and sat down on the ground. "Okay, fine, we got these at a bargain sale. We were just trying to cut costs. Bad economy and all that."

"Hrm… somewhat understandable. But what about-"

"Oh, excuse me, sir," Justin leapt to his feet while saying, "but 18's back! Let's continue the case! Where's the defendant? DEFENDANT!"

"Right here," he said from the donut shop half a block away. Bringing his box of donuts with him, he took his place at the defendant's chair. And promptly screamed in terror.

"What?" asked the judge.

"There's a… a GREEN MAN under my desk!" the defendant screamed.

Justin thought for a second. "OH! 18 must have gotten access to some Saibamen! Yeah, those'll be perfect jurors-"

"Hrm?"

Justin's eyes nearly popped out of his skull cartoon wolf style upon remembering that King Yemma was at the court session, because even his boss being within earshot can't prevent Justin from saying something silly.

"Uh, that is ***ahem*** what I meant to say was… those will be perfect jurors, just like they have been in every court session before this one-"

"LIES!" declared Trunks from the audience.

"What?" Justin yelled. "You question me? I'll destroy you- oh, fuck, I'm turning into one of them…"

Sighing a roaring sigh, King Yemma relaxed. "Let's just get this done with."

_Boss, that's the first thing you've said all day that hasn't scared the piss out of me… _

"Okay, well, if my bailiff would please take her position, we could-"

"Way ahead of you, Judge."

Justin glanced behind his back, and indeed there was Android 18 at her place next to the podium, pointing out a jury box with 12 little saibamen. Relieved yet again, Justin took his own place.

"Let's get this shit back on the road," Justin proposed as he smashed his triumphant gavel into the podium. "Now, where were we?"

18 piped up. "We were about to have the jury deliberate, Judge."

"Exactly! I was just making sure you remembered, bailiff." 18 could only sigh indignantly in response.

"Jury, it's time to make your decision." Declared Justin. And the jury immediately… flew away, never to be seen again.

…

"Are they coming back, 18?"

"I don't think so."

"Son of a bitch."

King Yemma growled. "HazeltoOOOOOON?"

"Y-Yes…?"

"How are you going to finish this case NOW, may I ask?" King Yemma's voice was loud enough to shatter nearby windows as Justin cowered in fear as comfortably as he could in his judge chair. That's what he calls it. His judge chair.

"Can… can I request a five-minute recess?" Justin asked meekly.

"This is your court, Judge," he reminded the boy. "I expect you to have things more well-organized around here. Now I'm going to give you another chance. As your boss, I order you to postpone this case until tomorrow morning."

"Postpone?" Justin tried to yell, but it came out as more of a mild inquiry. "We've never had to postpone a case before… that I can remember."

"Exactly my point, boy. And as a result, you might have falsely tried many cases. I want everyone back here at 10 am sharp. Let's get it settled then. Good day."

()()()

Justin eagerly entered his lonely house through the backdoor and walked with as much dignity as he could retain to the bathroom to empty his pee-logged bladder. This, his evening ritual, brought some more certainty to his odd day at court.

"It goes against the whole point of the court to have to extend a trial for two days," he said out loud to himself, just above the sound of a steady stream of urine hitting the toilet water and, occasionally, the seat. "This court was for domestic disputes between these people to be dissolved quickly."

Having had enough of the toilet for one evening, the judge retreated to his sleeping quarters. Also known as, his twin-sized bed. To his left on the bedside table, a CD player. He would worry about tomorrow tomorrow. It was time to kick out the jams.

()()()

The following morning…

"WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS?" The judge blurted out with monumental force upon seeing his old bailiff, Cell, sitting where HE was supposed to be sitting.

"All of it will be made clear to you soon," said Cell. Justin was brought right back to being an eight-year-old boy watching DBZ in the living room, looking at Cell's face and hearing his voice in that instant. It was like he turned into the same arrogant monster all over again in that judge's chair. "Have a seat in the defendant's chair."

"And if I refuse?" Justin asked.

"Must you ask?"

"This court will have you evicted, Cell!"

Cell smirked. "We have all taken control of this court. And you're on trial here. Just look at the plaintiff's chair."

Justin peered over… and was shocked to see Android 18 herself sitting there. She was suing the judge himself…

TO BE CONTINUED…


	45. Android 18 VS Justin

**Disclaimer: Dragon-Bowel Z, a new show on the Discovery Channel, is not mine.**

()()()

Kicking and screaming abounded as Perfect Cell, whom King Yemma had, at least temporarily, appointed as the court's new judge, drug his former boss to the defendant's chair in a humiliating display of anguished helplessness.

"EIGHTEEEEEEEEN!" shrieked the Judge. "WHYYYYYY?"

"You know why," 18 said plainly in response. "And if you don't it's because you weren't listening."

Cell, finished with putting Justin literally in his place, retook his seat at Justin's podium and, even more to the man's chagrin, used HIS gavel to call order.

"I will preside over today's case," Cell "Captain Obvious" Gero told the court, "and I will serve as my own bailiff, unlike some people around here."

"Nyeh," mocked the barely-contained defendant.

"Now, plaintiff," Cell began, "why don't we start with a testimonial from you?"

18 curtly nodded and stood, not bothering to have a speech prepared in advance. "Your Honor, I have worked for the defendant for about two and a half weeks now. In this time, not only have I failed to receive compensation for my work, I have also been repeatedly placed in dangerous situations, mocked in front of the court, and openly denied by my boss the right to organize a union for myself and the three other employees of the court, former employees notwithstanding."

Looking over at the grimacing face of her employer, the android continued. "It is my hope, as well as the hope of my three co-workers and King Yemma, that this case will either pressure Judge Justin to provide the necessary requirements for my continued employment that have been laid out in my case, or will oust him and replace him with a more responsible presider for DBZ court. Thank you."

18 sat herself down to wild applause from nearly the entire court room.

"Very good, Android 18." Cell jerked his head to the right. "And what about our friend at the defendant desk?"

Justin, to a small handful of boos and cheers, cleared out his throat loudly and abundantly.

"First off, I can't conscionably call you 'Your Honor' since you essentially took over my court room, so don't expect that level of respect out of me. Second of all, compensating employees is difficult when your court takes in no money at all. You know this from experience, Cell, given your nearly a months worth of experience as this court's bailiff, and by extension, accountant. Third of all, you know, fuck you guys. That's all for now."

Justin sat down to, again, minimal fanfare. Being put on the spot was not his forte. But it didn't matter. He knew he was going to lose, somewhere deep in his mind.

"Hmph," Cell grinned, "I guess, if you can't do any better than that, I should throw my two cents in."

The defendant stood up fast, pounding his knee against the underside of the desk and causing himself a good deal of pain in the process, and shouted, "WAIT A GOD DAMN MINUTE! You're supposed to be a judge, Cell, not a fucking witness! If you're going to steal my job, at least do it correctly!"

Cell gave a derisive laugh. "Are you trying to fool this court into thinking you didn't do the exact same thing often while you were sitting in this seat? Don't try to pull any nonsense."

"Cell." King Yemma said slowly from outside the court room. "Your job is to be non-partial. Just because the defendant wasn't, doesn't mean you can abstain from that responsibility. In fact, that's a lot of the reason your former employer is being sued to begin with."

"…I apologize, King Yemma. I don't know what came over me."

Justin, for the first time in his entire life, was speechless. Never had he heard such a spectacular display of ass-kissery in his entire life, and from Mr. Perfect no less! It was astonishing to him, the supreme power that King Yemma had. AKIRA HOLYSHIT TORIYAMA himself had truly out-done himself.

But, underneath that submissive obedience, Justin could tell, was something darker. Cell may have worked for him less than a month, but the judge knew how to read Cell's face well. And he could see a deeply-held disgust for the jolly red giant. Could he perhaps use this to his advantage…?

"JUSTIN!" yelled Cell. "I've been yelling at you for several seconds. Is anyone home in that empty head of yours?"

"What? What do you want?"

"Do you have anything else to say before we let the jury deliberate? 18 has already stated that her case has rested. Let's move this along, now. Chop chop."

At this point, the former judge had quickly tired of Cell's newly-regained arrogance. "All I have to say is, 18, if you think you're going to get a better deal out of the thing who tried to kill you years ago, then you're out of your fucking mind."

18 and Cell smiled at the same time. "Well then," Cell said, "I say we let our jury deliberate. Now-"

"We talked about this, Cell." King Yemma again interrupted. "You cannot use the Cell Juniors as your jury like you did while Judge Justin was your employer."

"I know," Cell responded, "but I've got something nearly as good."

And with that, Cell turned his head to look at the person just behind the plaintiff. "Majin Buu!"

The obese gum-beast bounced giddily from behind Android 18, belly violently thrashing about like a separate being, and stood to attention directly in front of the podium, hand raised to forehead in salute. "Yes? What Cell need?"

"Can you divide yourself into twelve parts for me?"

"OBJECTION!" screamed Justin again from the defendant's chair. "Using twelve of the exact same person… or thing, whatever- doesn't count! It has to be twelve different individuals."

"Oh? And I suppose my Cell Juniors were all distinct from one another?" Cell asked, still smug but becoming somewhat annoyed.

"They were individuals, yes. Just because you produced them through budding, doesn't mean they weren't different from each other."

"That makes no sense! Have you ever even taken a basic Biology class? How are twelve children borne of one host supposed to be counted as twelve different jurors?"

"I'm not taking no fucking Biology lesson from some patch-work genetic freak like you, FORMER Bailiff Cell."

"THAT IS ENOUGH!" screamed King Yemma, an act that caused the entire court and the land surrounding it to shake copiously. "Cell, I will supply you with 12 demons from the depths of hell to deliberate on this case, because they are more reliable than the word of that nincompoop you've managed to find. You are disappointing me, Judge Cell."

So the deliberation began. The demons argued muchly over the course of three hours, while the court room looked nervously at the door waiting for the word. At long last, one red demon walked out and uttered one simple, haunting word:

"Guilty."


	46. Ginyu Force VS Gohan

**Disclaimer: Drag On Ballz, your weekly testicle-torture programme, is not brought to you by nedthejanitor.**

**ANNOUNCEMENT: As of this chapter, I'm no longer taking case requests. There are only four chapters left after this one, so there isn't any point. To all the people who've sent them in over all these years; thank you. **

**()()()**

_Three months later…_

_**CRASH!**_

"GOD DAMN IT!"

Justin winced at both the enormous sound of the stack of dishes exploding against the kitchen floor and the gruff voice of Mr. Dawson, his boss.

"Boy, that's another chunk out of your paycheck!" The large, red-faced man growled. "You keep this up, and you're going to start OWEING me money!"

Justin gulped back a sarcastic retort and nodded his head before bending over and picking up the pieces of the plates he destroyed.

As he got back up, a flash on the television visible through the window cut between the kitchen and restaurant indicated that America's new favorite Court TV show was just starting. He scowled and furrowed his brow at the face of the monster who ruined his life. Even with all of his weakness, he swore vengeance.

In the meantime, he had to go clean some guy's puke off of table 7.

()()()

_(Today's case: The remaining four members of the Ginyu Force who AREN'T frogs are suing Gohan, AKA "The Great Saiyaman", for plagiarism. Oracle of the Stars is responsible for this idea, so if you ever see them in real life, give 'em a pat on the back. Or backside. Whatever floats y'alls boat._

_Plaintiff: Jeice, Burter, Recomme, Guldo  
Defendant: Gohan)_

Cell walked into the court with no introduction, since he felt he didn't need one, and took his seat, pausing to make sure he wasn't about to sit on his wings.

"Good morning," 18 said politely. Cell responded with a curt nod. "I have the case for today-"

"I already know what it is, Bailiff 18," interrupted Cell. Pausing to clear out his throat, he yelled for the Plaintiff and Defendant to be brought in. Instead of two people, Cell got five.

"HOLD IT!" screamed the judge. The four villains on their way to the defendant's chair stopped dead in their tracks.

"WOT?" screamed an impatient Jeice, in his best impression of a really obnoxious Australian wrestler.

"No one told me there was going to be four plaintiffs! One of you is going to have to stay as a representative for the rest of your group."

"Bullshit!" Guldo screamed back. "We were all there for _Sailor Moon VS Dragonball Z, _so we've seen that there can be multiple people on each side! Hell, you were the fucking bailiff then! You should remember!"

"I don't remember anything from that time," Cell growled back. "Now, either all of you agree on your representative or I'll annihilate you."

It was then that 18 had a thought. But before she had the time to articulate it, Cell was ordering her around. "You, Bailiff, make sure those clowns are cooperating."

18 nodded and flew toward the Ginyu squad, herding them like cattle through the door where the bailiff usually stood, and to a small room down the hallway to meet in private.

"Make this quick, you understand?"

All of them nodded without peeling their eyes off of 18's chest. After minutes of tense negotiations, they agreed that, indeed, 18 was hot. Also, that Jeice would represent them, since he is the most sexorific. Also, orange, which, if Jersey Shore is any indication, people are really fond of nowadays.

"Okay, now that we have that little distraction gone, let's get down to business," Cell droned. "Jeice, tell this court your story."

Jeice began to speak in his grating Australian accent that I'm not going to even try to mimic with text. "Your Honor, my mates and I put a lot of hard work into the most important part of being a member of the Ginyu Force; style! The poses that are part of our identity! And now, they've been stolen by this upstart Saiyan monkey that helped to destroy our team- particularly our captain- in the first place!"

Cell scratched his yellow chin-armor-whatever the fuck, and darted his eyes toward Gohan. "It's your turn, boy."

But Gohan could not speak, for he was too busy shaking in terror and staring at his desk.

"Boy… BOY!"

Gohan snapped to attention and looked over at Cell. "What?"

"Your turn to testify, saiyan! What's the matter with you, anyway?"

"Oh, sorry, it's just… GT flashbacks. I still haven't gotten over my punishment yet."

"Well, get over it now, because I have other things to be doing right now! State your case!"

Gohan thought for a second. "Oh. Well, I guess I was kind of INSPIRED by the Ginyu Force, but I don't even remember what their dances were like."

"Then how were you INSPIRED by them?" 18 butted in.

"…Well, I just remember that they did really silly-ass dances, and I-"

"SILLY?" Jeice blurted with indignant rage. "YOUR dances are the silly ones, Saiyan!"

"Oh, yeah?" Gohan shot back. "Well, I challenge you to a dance-off!"

"You're on!"

Jeice got into dancing position and… was immediately immolated by a ki blast from none other than Cell.

"CELL!" shrieked Android 18. "You can't do that in the middle of a case!"

"Neither can you have dance-off competitions in the middle of the court room." Cell bit the podium with his gavel. "Since the plaintiff has met with an unfortunate accident, I have no choice but to declare this case closed with Gohan as the victor. Court is dismissed."

()()()

Later that night, at the DBZ Court Union, Android 18 was on the phone with a certain large red man. And this red man was unlike the last one she had on the line who got her out of a parking ticket. This one WASN'T Dabura.

"King Yemma, I don't think Cell needs to keep working at this court."

Yemma shifted a little in his seat. "Now, 18, hold on a second. Didn't you just say that about your former boss not too long ago? You've been getting really antsy lately."

"But, sir," 18 intoned, "this is the THIRD plaintiff he's killed!"

TO BE CONTINUED


	47. Cooler VS Vegeta

**Disclaimer: Braggin' Ball Z is produced by Obnoxious Sphere Productions.**

**()()()**

It had been another long day at Uncle Louie's Restaurant, and things were winding down. One of the waiters came out of the kitchen to see Justin, the dish-washer, looking up intently at the television, where a typical DBZ Court case was about to begin.

"Watching that fake court bullshit again, Dish-boy?" The waiter smirked as he pulled up a chair at the same table. More precisely, he picked up a chair off of one of the other tables.

Justin ignored his co-worker's pithy comment, as much as he would have liked to respond. Seems like, as much as he hated this job, he was trying to hold on as much as possible. Must've been a by-product of being hoist by his own petard not long ago in the very same court he was watching right now.

"Why does the judge have to wear such a stupid costume, anyway?"

Justin sighed. "It isn't a costume. Don't you remember at all who that is?"

"Well, I know he's wearing the same outfit Cell wore when Hercule beat him, but I don't know why THIS idiot's wearing it."

The former judge could do nothing more than put his hand over his face and be amazed all over again at how stupid people could be.

()()()

_(Today's Case: Cooler's mad because Vegeta destroyed his property, the Big Gete Star, and thus has decided to sue him. SuperMegaShadow is responsible for this SuperMegaIdea, so, y'know, 10 points for Gryffindor. _

_Plaintiff: Cooler  
_

_Defendant: Vegeta)_

"ORDER!" Cell screamed over the dull roar of the crowded courtroom as he lightly tapped the podium with his gavel. But the pandemonium would not subsist.

18 stood in her usual post, tense with worry, shooting glances at the psychotic android she called her boss. He'd really gone too far today. There was no doubt about it. He'd done some progressively cruel things over the course of these last several court cases, but holding auditions for a fake new spot in DBGT was just going too fucking far with any kind of prank. King Yemma wasn't going to let him get away with this shit.

"LOOOOOOOOK!" Began Cell as the courtroom was finally starting to settle down, "I was just joking! Now get back in your god damn seats so we can get started!"

So, court was once again in session. Cell called in the plaintiff and defendant, who floated to their respective desks.

"Now, as I understand, this is a private property dispute," remarked Cell. "I'm confident that our plaintiff has a logical reason for suing Vegeta over here."

Vegeta scowled. "Cell… don't test my patience. You should know better than that."

Though the bio-android judge didn't show it, he was concerned that pissing Vegeta off anymore would get him into a serious fight, and he was aware that Vegeta had become far more powerful since the Cell Games.

"Cooler, it's time for your testimony."

"Well, Your Honor, my Big Geti Star was destroyed by Goku and Vegeta long ago. It was my pride and joy, and the thing that kept me alive as a smoldering corpse in the vacuum of space. As you are well aware of, my race has a very large survival instinct, but not enough of one to avoid dying if our only means of living is annihilated by two filthy saiyans. I would like to be compensated for these damages, at an amount totaling to two Googolplex in space dollars."

"TWO WHAT?" Vegeta yelled from the other desk. "I'LL KILL YOU RIGHT NOW, YOU LITTLE-"

"Vegeta, you don't even know what a Googolplex is." Cell drawled.

"…No… BUT STILL!"

Cell sighed and turned to look at 18. "Bailiff, find out how much two googolplex in 'space dollars' is in zenie."

"…How?"

"Just do it, 18."

18 stomped her foot and gritted her teeth fiercely, at a boiling point with her absurd boss. "How? Seriously!"

"I don't know, 18, but if you don't leave and do it within the next minute, I'm going to absorb you. Then fire you. NOW GO!"

18 left through the door to her right as fast as she could while still looking dignified. Which is pretty fucking fast. Once out of the court room, she devised the ingenious plan of making up a number and hoping Cell would take it as reasonable.

Meanwhile, back in the actual court, the arguments between Cooler and Vegeta only got more heated.

"The Big Geti Star was my PROPERTY! It was PHYSICALLY ATTACHED to me! Just because I don't have some deed for it, doesn't mean I had absolutely no rights to it! I built it with my own two hands, for shit's sake!" 

"You didn't even have two hands after Kakarot was finished blasting you into the sun, you pathetic joke! Don't try to pretend that hunk of shitty metal you were covered in counted as anything other than a body for you! If you shoot someone, the god damn bullet doesn't become the person's property just because it's in their body! Why don't you think a little bit?"

"That argument makes no sense! A fucking bullet can't be lived in, or keep someone alive!"

Interrupting the hair-splitting argument between saiyan and… erm, Icejin, I believe they are sometimes called, Android 18 stepped back into the court.

"The answer, 18?"

"Two googolplex in space dollars equals… uh, two zenie."

A silence. Then, Cooler stamped his foot. "SHIT! I've been found out! I knew I should have asked for three googolplex!"

Vegeta rolled his eyes. "You don't honestly think I'm going to hand over two zenie are you?"

"…It would probably make it a lot easier for everyone involved." Cell pointed out helpfully. But Vegeta refused to budge.

"Okay, fine. Let's just get the jury to decide this case."

SO THEY DID. The Jury of Demons™ was gone for three minutes before they came back with a decision.

"So?"

"We, the Jury, find the defendant not guilty due to self-defense."

Cell nodded agreeingly. "Very well. Then I sentence Cooler to play in the movie adaption of the fanfic 'What Hell Really Feels Like' with Semi-Perfect Cell."

Cooler gulped and looked behind him, only to see Semi-Perfect Cell winking and licking his lips at him as if he were Android 18. Being treated to this sight, he whimpered.

"CASE DISMISSED!" Bellowed Cell to the sound of a banging gavel.

THE END!


	48. The Plotting

**Disclaimer: Drivin' Ballsy is owned by the Harley Davidson Committee for Fuck Your Helmet Bullshit.**

**()()()**

"What a fucking day," he growled to himself in mid-stretch. Now, at long last, it could be just him and his bed. Relief was imminent.

Justin didn't used to hate his job. He only THOUGHT he hated it while he was working for DBZ Court, but he longed for the old days in a way someone in a sterile nursing home could hope to understand.

So he sat in his recliner and did what he had been doing for the past… well, ever since he'd gotten fired. He tuned into the new live feed provided by a local channel for another riveting episode of DBZ Court.

It was masochistic of him to be doing it, though, because he absolutely despised, and was occasionally shocked by, Cell's performance as judge. He'd relegated the bailiff to being merely a secretary, bullied and sometimes killed about three defendants by now, and even despite all of this, the goddamn guy was still sitting there where he used to be.

Suddenly, there came a knock at the door.

"Who the fuck could be knocking at THIS time of night?" Justin asked out loud, not caring whether the other person could hear him or not. After a small pause, predictably, there was another knock on the door.

"Who is it?" Justin asked in a way not entirely unlike Eddie Murphy in the "Mr. Robinson's Neighborhood" sketch.

The voice on the other end was muffled, but from what Justin could tell, it was female.

Justin's face lit up with deep intrigue. "No… there's no way, that's ridiculous…"

Without warning, the door was busted down, and stuck in mid-kick on the other side of the doorway was none other than Android 18.

"…Or is there?"

"What are you talking about?" Android 18 drawled.

"Uh…" He shrugged, "Nothing. What the fuck are you doing here, anyway?"

18 delayed her response, letting herself into Justin's humble abode. "That's not very nice. I came to talk to you about your job."

"Oh, really? I suppose you're sick as hell of Cell murdering people in the middle of cases? Guess you really fucking regret getting me fired, now, don't you?"

And with that, 18 stomped her foot right through the wooden floor of Justin's living room, glaring at him with an all-too-familiar rage.

"Look, jackass, just because someone worse took over your job, doesn't mean you didn't deserve to get fired."

"For what? Not having threatened to absorb you enough?"

18 backed off a step, trying to lock her anger up, reminding herself over and over what her primary objective was; to get the former Judge his seat back. With some stipulations, of course.

"This is not what I came here to do, Judge."

"Who the fuck is Judge, anyway?" Justin turned dramatically away from the bailiff to stare at the mirror across the room. "I'm not called by that name anymore. I am only 'The Namek'."

"Uh, sir, if you're going to steal someone else's thing, couldn't you at least slightly modify it first?"

"How do you even know about that speech?"

18 groaned again with frustration. She couldn't fucking keep the guy from derailing the conversation. For that matter, it's not like she was doing much to stop it. It was time to put her foot down, figuratively.

"Look, I can't pretend that I ever thought you were a good boss, but Cell is so much worse than you that I'm willing to offer you a second chance because I'm afraid of trying someone else new."

Justin turned again, back to facing her. "Is that like some metaphor for something?"

"Don't change the subject. We need to come up with a good reason to sue Cell like Cell and I did with you so we can get him out of the chair. My plan-"

"A good reason to sue Cell?" Justin scoffed. "18, he's murdered three defendants in the past month without finishing their trial. If that isn't enough to get King Yemma to kick him out of court, nothing is enough."

He paced the floor, arms firmly locked to his sides, hands in pockets. "Face it, 18, you've been had. I tell you what I think, and that's that Cell is-"

He stopped dead in his tracks, face brightening gradually, and not just because 18 turned on the living room light. 18 could see him mouthing words to himself that she couldn't quite make out.

"18, I think I have an idea… and it's just crazy enough to work. But you aren't going to like it very much."

The android bailiff uncrossed her arms and gave him a curious look. It wasn't just what he said, but the tone with which he said it, that lead her to believe that she was really in for it. "What… what did you have in mind, exactly?"

"I'll be honest, I'm almost afraid… no, you know what, let's come up with another idea. The one I had just isn't going to fly with you, I'm sorry."

Leering at Justin, she pondered what he could possibly have had in mind. But, since Justin clearly didn't want to pursue it, she thought it best to just leave it alone.

"I think we should go to the Union Headquarters. It's about time you actually got to see the place anyways."

()()()

A not-so-dim smell of neglect wafted through their noses as they opened the door. It was a small room, with no furniture except some chairs and a desk. The only other thing in it was an air conditioner.

"This little clubhouse of yours is where y'all conspired to unseat me?" Justin snarked. "It seems kind of puny and unofficial looking if you ask me."

"We didn't build it to unseat- you know, never mind." 18 walked in and turned on a light, accompanying the beam of moonlight through the lone window behind the desk to further illuminate the room.

"Now, why did you bring me here again, 18?"

"Just hold on."

18 sat behind the desk and pulled out a single drawer from just under the surface. There was only one item; a manila file with the false evidence from the second Frieza VS Cell case enclosed within.

"18, are you malfunctioning?" Justin asked rudely the second he realized what it was. "Everyone remembers this fucking case. Everyone knows this evidence is false."

"You aren't thinking about this the right way. This case file serves proof that Cell can very easily be defeated if we just use something similar to this."

"Well, then, why didn't you just say from the beginning, 'maybe we should frame Cell'", instead of all this bullshit?"

18 sighed. "Don't pretend you would have gotten it if I hadn't spelled it right out for you."

"I won't pretend, I'll KNOW. Now it's time to stop playing around and get our plan straight. How can we get Cell to look like he's done something so utterly horrible that King Yemma will want him gone forever?"

"Something involving GT," Justin responded with startling immediacy. 18 quickly nodded in agreement. "I think it should also involve Mr. Toriyama, myself."

"I agree," 18 agreed agreeably. "Perhaps we could say that he was trying to negotiate with Mr. Toriyama to write more of King Yemma's character into Dragonball GT."

"That… that's so unspeakably evil!" Justin exclaimed like a gleeful girl. "That is absolutely fantastic! But wait… how are we going to get Mr. Toriyama on board?"

"…Hmm, I'm not sure…"

So the negotiations continued on into the night. The two young go-getters plotted their way through a detailed case, implicating Cell for a crime he didn't commit. Being careful to slick over any hole that appeared in their plan, it felt for the first time in about a month that DBZ Court would return to its true glorious roots as a career vehicle for a mentally-imbalanced pseudo-judge with a cynical streak as long as the grand canyon.

Exactly the way it was meant to be…

()()()

He screamed. He'd been screaming a lot lately. Trying to get these itching desires out of his mind when he stayed up every single night. He would pummel an endless supply of mountains and the sensation proved not to satisfy. Nothing would satisfy him. Nothing could.

Besides absorbing Android 18.

TO BE CONTINUED…


	49. The Chase

**Disclaimer: Drag Queen Ballz is a special brought to you by Bravo and RuPaul. **

**()()()**

The road was long and winding. A "Long and Winding Road", if you will.

18, obviously, was reminded of the old days of driving around with Android 17 not long after being awoken for the final time by Dr. Gero. The scenery wasn't what one would call gorgeous- clusters of ugly canyons that created a picture not unlike where Goku and Vegeta first fought- but she tried to enjoy it.

And it would have been a lot fucking easier were it not for the annoying turd in the driver's seat singing along to god-knows-what.

"Justin… Justiiiin… HEY!"

"WHAT?" Justin screamed back.

"Turn down the music."

"Why? What do you have against jammin' good tunes, exactly?"

"You're an idiot."

Justin pushed his sunglasses to rest on his forehead and narrowed his eyes at the bailiff. "Hey, why can you just enjoy the trip? Roll down a window and stick your head out or something."

"So I'm a dog, that's nice."

"You're too much," Justin chuckled. "Well, when you lighten up, I might turn down the music. Oh hey, look at that sign!"

Indeed, just to the right, a sign said "Now Entering West City."

"WOO! We're finally at a city! We're almost empty, so this is perfect!"

"You are way too excited about this whole thing."

So they entered West City and stopped at the first service station. While Justin pumped, 18 entered the station to pay. The person she saw standing behind the counter filled her with awe.

"Hercule?" 18 blurted, as loud as 18 very well could blurt with her cool, even voice.

Upon seeing the android that nearly made a fool of him so long ago at the World Martial Arts Tournament, Hercule came far closer than any man ever should to shitting in his pants.

"W-w-w-what do you want…?" he asked in a voice that would single-handedly destroy his career if everyone heard it.

18 gave the man a funny look. But Hercule didn't find it very funny. "Why are you working at a gas station?"

"Well, I- uh… I want to help my community."

"Couldn't they have at least found a shirt that fit you?"

"No."

"Whatever. Here's 50 zenie for pump 6."

She handed him the money, and he took a look at it and gave it back. "I'll pay for it."

18 looked rather stunned for a moment. She wouldn't have pinned Hercule down as a generous person… and then she smirked as she remembered that Hercule still owed her several million zenie.

"Tell you what, pube-head…" 18 began, mentally admonishing herself for borrowing an insult from Justin's play-book, "I'll knock a few thousand dollars off of you little fee if you have any information about the whereabouts of… Mr. Toriyama."

Hercule gulped audibly and shook his head. _"She really creeps me out…"_

Flipping her hair back, she muttered, "Thanks anyway" and walked back to the car.

()()()

About three hours later, at the same store, Hercule was proverbially knee-deep in the process of cleaning up the store before his shift ended. The sound of the bell ringing signified that Hercule was going to have to humor a customer five minutes before closing time. There was always one asshole that had to come in and dick around until past store hours.

"Hey."

Suddenly, it felt as if all the blood in Mr. Satan's body had turned to solid ice with jagged edges slicing at his veins from within. "No… NO!"

Cell smiled at the distinct fear- the wonderful, wonderful fear- in Hercule's voice. "Don't I know you from somewhere…?"

Hercule felt as if he couldn't move. Whether it was the creature doing something to his body or his own fear… he couldn't even decide which one sounded worse.

"I'm sure I'll remember later. In the mean time, I was wondering if you could help me out with something."

"W-w-w-what?"

Cell walked around Hercule so he was in his eyesight, an action that caused Hercule to scream and fall to his back from his kneeling position, and knelt down to be at eye-level. He didn't want to miss a single detail.

"AH! Yes… you were at the Cell Games! One of the challengers I made a fool of." The monster chuckled. "Good times indeed. Now, would you happen to have seen an Android 18?"

Mr. Satan found himself struggling all at once with his conscience. _"Maybe if I tell him, he'll let me live. But… what kind of man would I be if I did that…? At least I wouldn't have to pay my debt. How could I get myself caught up in all this again? No! I can't!"_

"I… don't know where she is."

Cell's grin got a little wider. "But you know her?"

"N-no!" And he raised his hands defensively.

"You knew she was female."

Mr. Satan had nothing to respond with.

"Oh, well. I'll find her without your help. In the mean time, I wanted to have a little dialogue with you about your… victory over me at the Cell Games. Remember?"

()()()

The next morning, Justin slept in the backseat and 18 drove. It had been a long, loud day in West City yesterday, making 18's lack of need for sleep all the more convenient. Not to mention, since the boss was snoozing away in the back, 18 could finally have some peace and quiet. And she would use it to think.

But one can run out of things to think about after a while. She'd already covered everything, with still so much more driving left to do.

"_What's on the radio…?" _18 pushed the button and the nightmare started.

"For those of you just tuning in, the World Champion, Hercule Satan, has been found dead in a convenience store in West City-"

18 skidded the car to a halt on the side of the road, jarring Justin out of a peaceful rest. "What the fu-!"

"SHUT UP!"

18 shocked Justin with her intensity and was ready to give the android a piece of his mind, until the horror caught his ears as well.

"…There are no details as of yet to the cause of death, but reports have lately been coming in that indicate that Cell, the monster Hercule defeated at the Cell Games over a decade ago, has been sighted in and around West City. While these reports are still unsubstantiated, they have caused a shiver of panic throughout the world. This reporter can only hope that they are hysterical rumors. More on this as it develops."

And with that, 18, unable to control her sudden flare of rage and terror, ripped the steering wheel out of the car they rented. "He's coming for me."

Not done with her fit, she opened the car door- or rather, tore it off its hinges- and stepped onto the open road.

"I should have known I'd have to deal with this again when I first saw him in court. But no. I had to not only keep watching the trials; I had to apply for the bailiff job too. If I'd just stayed home with Marron, none of this would be happening to me. FUCK!" And with that, she stomped through the pavement. "This whole thing is… just…"

Her monologue was stopped short with the sound of Justin stepping out of the car. "18, I just realized; I bet Goku, Gohan or Vegeta will stop Cell before he can get to you."

The realization brightened Android 18's eyes. "Of course! Why didn't I think of that? Or, better yet, why did YOU think of it before ME?"

The ex-judge smirked, unable to hide his satisfaction. "I have my ways. If I'm not the best guy for the job, I'm at least the most knowledgeable. Now, what do you intend to do about the steering wheel you just broke?"

()()()

"God damn it, quit doing that!"

"I'm sorry! You know how those pit stop burritos are!"

18 wished that the smelly Justin were off her back. Literally. They had been like this for about two hours, Justin riding 18's back like she was some sort of flying pony, and after the fifth burrito-fart courtesy of everyone's favorite judge, 18 felt as if she had more than repaid her due. "Are you telling me you can't walk, at least for a little bit?"

"18, we're nearly to the next town. It'll be over a lot quicker if you just grit your teeth and get it over with."

"The way you worded that doesn't make it sound any less awful."

"You'll see. We're going to find Mr. Toriyama, get his support as a witness for our case, and Cell won't even know what the fuck hit him."

()()()

"Vegeta, do you sense anything."

"*scoff* Obviously not."

Goku looked at the ground ineffectually, searching for the newly-remonstered Perfect Cell. But it appeared as if he had fallen back into the old trick of hiding his power level to look for Android 18. Of course, the only thing Goku and Vegeta knew was that he had killed Goku's son's wife's father.

"Agh! This is absurd! Kakarot, we're not going to get anything done by floating around all day and expecting Cell to just show up!"

Goku sighed. "Vegeta, we're near West City. If his power level hasn't flared, it probably means he hasn't gotten far. Otherwise we would have sensed him."

"So? He could have gone any direction away from West City- LOOK!"

Vegeta pointed behind Goku, at a certain two blondes floating uneasily away from West City.

"Hey, it's… JUSTIN!" Goku shouted. "And Android 18's with him!"

Vegeta wasn't as excited about it as Goku, but seeing the former judge riding on 18's back… well, it intrigued him, to say the least. He, with Goku, floated over to meet them.

"What the hell's going on with you two?" asked Vegeta.

18 groaned. "I really don't feel like answering questions right now."

"I'll bet you don't."

Goku butted in at this point. "Say, how have you been?"

Justin shrugged. "Okay, I guess. Other than being kicked out of my job and all. Did you ever find the ramen guy?"

Goku answered while Vegeta's mouth twitched, threatening a wicked smile. "No, I sure haven't. I haven't really looked around lately, though."

"Too bad. Anyway, I guess you guys are looking for Cell, so I'm just going to tell you right now; I think he's after her." Justin then pointed down to the beleaguered android on whose back he still resided.

"What?" Vegeta snapped with his trademark loud-assed voice, before appearing right in Justin's face, an act which put Android 18 in the not-too-envied position of having a face full of Vegeta-crotch. "But that's impossible! He's already complete! What's he hoping to become by absorbing that android? SUPER-Perfect?"

"Uh… not quite, but really close. Actually, I don't know. Look, the point is, we're looking around for Mr. Toriyama's house. Would any of you guys happen to know where it's at?"

"Gosh. I have no idea, but I bet I could use instant transmission to get you there."

Justin nearly fell off of Android 18 with excitement, depriving 18 of what surely would have been tremendous relief. "That's right! You can get us there because you know what he looks like! Awesome, I've always wondered what instant transmission felt like!"

Goku laughed and scratched the back of his head. "Well, it feels like nothing, really. But here, I'll go ahead and do it right now."

Justin reached out to grab Goku's hand, and almost immediately they were transported to-

"Where the fuck are we?" Justin blurted. "I can't see a god damn thing!"

"This is where Mr. Toriyama's supposed to be… strange."

Goku, 18 and Justin had been transported to a dark cave in an unknown location. The first thing notable about it, besides the total lack of light, was the tight, secluded feeling. The trio wandered about for a few seconds, and concluded that they were in a room of some sort, with the only way out being a hole in the ceiling.

Justin pouted and whined, using his two most prominent traits at the same time. Two bad tastes that taste like shit together, if you will. "Well, what now? Mr. Toriyama can't possibly be here; it's a fucking cave! And he would have heard us by now!"

"Quit bitching! No one here is in the mood to listen to any of that!"

"Shut up, 18, this is all your fault to begin with!"

"Why you-"

"I KNOW!" Goku's revelation damn near startled the life out of Justin and 18. Then the two were startled even further as Goku lit the small room single-handedly by turning into a super saiyan.

"I don't know why I didn't think of this before, guys. We should be able to see him now, if he's here."

But he wasn't. At least, not in person. But as the three-person crew circled the room, they realized that whoever found it and decorated it must really, reeeeally like Akira Toriyama. Because, holy shit, his visage covered nearly every last square inch of wall in the place.

"I have a very uncomfortable feeling about this place," 18 muttered.

"Fuck… how many pictures of this guy can there possibly be?"

"NOT ENOUGH!" Bellowed a voice from deep inside of the tunnel in the ceiling. Goku floated up and stuck his head through the hole. "Who's there? Does Mr. Toriyama live here?"

"…Goku? Is that you? I'm coming down!"

The super saiyan ducked out of the way just in time. A short, bald man wearing only a loincloth and copious hair everywhere on his body landed harshly on the stone floor, ass first.

"MY GOD, IT IS YOU!" He jumped to his feet and came at Goku with such vigor that Goku was dangerously close to mistaking it for ferocity and punching the man in defense. Upon being hugged by the greasy fellow, Goku nearly wished that he HAD just punched him.

"The savior of Earth! Akira's most revered creation! You've come to the world of the real at long last!"

Justin and 18, at this point, had taken a backseat to the freak show that was ensuing. Goku, incapable of getting more than a few words in edgewise, was taken on a sort of tour around the room, introduced one-by-one to the insanely detailed shrine in the cave.

"Okay, that's it." Justin growled after about twenty minutes of bullshit. "Hey, pal, I'm stopping the tour early. The three of us are looking for the REAL Mr. Toriyama."

The man in the loincloth shot Justin a dirty look. "I'll get to him in a second. But first, I have to show Goku the rest of my Tribute Room."

18 butted in. And by "butted in", I mean "aimed a blast at loincloth man."

"Listen, you freak, we need to talk to Mr. Toriyama RIGHT NOW. I didn't come all this way just to grind to a halt because some insane shit-head kidnapped the only man alive who can help our case against Cell. So you either bring him out or I'll wipe you off the planet."

Goku turned and gave 18 a serious look. "18, don't do anything hasty. We don't even know for sure if Mr. Toriyama's been kidnapped. Maybe he's just living here with this guy."

"That's fucking ridiculous! Why would he be living in a cave with THIS guy?"

As if on cue, none other than Akira Toriyama himself fell out of the hole in the ceiling, landing feet first on the ground with a box of Chinese take-out in his hand. "Oh. Hey, you guys."

18's blast disintegrated in her hand. "We've been looking for you for days. We need your help."

"Uh… well, what do you need help with?"

Justin mused to himself, "I'm not sure whether to ask this guy the plethora of questions that are floating around in my head right now or tell him our situation."

"Don't worry about it," shot 18 at Justin. Satisfied by Justin's shrug in response, 18 turned again to address Mr. Toriyama. "Listen, we're in a lot of trouble. Justin's replacement as judge, Cell, has returned to his old evil ways. He's been killing defendants, attacking cities and now he's trying to absorb me AGAIN."

"That's… pretty much what I wrote him to do." Toriyama noted as he munched on his noodles. "In fact, I'm rather surprised that he tamed down enough to hold a job as a bailiff for several weeks, much less be a judge for any period of time."

"…Whatever. Look, can you help us any?"

"Well, I'm not sure exactly what you want me to do."

Justin butted in. "Well, I want my job back, and Cell has it. 18 and myself want to bring a suit against Cell, and since you're so respected at DBZ Court, having you on our side would be a major advantage."

The bald guy in a loincloth was none too happy to hear about this. "Mr. Toriyama, surely you won't leave again!"

Akira smiled and patted the man on the head. "It'll take no time, trust me. This is the last time. That's a promise."

Justin couldn't take the curiosity anymore. "I can't resist asking anymore; how do you two know each other?"

Toriyama shrugged. "We're good friends. Both of us are comic enthusiasts and we've known each other several years by now. Anyway, are we ready to go?"

"Yes. Very much so." 18 droned.

()()()

"Damn you, Vegeta!"

It was like the battle between Super Vegeta and Semi-Perfect Cell all over again. Vegeta, only powered up to first-stage Super Saiyan, was making the perfect android look humiliatingly inadequate in his usual smirking Vegeta style. "Still think you can force me to tell you where that android is?"

"I am GOING to get that android, Vegeta, with or without your permission! And when I do, I'll do much more than merely knock you unconscious!"

As Cell was preparing for another assault in vein, right between the two warriors appeared Goku, 18 and Justin, with Mr. Toriyama right in tow.

"Hmph. It's a good thing you showed up when you did, Kakarot. It was beginning to get boring to toy with this inferior cretin."

Goku smiled. "Good job finding Cell. It must have been hard to search for such a low power signal."

Cell growled, inwardly beginning to realize that he was severely out-matched. Then he spotted 18, with Justin hanging onto her hand, dangling.

"Tell you what; you beat me in court, and I'll destroy myself. If I win, you have to give me 18."

And in that moment, before anyone else could react, Justin spotted his chance and took it. "I'll see you in court, motherfucker."

()()()

_(Final Case: 18 and Justin are suing newly-appointed judge Cell for abusing his powers._

_Plaintiff: Justin and 18_

_Defendant: Cell)_

_TO BE CONTINUED…_


	50. Justin and Android 18 VS Cell

**Disclaimer: For the LAST TIME, I DO NOT OWN DRAGONBALL Z. FUCK.**

()()()

_One week later…_

Even for DBZ Court, the amount of people packed into the courtroom was highly unusual. It seems like everybody had caught wind of how monumental this trial was going to be.

What most people besides the behind-the-scenes folks didn't know is that DBZ Court had grown to become more and more popular among the denizens of the Dragonball Z canon. Saiyans, humans and namekians alike had gradually turned to the court as a way to settle disputes amongst themselves. It was a place where people could air their grievances and maybe get some justice in return.

However, Cell taking over as judge sort of changed the game. The court was still popular, but it was becoming more and more evident that the trials were no longer being decided by a jury of their peers, but by the judge himself. Cell, being one of the most powerful characters in the entire show, and having the backing of King Yemma himself, was virtually untouchable. Someone like Goku or Vegeta could destroy him easily, yes, but at the cost of their afterlife. It was truly a case of picking one's poison.

Which leads us to today. The whole world waited with bated breath to see the trial unfold. It had been advertised for the last week as the trial of the century. Hyperbole? Only if you wanted your ass kicked.

18, standing just outside the door leading into the courtroom, tapped her foot just barely weak enough to not leave craters in the ground. Momentarily peeking at her wristwatch, she mused over her feeling of amazement that this was the most important trial that had ever been brought to the court, and yet Justin was late. This is what he had wanted all along, a chance to reclaim his job at the court he had played such a large part in creating in the first place. So where the fuck was he?

"I seriously don't believe it," she muttered to herself.

"What don't you believe?"

A chill ran up 18's spine. Cell. Right behind her.

"Looks like your little comrade hasn't made it here. I wonder… if he can save you from me…"

His disgusting breath tickled her ear. It was all 18 had in her to keep any composure. She had no idea if Cell might absorb her at any moment, trial or no trial. "Don't worry about that, Cell. You'll be unemployed before you even know it."

Cell smirked. "It's not the employment I care about anymore. It's you."

After a brief silence overtook them both, Cell walked around to face 18. "Anyway, did you know that Yemma's appointing a new, completely impartial judge to preside over this case?"

"I thought he would. It wouldn't make sense to appoint you or Justin."

"Indeed. I can't help but wonder who it will be."

18 could hardly believe the way Cell could turn on a dime from hideous monster to charming in so little time. It must be Android 17 working in him.

Justin finally walked up to see 18 and Cell glaring at each other. Cell's face was a look of immense hunger and desire. Almost a sexual look. It was enough to creep this judge the fuck out.

"Cell, what the fuck do you think you're doing with my co-plaintiff?" He raged.

Cell looked over at the other judge, frowning for the first time today. "I don't like your tone, little man. It reminds me of all the shitty wasted time I spent working for you. Being your punch line. My humiliation will be avenged after this case. Once I'm done re-absorbing this android…"

Without warning, Cell appeared right in Justin's face, causing him to shriek and fall on the floor. Cell smiled again.

"You'll be the first one I kill. Good luck."

As he left, he waved behind him, in a very Goku-like manner. Justin shook his head rapidly to get himself un-freaked and got up. While he dusted himself off, 18 just rolled her eyes. She would have made some sarcastic comment, but she would have only been a hypocrite. After all, she was probably even more scared than he was up until Cell threatened to kill him.

"Come on," she beckoned, "the case is going to start in a half-hour."

()()()

The room was a dull roar of debate and discussion while the seconds counted down until the beginning of the so-called "Trial of the Century." Questions flew around in the stale, recycled air, looking around desperately for answers and crashing into one another. The podium was empty and the bailiff was missing. Nearly everyone in the court had concluded that neither Cell nor Justin could possibly be presiding over their own trial, so the primary question drowning on everyone's tongue was, "who will the new bailiff be?" The answer was about to be delivered, through the mouth of a young, blue-skinned Yemma intern in a crisp suit with a nervous voice.

"A-attention everyone!" Came the meek shout through the bullhorn. "I am here to a-announce the new bailiff and judge appointed just for this special case."

At that, the whole room fell deathly silent. Hanging on bated breath, every eye in the room glared right through the nervous intern.

"S-s-serving as the new bailiff for the Trial of the Century i-is… Assistant Black."

The court immediately erupted with discussion anew as Assistant Black stepped through the door next to the bailiff's post and relieved the nervous Yemma intern of his increasingly difficult job of standing in front of a room filled with the most powerful beings in the entire universe.

Assistant Black cleared his throat and took the megaphone. "ATTENTION! I, the new surrogate bailiff, will now be announcing the name of the judge-"

Goku stood up, freaking Assistant Black out a little since, hey, that was the kid who killed him several decades ago. "I bet it's Commander Red, isn't it?"

Assistant Black paused. "…Actually, yes. Commander Red is going to be the surrogate judge for the trial of the century. Thanks for bringing all of this court's tension to an anti-climactic end, Goku."

"You're welcome!"

After another handful of seconds, Commander Red walked in with LITTLE fanfare (Short Joke Count: 1) and sat down at the podium- of course, he had to get a running start to even jump high enough to get into the damn thing in the first place. (Short Joke Count: 2).

"Right. Assistant Black, why did you forget to announce me?"

"…I didn't really even see you come in until it was too late." (Short Joke Count: 3)

"You didn't see the damn door open? Oh, whatever. Let's get this business finished so I can go back to walking around on stilts- erm, taking over the world." (Short Joke Count: 4)

"Yes, Commander." Assistant Black cleared his throat and once again lifted the megaphone to his face. "The plaintiffs and defendant may now enter the court!"

There was no pause, no dramatic silence, and no fanfare to speak of. Justin, 18 and Perfect Cell simply entered the courtroom and sat down in their respective areas. Not glaring at each other, not discussing the case amongst themselves (well, technically Cell had no one to discuss it with), they only stared straight ahead, occasionally stealing a quick, curious glance at their opponent.

"Let's see…" Commander Red studied his papers, adjusting his glasses while doing so. "Well, we all know what you two are here for, but it's apparently some ridiculous custom for me to ask what you're here for anyway, so… plaintiffs, why don't you get us started?"

Justin stood up immediately, to 18's dismay, and made an unprepared statement. "We on the plaintiff side are suing my former bailiff, Perfect Cell, for failing to uphold the decency in DBZ Court, and for his use of deadly force on other characters."

"Objection." Cell said in a somewhat bored voice the very second after Justin was finished with the brief testimony. Commander Red nodded. "Very well, Cell. It's your turn, anyway, so go ahead."

Cell didn't bother to stand up. "Justin's testimony is hypocritical and inaccurate. In his very first case, he had one of the characters destroyed by Vegeta, which makes his comment about my conduct in this court unreliable at best. Second, the rules of this court… well, to put it bluntly, they barely exist. It's the JUDGE that makes the rules up as he goes along. For example, near the end of my tenure as Justin's bailiff, he fired a synapse in his little blonde head and decided that I needed to wear clothing, since I was 'naked', even though absolutely nobody had any problem with it beforehand."

Commander Red had been nodding along to his fellow villain's testimony the entire time. It was clear to any observant person that the surrogate presider was being swayed- nay, swept off his feet- by Cell's elegant testimony. Meanwhile, Justin sat in the plaintiff's seat with 18 at his side, picking his nose.

"Okay, well, do either of you have anything else you want to say?" asked Commander Red.

18 stood as soon as Red was finished saying "say." Justin tried and now it was her turn. "Your Honor, my co-plaintiff was referring to the fact that Cell himself has been seen in front of many witnesses murdering plaintiffs or defendants before they were even declared guilty or innocent. When Justin ordered Vegeta to slaughter Android 19, it was indirect and after a guilty verdict had been reached against Android 19. Therefore, his point remains valid."

Red furrowed his brows over the course of 18's rebuttal. Then he once again turned to address Cell, barely avoiding knocking over the stack of precariously balanced books he was sitting on in the process. (Short Joke Count: 5) "And I believe you're going to have a response, Defendant?"

"Quite. Once again, I have to stress that the rules of this court have been absurdly arbitrary since its inception, but there is something that everyone can agree on; this court needs a judge with a sense of consistency. And for the past month, I have been that judge."

Cell stood for the first time since the case started. "This court has been under more control and stronger efficiency since the first case where I presided. The fact is, the Justin court was a disaster for the 25 cases it saw. And this isn't all just my opinion, Your Honor; the record shows it."

"I object!" Justin shouted, pounding his desk for punctuation. "Cell, you're treating this like a fucking political campaign! The only thing that's missing is a flag waving behind you!"

"…You know, that's actually not a bad idea. Commander Red, could you-"

"Damn it, Cell! If you're so confident about this 'record' of yours, let's have a look at it together! This whole court wants to see it!"

The creature glanced over and smiled, continuing to address Commander Red. "See what I'm saying, Red? This kid is disorganized. He doesn't even realize that records can be kept of several crucial aspects of each individual trial-"

"Blah blah! Excuses! I'm not seeing you cough up this evidence of yours."

Cell addressed his former boss at last. "You're not seeing it? Have you considered those papers on your desk?"

"I-" Justin's own retort was cut short with the realization that, no, he hadn't noticed that those papers on the desk hadn't belonged to Android 18 up until that point. 18 could say the same about Justin- believing the papers to be notes of some sort that he took, she left them alone. As it turned out, it was Cell's evidence. Planted right there under their noses the entire time, as if mocking them.

"Those are official records from the office of King Yemma, taken and kept up with by special secretaries that attend every case and mark down everything that happens with almost painful detail. As you may discern before looking at them, a remarkable thing happens as soon as I take over."

Justin was stunned. Cell had compiled the times that it took for each case to be finished per day under both Justin's time as judge with 18 as his bailiff and Cell's own time as judge, and the difference really was astounding. Justin had thought all this time that HE had been quick, but jeez, Cell was leaving him in the dust.

Suddenly, 18 groaned with frustration and once again leapt from her seat.

"This is nonsense, Your Honor! This case isn't about who's been FASTER or more EFFICIENT at the job, it's about the safety and security of every individual that brings a case to this court!"

"Who says I don't have records of that?" Cell, looking smug as shit, inquired. Cue Justin actually finding just such a record among the papers, showing that characters taking court cases were often subjected to various bad things after court cases, compared to Cell dishing out slightly more dignified punishments. SLIGHTLY more dignified.

But this didn't sate Justin for very long when he remembered the real reason they were all there. Cell's face didn't change a bit as Justin, frustrated, flung the file at him.

"This isn't the argument we're making! YOU HAVE KILLED PEOPLE BEFORE THEY COULD PROVE THEIR INNOCENCE!"

Justin's voice had risen to a manic roar. All those weeks of washing dishes, all that pent-up bitterness, had packed itself into his voice and come out as a muscular desperation, a rage over his betrayal.

In other words, the young gentleman was none too happy. And now, neither was Commander Red.

"YOU STIFLE YOURSELF IN MY COURT ROOM, BOY!" He raged right back. "I'll hold you in contempt if I hear another outburst like that, you motherfucker!"

"Don't get short with me, Red, I am in no mood." (Short Joke Count: 6)

Commander Red was fuming. Nobody in his entire adult life had ever so callously pointed out his height disadvantage. "THAT IS IIIT! I AM HAVING YOU AND YOUR ANDROID PUT IN PRISON FOR THE NIGHT! COURT WILL RESUME TOMORROW AT 8AM!"

"Uh, Commander…" Black began.

"WHAT?"

"How do I get them… to a cell?"

Red paused. Black wasn't going to be near strong enough to force Android 18 to stay in a cell. "Defendant! You help Black take care of this."

()()()

"Wonderful," 18 drawled for what seemed like the fiftieth time that night. It may very well have been.

"Look, I told you I'm sorry. He pissed me off."

Justin, sitting on top of a pissy mattress with his head in his hands, was feeling genuine regret for getting his veritable partner-in-crime stuck in such a rut. He'd tried to look on the bright side; that maybe spending the night in prison would give them the privacy they needed to work out a strategy for the next part of the case, but no such luck. 18 was in absolutely no mood.

The cell remained deathly silent for another of many several-minute stretches, until Justin, as usual, took it upon himself to break the silence. "Do you at least want to discuss where we stand in our case so far?"

18 glared at him and let loose a noise that sounded almost like a snarl. "You need ME to tell you how we're doing?"

"Well, it'd help, since you're just as much a part of this as I am."

"We're doing terrible, you ass. You hear me? Terrible. Cell has us against the ropes, he obviously has Commander Red on his side, and this fucking packet of Cell's-" at which point 18 pulled the packet, folded up three times, out of her back pocket- "is full of enough information to make our case indefensible. And don't try to tell me we can find a flaw with it if we both work together or something, because I have plenty of logical algorithms and shit in my head, and this thing is FLAWLESS. So we need to just give up and look into Goku and Vegeta protecting me from Cell again."

"We can't do that, we made a deal in the court. Goku and Vegeta are barred by King Yemma himself from-"

"SO? Fuck King Yemma! Goku and Vegeta are easily strong enough to defy the will of that old tomato anyway! You should start thinking like a villain instead of trying to project some kind of honorable façade after all the stupid bullshit you pulled during your own stint as judge!"

Justin was tempted, in violation of his own personal commitment to pacifism brought on solely by the fact that he's basically living in a world full of other people that could destroy him just by looking at him, to reach across the room and slap the other android. She was just doing nothing more than grinding their inevitable defeat into his face, not caring that there was still at least one more day of deliberation left. Then again, maybe it was hopeless. Maybe he just didn't want to believe it, and was engulfing himself in a haze of ignorant hope to shield his mind from the terror of loss.

"18… you listen to me and you listen good. I don't care about your fucking algorithms, or your plans to hide behind the Saiyans like a coward. This isn't about just you, so if you aren't willing to help, I'll defend this case myself."

18 scoffed. "Yeah, okay. I'd like to see you get by without me."

"You're going to get to, sister, believe me."

"I'm not your sister, and no, I don't believe you."

"Well, believe this; if I fail, like you seem to think I will, then you're fucked. Goku and Vegeta aren't going to give up their afterlife for you. They're going to let Cell absorb you, then fight Cell in his new form. So, look forward to it."

18 sighed. "So what's your plan, anyway?"

"I don't have one yet-"

"-there's a shocker-"

"But I'll have one. All I need is to stop arguing with you so I can think, unless you intend to pull your fucking weight on this case."

"The only weight I've been pulling is you."

Justin stood up. "Fuck you, you smug, good-for-nothing sack of junkyard shit. I hope Cell DOES absorb you, even if I do win. I need a new bailiff anyway, sick of looking at you." And with that, he got back in bed and slept. 18, shockingly, didn't bother to reply.

She had no idea why, but the way in which Justin said that to her made her so much angrier than what he actually said. She had to hand it to him- he had a real knack for using just the right tone of voice to piss someone off.

…So there Android 18 was, stuck for the night with nothing to do except watch her old boss sleeping. It was stunning how he could go to bed after getting that riled up. What she didn't realize was that he wasn't asleep; and he probably wouldn't go to sleep for another few hours at least. He was thinking of ways to win. Or at least dig himself out of his hole enough to where he could be seen anymore.

Before 18 could get any more bored, she looked over to her left and saw the shadow of a familiar figure slowly coming down the hallway toward the cell. The figure soon came within eyesight of the android. It was…

"Goku!" 18 gasped.

()()()

The next morning, Justin awoke to an empty cell with one of the bars apparently melted away. He couldn't say that he'd stayed shocked for long; he'd lost his head and said some things he didn't mean to say. That's just what happens when enough of his buttons are pressed. How could she blame him after all the doubt and scorn she cast upon him? Was she not the one who came to Justin and offered to help him get his old job back? Could she really be just giving up after this one setback? Then again, the wager has gotten a lot bigger…

The sound of a door being opened and shut cut Justin's train of thought off. A guard with a key had come to escort him from his cell.

"What the hell happened here?" The guard shouted at Justin. "Where's that woman you were thrown in here with?"

Justin was in one of his more smart-ass, confrontational moods for some reason. He decided to drag this out a little. "Let's assess our two problems here, shall we? Now, what is the first one?"

The guard, taken aback completely by Justin's casual demeanor, growled, "The fact that there's a missing prisoner."

"Very good. Now, what is our other problem? I'll give you a hint; it was probably the very first one you noticed."

"Don't jerk me around, kid. One of these fucking bars is melted, and-"

"Well, it would seem like the other prisoner melted the bar with her SUPERPOWERS and made a clean get-away, now wouldn't it?"

The guard just scoffed. "You kids these days. I can't let you out of here until I know where that other prisoner is."

"Then you'd better get ready to install a shower and a toilet in here, because I don't have a clue where she is and I'm pretty sure she isn't going to willingly come back."

During Justin's little speech, Assistant Black and Chiaotzu had wandered onto the scene. "Why haven't you released our prisoners yet?"

"One of them is missing. I can't just-"

"Well, just give us what you have, then. We should have told you before that you were harboring a super-powered individual."

The guard paused for a second to examine Assistant Black's face for any hint whatsoever of sarcasm. "…Are… you trying to be serious with this super-power shit?"

Black pursed his lips. The man had been in hell so long, he'd forgotten the fact that most living beings weren't aware of the existence of world-destroying warriors. "My apologies. Allow my little friend here to demonstrate what I was saying."

Chiaotzu nodded in the affirmative and looked over at the bars, particularly the one that had been melted. Using a little bit of power, Chiaotzu melted a few more inches off of the bar using the tip of his finger, then looked back up expectantly at the guard. The guard stood with his arms crossed, a completely blank expression fixated on Chiaotzu. And then he fainted away, hitting the floor with a soft thud.

"Oh, dear!" Chiaotzu squeaked while Assistant Black scoffed and rolled his eyes at the guard's feebleness. Justin, meanwhile, exited the cell through the recently-enlarged gap in the bars and looked at Assistant Black with a face that said, "Let's blow this joint."

And Assistant Black looked back at him with a face that said, "Okay, but can we stop at a McDonald's or something first, I'm kinda hungry."

()()()

Commander Red jolted the entire courtroom out of a sleepy silence with a sharp pounding of his fists on the podium. "God damn fucking Christ-hell, WHERE are Justin, 18, Black and Chiaotzu?"

Cell had to hold back a gut laugh every time it became clear that Commander Red had just gotten a little more frustrated. This case was officially in the bag. Even if Red believed that Cell was completely guilty, having the plaintiffs not showing up 40 minutes into the case was no way to build goodwill.

At long last, those big, wooden double doors swung open. Assistant Black came in first, of course, so he could introduce the plaintiff and the already-seated defendant. Justin and Chiaotzu waited by the door.

"If it's any consolation, sir, the new jury is made up of saibamen," Chiaotzu whispered. "Saibamen are really easy to convince if you do the right stuff."

The ex-judge nodded. "I'll keep that in mind."

Meanwhile, in the courtroom, Assistant Black was taking a giant ass-eating (eww, not literally) from the Commander. The whole room was privy to the tiff, of course, which only served to humiliate the man.

"What was the thing I asked you to do, _bailiff_?"

"Bring Justin and Chiaotzu to court…"

"And…?"

Assistant Black sighed. "The other plaintiff escaped. We don't know where Android 18 is, and we probably won't know until she comes back since nobody can sense her power level."

This news quickly gained Cell's attention, and he made sure everybody else in the courtroom knew it by slamming his fist against his desk, reducing it to a cloud of ash. "That coward! She knows she's going to lose!"

Commander Red gritted his teeth and cleared out his throat. "Okay, we need volunteers! Who wants to hunt down 18 and bring her to court?"

Pause. Then Nappa stood up.

"Nappa, we need somebody stronger than 18. Your power level isn't even five-figure. Why did you stand up, anyway?"

"She's prettyyyy…" Nappa said in a voice one might give Lenny from "Of Mice and Men."

Red scowled. "So there's NO ONE at all who's willing to go after 18 and strong enough to do it?"

This time, after another brief pause, Krillin and Gohan stood. "We'll go," Krillin said in a deadly serious voice. "I wasn't sure at first if I could find her, but with Gohan's help I should be okay."

"Are you scared of your own wife, short-stop?" Commander Red, who is now the largest source of irony in the world, chuckled. (Short Joke Count: 7)

"Well, yeah, a little-"

"Never mind. We're already running late. Just go after her."

Krillin and Gohan left. Red turned back to Assistant Black. "We'll discuss your tardiness later. Plaintiff, enter!"

The nanosecond after Red uttered that last word, Justin used both hands and burst the double doors open, doing a jaunty little walk as they slowly shut behind him. Smirking confidently and defiantly, his ass soon planted itself firmly to the plaintiff's chair. "Good morning, y'all."

"Whatever. Let's pick up where we left off yesterday, shall we? You, plaintiff, were stating that Cell is unfit for his seat due to his supposed killings of plaintiffs and defendants during their own trials. The defendant, meanwhile, was providing evidence to the contrary. Is there anything you would like to start off with, Justin?"

"You bet your sweet bippy, Your Honor." Justin smiled. "You see, I was judge in this court for over 40 cases. With this sort of knowledge and direct experience, I know what needs to be done. I may just be a simple fan of this universe, and I'll always hold that title with pride, but there's some thinking I've been doing."

Justin, with that last statement, stood from his chair and began to pace in front of the room. "I believe there are a myriad of reasons why I am more qualified for this job than Cell. I also believe that there are certain things he has done in that seat-" He pointed his thumb casually toward the podium where Commander Red sat, bewildered, "-that are illegal. But let's start with some background."

All eyes were on the plaintiff. It seemed like the frustrated, disorganized version they saw yesterday was a thing of the past. That time in jail seemed to be all the young man needed to pull together an eloquent offense. "When I first started this court, I had the support of King Yemma himself, and thus I was given special access to those who had died. All of the conflicts, loose ends, and rivalries were going to finally be given a chance to tie themselves up in a court headed by an impartial… well, MOSTLY impartial judge, and a jury of their peers. Or enemies. Depends on who we're talking about here."

At this point, Commander Red banged his gavel. "Plaintiff, is this little testimony of yours going to resolve itself anytime soon or what? The defendant needs a little chance of his own to speak up."

"Let him go." Cell said bluntly. "Give him as much time as he needs. I'll be the one to interrupt him when it is necessary."

Commander Red was stunned a little by Cell's passiveness towards his former boss, but he didn't argue, just nodded and motioned for the plaintiff to continue.

"Thank you. As I was saying, this court was established with the simple goal of ending conflict. Which is why there is a serious problem with allowing Cell to continue his stint as judge; he is part of the conflict, and therefore cannot be impartial."

Predictably, Cell did not take this comment sitting down. Well, actually he did, but he still didn't really take it. "I object to the plaintiff's last claim on the basis that it is discriminatory."

Commander Red immediately allowed the objection.

"Ladies and gentlemen of the court, I implore you to seek out the subtext not so carefully hidden in this plaintiff's words. There is a subtle prejudice towards us all in this courtroom that only an outsider such as this could be capable of."

Justin stood in complete awe at Cell's claim. Nothing Cell said to him over the past two days offended him more than that. He'd been a fan of these characters for over half of his life!

"Th-that is so bullshitty!" Justin stammered, fists of rage clenching the notes in his pockets that he'd spent all night memorizing. "Your Honor, you have to understand the relationship I've had with this show since I was a little boy! I wouldn't dream of being prejudiced or anything toward-"

"You forgot to say 'objection', blondie." Commander Red deadpanned. "Cell, continue please."

The android made that smirking face again. The one that Justin hadn't seen him use the entire time he was bailiff, but the one he used all the time during the Cell Games. That look a cat has when it's cornered a mouse and wants to play with it a little before clenching its kill.

"The plaintiff has had a nerve struck it seems," began Cell. "Eerie, is it not? Almost as if I've seen right through him."

Justin had never felt so helpless.

"Allow me to demonstrate why I am innocent of these allegations once and for all. First, let there be no doubt that I have been more strict a judge than the plaintiff. This is truth; but I have not killed anyone-"

"OBJECTION!"

The declaration didn't come from the plaintiff. Nor did it come from the bailiff or the surrogate judge. Commander Red sat unsteadily, scouring the courtroom for the voice that screamed the objection.

Suddenly, a wild Android 18 appeared! The double doors had opened, revealing not only the android, but Goku and Vegeta as well. 18 herself carried a very serious looking manila envelope, and a very serious look of triumph. "I have everything I need right here to implicate the defendant. Allow me to testify."

Red couldn't figure out what to do. On one hand, he was being paid by King Yemma himself to uphold the rules of the court… and help keep Cell in his seat, more importantly. But on the other hand, Vegeta. There was Vegeta, right there, and he was scowling, possibly with rage at Red himself, and that was not something desirable for anyone. So, after a small period of inner-deliberation (Short Joke Count: 8), Red nodded in agreement. "I will allow you to testify."

"No!" Cell snapped. "She cannot participate, you fool!"

"Think again, Cell." Said a low, rumbling voice from right behind Cell. Almost too afraid to confirm his worst fear, Cell turned to look over at the entrance where Android 18 was. Sure enough, Vegeta was no longer standing next to her. He was standing right behind Cell, effectively holding him hostage, and there was nothing anyone on his side could do about it. Probably not even King Yemma himself. Cell gave Commander Red one last desperate glance, but Red just shrugged in response.

"I… I withdraw my own objection." Cell said meekly before sitting back down. 18 took that as her cue to make her way to the front of the room, looking tersely at Justin as she passed him by, caring only that if he loses, she'll die.

"I have, in this envelope," and she opened the envelope, revealing no papers, "only one object- a USB drive. A very small detail I failed to ever notice in my several years of being an android was that Dr. Gero installed a flash drive with infinite memory in my head that was constantly recording my life from my perspective since Dr. Gero woke me up minutes before his murder at the hands of my brother."

Cell was deeply, deeply shocked. Dr. Gero was supposed to have installed all of the detailed information regarding both of the androids into his memory. But nothing came to mind about a USB drive. It was all he could do to keep an outward cool. He felt nauseous. Not unlike the time he was forced to vomit out Android 18, coincidentally enough. He knew then that he would have to change his defense somehow. Whatever footage 18 was going to show the court, it would be a massive game-changer.

"Bailiff Black," 18 summoned, "there is a projector and a laptop in the room behind you. Would you be kind enough to get it for me?"

Black turned to Red (much like blood, or something I dunno fuck make up your own metaphor I'm not getting paid to write this shit) and Red nodded in the affirmative. Red was working for Cell, there was not a doubt in his mind about that, but that fact is best concealed with all of his abilities if he doesn't want to get punished or have to do the trial over again or something.

Upon the projector's entrance into the courtroom, 18 plugged the USB drive into the laptop that was hooked into the projector… and the laptop immediately exploded into a shower of scalding-hot debris. 18 shielded Justin from the explosion while Cell made sure the not-so-impartial judge and bailiff weren't hurt from it.

"The FUCK, 18?" Red screamed. "WHAT FUCKIN' HAPPENED?"

18 put her hand to her chin and looked at the smoldering post-explosion chunks of the laptop that remained. "I guess that one data file on the USB drive was a little too big. I was afraid of that."

Cell nearly busted a gut laughing. He laughed so hard that it genuinely frightened everyone in the courtroom to varying degrees. Even the cold, vicious saiyan that still stood at the defendant's desk where Cell was once standing was disturbed at Cell's uncharacteristic howling.

"You… you imbecile!" Cell choked between high-pitched giggle fits. "Did you really think Dr. Gero was going to let you play that on an ordinary computer? Did you really think a file that large would do you any good?"

Justin, at that point, had realized that this court, for all of the silly things that had happened in it up to that point, had never seemed like more of a circus. He looked around in amazement. All the old, familiar walls seemed so new. He started laughing too, unable to stop himself in the situation.

Soon, most everyone in the courtroom except for 18, Red and Black were cracking up at the culmination of so much tension and drama being nothing more than an exploded laptop. It was like the world's most climactic anti-climax. Just when 18 was getting ready to scream for everyone to shut up, she happened to look down near where she was standing… and saw the USB drive, completely intact save for a little black burn-spot.

18 picked it up immediately to look for any additional damage. But it was near-perfectly intact. Triumphantly, she held the drive up for everyone to see it, and slowly the laughter died down as more and more people began to take notice of it.

"How?" Cell snapped.

"You know, I wonder the same thing," smirked 18. "You're just one good computer away from losing this case, Cell."

"I've… kind of lost my place in this case, haven't I?" Justin mused outwardly. 18 ignored him, because he had indeed lost his place in the case.

"Since the girl is taking over from where you failed, ex-judge, perhaps you'd like to find a better computer on which to play that USB drive." Bailiff Black suggested, all the while with an increasingly angry Commander Red glaring him down from the podium.

"I'm sorry, did we switch places, Mr. Black?" Commander Red snarled. Before they could get into a big, dumb argument, another explosion happened in the middle of the room.

"What the…?" Justin muttered with his arm covering his face. "The fuck is going on here?"

The dust cleared from what turned out not to be an explosion, but instead a capsule opening. A computer was revealed from the cloud.

"Where did that come from?" Cell raged. Cue the shaking of the ground.

"This shit just keeps getting weirder and weirder!" screamed Bailiff Black, who promptly lost his balance and fell to the floor as the shaking became gradually more violent.

Just when it seemed like the whole court was going to collapse on top of everyone, the ground became still again.

Justin sighed. "I think that was just a tremor or some- AAAAH!"

The loud noise of the roof being torn off of the court came out of seemingly nowhere. But it wasn't a Nowhere! It was a Nowhere LOBSTER!

…Erm, I mean, it was King Yemma.

"King Yemma?" screamed Cell, Red and Black at the same time. Justin and 18 were too stunned/afraid to even react outwardly to what they were seeing.

"Cell," King Yemma began, "is there really something on this USB drive that I should know about?"

Cell didn't answer. Blood was seeping out of his palms because of how deep he had clenched his nails into them. His teeth were grinding.

"Use this computer that I have transported into this courtroom to play that data. It's strong enough; after all, it's my own personal work computer."

18 complied, and the file slowly downloaded itself. No one else in the room could see the detailed information of the file. It appeared to 18 as if it was noticeably shorter than it should be for a file with years upon years of footage. What this actually meant was uncertain.

Commander Red, Assistant Black and Perfect Cell. Justin and Android 18. Everyone held his or her breath for this, the final hoorah of the longest case DBZ Court had ever done. The play logo appeared in WMM. But it was never to be played.

"MMPH!"

A heavily muffled grunt, followed by a scream of horror, interrupted the silence. Cell's tail had, with speed not even Goku and Vegeta were expecting, extended, expanded and engulfed his target, Android 18. Meanwhile, a massive green force field started from just outside Cell's body and got larger, pushing everyone in the courtroom backwards, and soon the entire courtroom itself was destroyed.

"NOO!" Trunks screamed on instinct. Vegeta and Goku powered up to their respective maximums and attempted to penetrate Cell's green dome (whoops, I forgot I wasn't writing DBZ Pairings of the Apocalypse for a second there), but even Super Saiyan 3 couldn't break through. Cell's force field was designed to be impenetrable as he did his work, digesting our helpless android hero.

"Wow. Kind of rendered the last couple of days pointless, didn't he?" Justin said to Red, who was being carried with Justin by Tien.

"Shut up! What the hell are we going to do now?"

"How can I answer that question if you just told me to shut up?"

Tien snapped. "This is not the time, both of you!"

Cell's transformation had ended with short time. The people of the formerly intact courtroom stood or hovered in shock at what Cell had become. Many had to shield their eyes. Others who had flown in close to inspect the new Cell had to hover above the ever-widening puddle of blood and bile that was accumulating.

The once-sleek bio-android had morphed into a pile of gore and writhing limbs with no discernable form. It had no ability to make noise, for it had no mouth. If it did, it would scream. And yes, I totally stole that from a book, shut up. The thing constantly convulsed and flagellated, while its various shades and hues of green and yellow increasingly lubricated themselves with more blood. Erupting pustules and sores formed like bubbles on its surface, spraying a thick gel of blood and other un-nameable terrors. To call the malformed blob "Cell" didn't feel accurate. "It" was more accurate.

"Holy shit! Is there a Dr. Gero in the house?" screamed Justin.

"Yes." Dr. Gero said from a few feet away. He walked over without another word and, completely ignoring the blood and other gooey shit that was all over the floor, knelt down and took a close look at his once-perfect being. "Shit's fucked."

"We couldn't tell," said Vegeta with dripping sarcasm. "Why is shit fucked?"

"It seems as if his body was unable to process more than one android, as I expected."

"You EXPECTED?" screamed Red. "THEN WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL SOMEONE WHAT WOULD HAPPEN?"

Gero looked over at Red and shrugged. "I wanted to see what would happen exactly. I didn't think an opportunity like this would ever arise again."

"Wait. If you wanted to see what would happen if Cell absorbed one of the androids twice, why didn't you just let him absorb your second Android 17 from Hell?"

Gero narrowed his eyes at Justin. "That never happened, boy." Justin immediately shut up.

The courtroom went deathly silent. "So, is this case closed or what?" Assistant Black asked no one in particular.

Justin nodded. "Yeah. I'd say that about wraps it up."

()()()

_Four days later…_

Justin was snoozing in his house, like he had been doing since he quit his old dishwashing job about twelve hours before. He hadn't been sleeping all that well since the last court case. King Yemma had decided in the wake of Cell's re-death, that Justin would re-claim his spot as judge. But Justin wanted time to think about it, which was fine with Yemma, since it would take a little while to rebuild the court. Upon asking why it couldn't just be rebuilt immediately using the strongest people in the world, Yemma only said, "Bureaucracy, man."

He was rudely jostled out of his sleep by a firm knock on the door. Something told him it was probably 18, who had the Namekian dragon balls to thank for resurrecting her yesterday. Something else told him to answer. Specifically, 18's call to "answer the damn door" told him to answer. So he threw on some old clothes, straight from the floor itself, and obliged his bailiff.

"Ready for the funeral?" 18 asked rhetorically, knowing damn well he wasn't just from looking at him.

"Can I put on some decent clothes?"

"Whatever."

Justin took that as his cue to run to his room, grab some fresh shit to wear, and rocket right back.

"Okay, let's get going. I'll drive." 18 said. Her car was parked directly ahead, but she paused halfway there. "Wait."

"What?"

18 stared at the sky. Justin couldn't see, but she was smiling. "I have something I want to tell you. I think you'll be surprised."

The judge was confounded. Was she about to tell him something personal? Something good? Bad? Justin circled around the still 18 until he was making eye contact with her, looking for a hint in her biomechanical sight orbs. MAN, sight orbs! How do I come up with this shit? Erm, I mean, yeah. Things were happening.

"What's up?" Justin prodded. 18 reached into the pocket of her pants and pulled out the same USB drive she presented as court evidence half a week ago.

"This doesn't have anything on it at all." 18 admitted somewhat sheepishly, expecting Justin to be shocked and angered, for good reason, because he was. Well, more shocked than angered, perhaps, but he could feel the anger coming.

"Wha- But… what about the laptop that ex-"

"I did that. I'm amazed no one else saw it, but I blew up the laptop with my own power to stall for time until Cell gave up or went insane. I knew if I could get him to lose his head, he'd try to attack me and Goku or Vegeta could step in. What I didn't expect was… ugh…"

Justin and 18 stood on the walkway in his front yard for what felt like 60 seconds, but was in fact a full minute. "That was a ballsy move, 18. Pretty risky, too, but probably our best chance."

"You're not pissed off?"

"I was a little when you first told me. But, thinking about it, it was probably the best chance we had. I can put on a play of false confidence like a motherfucker, but I was flailing up there. If you hadn't interfered when you did, I would have lost."

18 nodded. "I felt like I owed you a favor after the fight the night before."

"Shit!" Justin scoffed. "I'm the one that should have done something for you! All that shit I said, I didn't mean. I just said it to bring you down."

18 didn't show it, but she felt strangely happy to hear him say that. She still thought he was kind of a moron, but he had a sort of magnetic, charismatic quality that made him endearing. Maybe she'd even learn to like the guy as she worked with him in the future. "Oh, shit, we'd better go. Cell's funeral is about to start."

()()()

"Remind me again why we're even here," grumbled 18. "I mean, the guy was a psychopath who tried to absorb you."

"Maybe he was in his last few days, but we're not here to mourn THAT Cell's death." He said back solemnly. "The Cell I worked with was worth mourning. Besides, I think the other Cell suffered enough after absorbing you that his crimes have been paid."

18 wasn't going to argue at a funeral, especially not one with every other DBZ character in attendance, but she couldn't agree less with her boss. He deserved to suffer 10 times more for putting her through that nightmare again.

The funeral went by smoothly, and quite boringly. The minister, Dr. Gero, didn't seem at all phased by his creation's death as he gave his little speech, which was mostly full of technical details about Cell that no one gave a jack shit about.

Justin, however, had one thing he needed to say while everyone was gathered around. After Gero's little sermon was over, old J rushed over to the front before everyone could leave. "ATTENTION! I have important news pertaining to the future of DBZ Court!"

The room collectively gave the man their undivided attention.

"I have decided…"

Everyone shifted forward in his or her seats.

"I have decided that I do not want to return to my job as judge."

The room became a cacophony of both cheers and murmurs of disappointment.

"Hold on, let me finish!" The room gradually became quiet again.

"There is another project I've been working on, but first, I will tell you all that I have made all the necessary steps to have Android 18, my bailiff, take over as judge when DBZ Court is finished rebuilding." With that, the crowd seemed relatively pleased. 18, much like Justin, was a smart-ass blonde. It'll be like he never even left!

"Now, for my final announcement."

The room… well, most of the people in it had honestly stopped caring a little now that they'd found out who the new judge was going to be. But they still stuck around, out of mild curiosity.

"The reason I have quit my work as judge for DBZ Court is because I have rented a studio and I am going to start my own FUCKIN' GAME SHOW BITCHEZZZZ."

Long pause. Someone in the room raised their hand.

"Yes, Trunks?"

"Will it be a quiz show? I'm good at those!" Trunks confidently declared.

"As a matter of fact, it will!" With that, Justin hopped on the deceased's coffin like an asshole. "DBZ JEOPARDY, COMING SOON TO A SOMEWHERE NEAR YOU!"

"GET OFF MY FUCKING COFFIN, KID!"

()()()

_Oh, you made it to the end? How strange, considering I made this chapter as long as a damn novel. I'm not gonna lie, I got stuck on this thing a lot. But after so many weeks, it's finally over. How long as it been? Nearly five years? Jesus Christ._

_I may or may not add a few extra cases to the end of this after a little while, with Android 18 as judge of course, but there are other projects I want to pursue. I do want to actually write a DBZ Jeopardy, but it'll have to come later than sooner because there's one other project that I would prefer to start working on first. _

_So, bottom line, thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed reading this a little more than I enjoyed writing it (the last chapter, I mean). Oh, and one more thing…_

**THE END**


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